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  • Name change for children

    Hello,
    I have a final order for full custody of my children (aged 4 and 6).
    Father has visitation rights.
    Kids have his last name, which caused me some problems when showing my passport and their passport at the airport.
    I know the procedure to change the name in Ontario, but is it recommended, is it contestable in Court? What can I expect because definitely the father will not like that. Can he bring a motion, etc.?

  • #2
    Interested to see the reply as I am in same boat. I believe that as long as you have sole custody you can change your child's last name without permission from father. As I kept my maiden name while married, my daughter took her father's last name. However, I plan on changing my child's in the near future.

    Comment


    • #3
      I've looked into this.
      If you have a court order for sole custody, you can change your children's last name without permission from the other parent.

      If you have no court order at all, you don't necessarily need their permission, but you need to show proof that you attempted to get their permission, ie. a form sent to them and signed as received.

      http://www.forms.ssb.gov.on.ca/mbs/s...ile/11156E.pdf
      Last edited by OntarioMomma; 07-09-2013, 02:35 PM. Reason: link

      Comment


      • #4
        The procedure says you need to send a letter to the parent who has access rights to "inform him". One lawyer at the Court House told me: "oh no, it will not work, he will contest it with a motion". Another lawyer: "forget it". You need to wait 30 days before applying. But everytime I receive letters for the kids, for instance, is "Family + father's name". Also, I had another issue with Canada Post: my ex paid a service to have his letters delivered at his new house and Canada Post also delivered correspondance for my kids even if their name has not been indicated in the form for that service. They delivered their passports and I need to call the police to be able to get thos documents since my ex didn't want to give them to me.

        Comment


        • #5
          Maybe it could somehow be different if the children were younger and the other parent was out of the children's lives...but this is an active parent. You agreed to it and the children have had this name for 6+ years. All friends, family, school, community, etc. know them by this name.

          You want to change it now because of "some problems" you experience through customs?! So that when the father travels with the children, he'll have to experience those "problems" instead.

          He could/should definitely bring a motion to contest it, and a judge would almost certainly force you to change the name back.

          Travel with your court orders or travel consent letter. An extra 30 seconds of talking to customs is not worth the alienation accusations you'll face in court.

          Comment


          • #6
            If it is extremely necessary, I would ask the court to hyphenate the last name as opposed to completely changing it.

            Comment


            • #7
              Yes, I was thinking about this possibility. In this way, the "identity of the child" is preserved. I understand what you mean. Thanks a lot!

              Comment


              • #8
                You know it get me very upset to hear issues like this....when you have children with someone it is for the life of the child. You made a choice to give the child their name.

                You can't wash away their fathers DNA. How do you think the child will feel that his dad name is not good enough?

                Every child is half of each parent and needs this to be respected.

                Even if you can, so what!

                Comment


                • #9
                  If you have sole custody you can change their names. However, at a minimum, you should inform the ex that you intend on doing so. Failing to inform the other parent of such an important matter would look bad on you once the other parent does find out and drags you to court to fight the change of name.

                  Be prepared for a battle on this. A judge will look at the facts as presented prior to making their decision. Some of the facts will include:

                  1. is the change in the children's best interests. If it is inconvenient to you, or otherwise causes you discomfort with the kids having a different last name than you, that is too bad. It is about the kids and whether or not such change will be in their best interests will be the biggest test.

                  2. the age of the kids (the older they are, the less likely you will be successful. The kids have become "established in the community" under their existing name. To change it then, would not be in the kids bests interests.)

                  3. Your reasoning for the need to change. You are going to have to show tangible evidence that the kids having a different name is hindering your ability to parent.

                  As for the passports, I am not sure why you would need to call the police to get them unless you needed them for a trip. They belong to the kids and should travel with the kids between houses (upon request).

                  Be prepared for a long drawn out battle on this, as he will argue that the kids are established in the community under their existing name and it would be detrimental to them to change it going forward.

