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  • #31
    People define themselves by their name.

    People take pride in their surname.

    To change that, is to say that the kids' father (or mother) is useless, un-worthy, an a$$hole, or (insert generic insult here).

    So basically, you are insulting the person that the kid(s) name used to be.

    Don't you think so? I think so.

    In another post I've just types the words below as a response. They are relevant here, too.

    "I read somewhere once upon a time that every child is half mom and half dad, and when you insult the other half to the child - you are in fact insulting (half of) the child. That makes perfect sense to me, at least.

    I don`t ever wanna insult my kid. Do you? "

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    • #32
      Originally posted by wretchedotis View Post
      People define themselves by their name.

      People take pride in their surname.

      To change that, is to say that the kids' father (or mother) is useless, un-worthy, an a$$hole, or (insert generic insult here).

      So basically, you are insulting the person that the kid(s) name used to be.

      Don't you think so? I think so.

      In another post I've just types the words below as a response. They are relevant here, too.

      "I read somewhere once upon a time that every child is half mom and half dad, and when you insult the other half to the child - you are in fact insulting (half of) the child. That makes perfect sense to me, at least.

      I don`t ever wanna insult my kid. Do you? "
      I couldn't say it better myself.

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      • #33
        I kept my maiden name after marriage, never took his as my last name. The kids have his surname, after much pre-birth discussion. I never really liked his surname, to be honest, though that's not the (main) reason for either decision.

        I would not dream of changing my kids' surname now that I am separated. My marriage falling apart has absolutely nothing to do with my children's identities.

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        • #34
          I'll speak more personally than I usually do, and provide an example.

          My ex has re-married and has two new children. This happened (at least in my opinion) very quickly after our separation.

          When I first spoke to her and the topic of her new pregnancy came up, she referred to the fetus as our mutual son's 'brother' or 'sister'.

          Being in the place I was at the time, I snapped back "NO! They're his HALF-brother."

          That sentiment is SO wrong - even if I still believe it.

          That was the first and only time I will ever insert 'half' before 'brother' on the topic.

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          • #35
            Ex remarried also quite quickly, and told D7 to call his new wife's mother "Grandma". I want to bark, "Your only grandma is *my* mother! That lady is a STEP-grandma!", but expressing that sentiment would definitely not be in the BIC. Just another moment in the ongoing struggle to hold my tongue, brought to yo courtesy of divorce.

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            • #36
              Why doesn't anyone ever want to change the first names aka Christian names post separation if it has nothing to do with a parent trying to get back at an ex or trying to erase an ex from all association with the children?

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              • #37
                My ex-wife used to try to get my kids to use her last name way before the divorce happened....somehow my kids had the sense by themselves to tell her no..... She used to argue with people that its not fair that women's last names disappear, I didn't disagree "perse" but most ppl will think your nuts for arguing stuff like that.

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                • #38
                  Originally posted by FaithandMorals View Post
                  Why doesn't anyone ever want to change the first names aka Christian names post separation if it has nothing to do with a parent trying to get back at an ex or trying to erase an ex from all association with the children?
                  Probably because it's loads easier to convince a child that "you should use my last name now because Daddy doesn't live with us anymore" than it is "you are now Olivia instead of Emma because Daddy moved out."

                  Though I'm sure in the cases where a child has a paternal family name, or a son with the same name as his father, a bitter ex-wife would love to do it.

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                  • #39
                    Originally posted by Links17 View Post
                    My ex-wife used to try to get my kids to use her last name way before the divorce happened....somehow my kids had the sense by themselves to tell her no..... She used to argue with people that its not fair that women's last names disappear, I didn't disagree "perse" but most ppl will think your nuts for arguing stuff like that.
                    That's funny, nobody forced her to change her name, she *chose* to take it and drop hers. There are so many options these days, it amazes me when people come up with this crap.

                    Comment

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