Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

What children Want?

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • What children Want?

    Here are some things taken from afew sites which state things children want as most of you would like to see your children happy.

    Babies need to know first and foremost that they’re safe -- meaning that they’ll be fed and properly clothed, they’ll be rocked, loved and treated gently, and they’ll be kept safe from harmful elements. As babies grow, this need changes to accommodate new capabilities, but it remains their paramount concern. We suspect it likely remains so for the rest of their lives.

    Adults view family troubles differently than a child does. Adults generally have a more complete understanding, more information, and better coping skills. Children, on the other hand, usually don't fully grasp what's happening or why. And since they’re naturally egocentric, they tend to believe everything is their fault. Parents, therefore, must make a conscious effort to reassure the child that troubles are not their fault.

    When a young child asks, “Will you still take care of me when I’m grown up?” the child is traveling that thin line between the need for individuality and the need for safety. In our view, this is not the time to explain about maturity, growing up and away, or living on one’s own. This is the time to reassure: “We will always take care of you.”

    Children whose sense of security is damaged can spend the rest of their lives in a desperate (often unaware) scramble to regain it. There are many situations that can shake or destroy a child’s sense of safety:
    bullet Child is made to feel responsible for family troubles
    bullet A divorce, death, physical or mental illness, or substance-abuse problem within the family
    bullet Absent, inattentive, overly critical, cynical, and/or emotionally distant parents
    bullet Volatile, violent and/or sexually abusive environment (for child, parent, sibling, or friend)
    bullet Abandonment
    bullet Parents hover over child or smother child
    bullet Child is forced to deny reality
    bullet Child suffers traumatic event
    bullet Parents love conditionally (child must behave in a certain way in order to be loved)

    Children who don't feel safe can grow up displaying various characteristics, depending on their personal constitution, their support groups (if any), and their life experiences. But common ones we’ve seen:
    bullet Over-developed sense of responsibility
    bullet Need for perfection in self and/or others
    bullet Lack of trust in self and/or in others (perhaps displayed by apathy, insecurity, clinginess, arrogance, emotional distance, lying, apologizing, refusal to ask for or accept help)
    bullet Self-destructive behaviors (such as eating disorders, acting out, violent behavior, substance-abuse problems, truancy, withdrawal, denial of own needs, negative behavior toward siblings, sexual promiscuity)
    bullet Inability to love, or inability to form close relationships based on trust
    bullet Fear of loss
    bullet Obsessive-compulsive behaviors (hiding food, inability to throw things away, phobias, eating disorders, obsessive grooming, workaholism, etc.)
    bullet Anger, bitterness, resentment, negativity, cynicism

  • #2
    Its rare that kids will develop those traits solely because their parents divorced.

    99% of kids get through it ok, its the 1% with problems that we hear more about though.

    Comment


    • #3
      I believe a divorce effects a child. It's how both parents handle the situation that can help the child get through it OK or have a negative impact.

      Comment


      • #4
        Thats very true. If the parents cant handle it, how can the kids?
        If the parents are strong and mature, the kids will be too.

        Comment

        Our Divorce Forums
        Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
        Working...
        X