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Need an urgent advise. I am truly mad as it concerns the child

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  • #61
    Originally posted by StillPaying View Post
    OP fears coming off as a dictator. Sending unnecessary emails and creating her own rules (which goes against the order) is not the way to go. They have an order; the judge made the rules. She doesn't need to say anything!!
    You both right. I don't want to come off as a dictator. He was told by the judge to follow the schedule and a 48 hr notice. I don't have to send a reminder.
    But I also know, as of this moment, no text coming from him, because he will wait till 2 PM, Thursday to provide a notice. No notice will be accepted after 2 PM, Thursday.

    Judge said that.
    He also never followed, not even my rules, but the rules created by my lawyer, when he missed the first visit and provided no notice prior.
    He disappeared for a month but told in court he came every week and my lawyer kept being quiet(
    He does that since last year.

    So this notice thing is a good sign.

    I think I don't have to send an email to him. But I wonder if I won't and he does not show up, he may say, I was expecting an email from her)

    But the Judge has provided his schedule and I have no intentions to interfere with that. No way!
    It is up to him to follow it, as the Judge waits for him in 2 months to hear how did it go. The Judge told him to prove mother he can do better.

    So not sure how that will play out if we don't communicate at all and anything observed later he will say - not true.

    I will have to wait and see and hope for the best.

    Comment


    • #62
      Originally posted by Anotherday View Post
      He also never followed, not even my rules, but the rules created by my lawyer, when he missed the first visit and provided no notice prior.
      Rules created by you and rules created by your lawyer are the same things as lawyer representing you, and often times rules created by lawyer (no offense to lawyers reading this) come with unnecessary conflict escalation.

      Originally posted by Anotherday View Post
      He disappeared for a month but told in court he came every week and my lawyer kept being quiet(
      This part is really concerning me with system in general. I do understand lawyers have many cases, but as a result I often see them making false statements (on both sides) not even because it benefits their client, but just because they make a mistake. And judge having many cases a day when they write endorsement, they also make serious mistakes, and often "create" facts that were neither in affidavits nor in briefs, nor even in lawyer statements, and issue you can't complaint about judge invented some fact - maybe you can submit the complaint, but it won't lead to anything.

      Comment


      • #63
        People lie in affidavits. They can say shit that would make your toes curl. Unless there is proof to back it up, judges disregard it. Which is why I (and others here) say to get out of the habit of trying to refute everything in the opposing affidavit. This is the biggest downfall of litigants in family law. Ignore the bs and focus on what is important.

        Comment


        • #64
          Originally posted by rockscan View Post
          People lie in affidavits. They can say shit that would make your toes curl. Unless there is proof to back it up, judges disregard it. Which is why I (and others here) say to get out of the habit of trying to refute everything in the opposing affidavit. This is the biggest downfall of litigants in family law. Ignore the bs and focus on what is important.

          My point was the litigation in general is very unscientific - even your own lawyer does make mistakes about facts in materials that he prepared, then the judge who supposedly reads those materials also makes mistakes. Take the Depp Heard case. How many weeks it took, and how many lawyers? And they were married for only 15 months, with no children. For more average person such court case wouldn't be possible due to expense.

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          • #65
            Originally posted by rockscan View Post
            People lie in affidavits. They can say shit that would make your toes curl. Unless there is proof to back it up, judges disregard it. Which is why I (and others here) say to get out of the habit of trying to refute everything in the opposing affidavit. This is the biggest downfall of litigants in family law. Ignore the bs and focus on what is important.
            That's what I did.but did it help me? No. Files were not there for the judge and he had 15 mins during trial to have them received via email urgently.

            My lawyer, I am sure, had an agreement with my ex's lawyer.

            But that is going to change with the new lawyer that I have hired.

            Comment


            • #66
              Originally posted by Brampton33 View Post
              For my case, it was obvious the judge did not read any of the briefs. Relied on Applicant lawyer to "bring him up to speed" on the fly. So frustrating and then you wonder why you bother spending time (and money) on briefs.

              Litigation is all about how facts are presented. If there is one thing I learned, it is that judges could not care less about the adults in the room. It is about the child/children. Make your affidavit about what is in the best interests of your child/children. Write "I offer my children a loving environment where we share nutritious meals", and not "I think my ex is lousy, for example, on June 12, 2022, I was hiding in bushes and noticed he did not offer water for 22 whole minutes".
              Lol it was not for 22 minutes.

              My affidavits did not have that. My case was adjourned and nothing new was filed since then.

              My lawyer pretty much failed me by not stopping the other lawyer when he was saying the father was coming every week for an hour when in reality he did not.

              He disappeared for a months and showed up whenever he wanted.

              Now the judge ordered him to come every Saturday, which he will, because he has to show the Judge he complies with other. But will that continue after the trial and everything is over?

              I doubt.

              My Affidavits were based on facts. I did not say a bad word about him. He was the one saying all bad stuff and the judge acknowledged that. What the judge failed to see if all the text messages between myself and him.

              I have received a phone call from the new lawyer who informed me that she won't be able to take my case due to bad blood with my ex's lawyer.

              But she said - she was shocked seeing all those evidence that were not presented to Judge on time. Otherwise he would have had a different opinion.

              But now I have a new lawyer. It will change the entire situation and we will be ready for a cross examination for Sept, when he will be questioned about his income and the parenting time.

              The lawyer I spoke to today clearly said - there were no need for you to go to court or drag this if he had taken all the opportunities you have given him since the day of separation. She was shocked that a father would have refused all of them (all visits were unsupervised and bunch of overnights were offered) and still go to court and say I did not give him a child.

              She said, based on what I saw - his focus was not the child.

              Comment


              • #67
                Yes but 45 pages is a lot. Always assume a judge hasn’t read it.

                Hopefully your new lawyer isn’t blowing smoke up your ass and can move things along.

                Comment


                • #68
                  what are you trying to achieve? You already got sole custody, the support likely won't happen as from what I am getting he isn't employed or doesn't earn much - sure, there will be some 250-500 a month, but until he earns substantially more it doesn't seem to worth legal fees.

                  Comment


                  • #69
                    Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                    Yes but 45 pages is a lot. Always assume a judge hasn�t read it.

                    Hopefully your new lawyer isn�t blowing smoke up your ass and can move things along.
                    Yes, rockscan. I get that. It was the lawyer's job to bring up all this issues to the Judge's attention.

                    My problem is that it wasn't me who created a roadblock for the father.

                    I had those evidence.
                    And the judge will have to keep that in mind, all this money I spent were for no reason. The father needed to see the child as consistently as possible and not project his faults and lack of desire to see the child on me.

                    Other that that, I am sure he will be coming the next 2 months, every Saturday, because the Judge ordered him. The question is, why wouldn't he do that before?

                    The new lawyer is pretty good with 25+ years of experience.

                    Later on, when it is all over, maybe I will be explain better to all of you why the father targets me and uses the child as a weapon.

                    It's a very sad situation, as per the lawyer who could not take my case, said, won't be ending In the next 16 years. I need to brace for a fight and for the battle, because he will not leave me alone.

                    Comment


                    • #70
                      Originally posted by respondent View Post
                      what are you trying to achieve? You already got sole custody, the support likely won't happen as from what I am getting he isn't employed or doesn't earn much - sure, there will be some 250-500 a month, but until he earns substantially more it doesn't seem to worth legal fees.
                      He is employed and does not deny that. He wants to pay a very little child support.

                      The judge has imputed his income and asked for a cross examination.
                      The judge does not believe he earns that much money and wants to get more details on it.

                      He works in construction and last time when we're married, he was making over a 100 K. Now he says he makes under 43,000 a year.

                      Comment


                      • #71
                        People who dont want to parent and use money as a weapon are ridiculous and they waste the courts time. It’s really unfortunate and sad. Prepare yourself for years of having him refuse to update income and pay expenses. If I were you I would request a final order with a set amount for section 7 so you can file with FRo and leave it.

                        Comment


                        • #72
                          Originally posted by respondent View Post
                          what are you trying to achieve? You already got sole custody, the support likely won't happen as from what I am getting he isn't employed or doesn't earn much - sure, there will be some 250-500 a month, but until he earns substantially more it doesn't seem to worth legal fees.
                          He brought a motion against me, accusations of withholding child from him since the day if separation. I give him 6 hours every second Saturday, he asks court for 3 hours each Saturday. But himself does not show up or shows up with short notice or no notice at all.

                          He is the one dragging this.

                          Parenting time not finalized, whether I can travel without his permission not finalized by Judge or obtaining a passport. All those issues are still pending

                          Comment


                          • #73
                            Originally posted by Anotherday View Post

                            He works in construction and last time when we're married, he was making over a 100 K. Now he says he makes under 43,000 a year.
                            Imagine judge would impute him 100k, instead of 43k. With 100k he will be paying you 910 CS a month. With 43K he pays 394 CS a month. It is only 516 a months difference, and it is if and only if you prove he is able earning those money and underemployed or has cash income.

                            He on the other hand would tell that construction business was largely affected by covid, and with new interest rates people struggling paying mortgages, and doing even fewer renovations, and as a result he is unable to even rent an apartment and lives in basement. Judge would look into ceiling, and tell "let's meet in the middle", and will order him 65k, which would make it even less worth it.

                            Comment


                            • #74
                              Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                              People who dont want to parent and use money as a weapon are ridiculous and they waste the courts time. It�s really unfortunate and sad. Prepare yourself for years of having him refuse to update income and pay expenses. If I were you I would request a final order with a set amount for section 7 so you can file with FRo and leave it.
                              Good idea.

                              Also, what is more sad that the parent needs to be forced by the Judge to see the child, because the mother is not good enough to take that offer from her.

                              Comment


                              • #75
                                Originally posted by Anotherday View Post
                                I give him 6 hours every second Saturday, he asks court for 3 hours each Saturday. But himself does not show up or shows up with short notice or no notice at all.
                                His request isn't unreasonable - he wants to see his child every week, and it is better this way for a child. I am more wondering who originally limited him for 6 hours only? Was it you, or the judge? The motion he did is expensive thing, so he might had some reasons, do you know why he did it?

                                Comment

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