                  Also know that the Vital Statistics Act provides that, for the birth certificate, if there is a dispute about what the child's last name will be, they will list the child with both parents last names, hyphenated alphabetically. Even in cases where the mother listed the father as "unknown" (when they knew who the father was) so they could list their last name have been heard, and such cases have found that the arbitrary naming of a child by one parent and excluding the other in such an important decision is unreasonable, and as such, have ordered that the name be hyphenated alphabetically.

                  Deschamps J., writing for the Supreme Court in Trociuk, concluded that: (1) “A birth registration is not only an instrument of prompt recording. It evidences the biological ties between parent and child, and including one’s particulars on the registration is a means of affirming these ties” (see para. 16); (2) “Contribution to the process of determining a child’s surname is [a] significant mode of participation in the life of a child. For many in our society, the act of naming a child holds great significance” (see para. 17); (3) A father who is arbitrarily excluded from [naming a child] would reasonably perceive that a significant interest has been affected” (see para. 18); (4) “. . . the reasonable claimant in the father’s position, apprised of all relevant circumstances, would observe that the impugned provisions impose a disadvantage on him that they do not impose on a mother. It would be reasonable for him to perceive that the legislature is sending a message that a father’s relationship with his children is less worthy of respect than that between a mother and her children . . . [and] would perceive the message to be a negative judgment of his worth as a human being” (see para. 21).


                  Your chances of success really depend on whether or not you are willing to hyphenate their names and/or whether your ex takes you to court once they find out what you are doing.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by good_mom View Post
                    You know it get me very upset to hear issues like this....when you have children with someone it is for the life of the child. You made a choice to give the child their name.

                    You can't wash away their fathers DNA. How do you think the child will feel that his dad name is not good enough?

                    Every child is half of each parent and needs this to be respected.

                    Even if you can, so what!
                    Every situation is different. My ex husband had another wife the same time as me. He has not seen our child in over 3 years, he sends nothing financially for her. My child is the one that presented the question to me, if she could have my last name. Her father has made a conscious decision to not be part of her life. I will do everything I can so that her and I share my last name.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by takeontheworld View Post
                      I will do everything I can so that her and I share my last name.
                      You can do anything you want, but it may be a tough battle depending on the circumstances and age of children. You are far more likely to be successful if you ask for hyphenated as opposed to a complete switch.

                      This happens a lot when parents get remarried and get new names. Kids will always ask why they have a different name or request to change names to. That is just kids being kids. It is the parent's responsibility to explain why the names are different and why the child has the great name they do.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by sunnyday123 View Post
                        Hello,
                        I have a final order for full custody of my children (aged 4 and 6).
                        Father has visitation rights.
                        Kids have his last name, which caused me some problems when showing my passport and their passport at the airport.
                        I know the procedure to change the name in Ontario, but is it recommended, is it contestable in Court? What can I expect because definitely the father will not like that. Can he bring a motion, etc.?
                        You suck.

                        Originally posted by takeontheworld View Post
                        Interested to see the reply as I am in same boat. I believe that as long as you have sole custody you can change your child's last name without permission from father. As I kept my maiden name while married, my daughter took her father's last name. However, I plan on changing my child's in the near future.
                        and you suck.

                        Originally posted by sunnyday123 View Post
                        The procedure says you need to send a letter to the parent who has access rights to "inform him". One lawyer at the Court House told me: "oh no, it will not work, he will contest it with a motion". Another lawyer: "forget it". You need to wait 30 days before applying. But everytime I receive letters for the kids, for instance, is "Family + father's name". Also, I had another issue with Canada Post: my ex paid a service to have his letters delivered at his new house and Canada Post also delivered correspondance for my kids even if their name has not been indicated in the form for that service. They delivered their passports and I need to call the police to be able to get thos documents since my ex didn't want to give them to me.
                        still sucking. huge.

                        Originally posted by OntarioMomma View Post
                        I've looked into this.
                        If you have a court order for sole custody, you can change your children's last name without permission from the other parent.

                        If you have no court order at all, you don't necessarily need their permission, but you need to show proof that you attempted to get their permission, ie. a form sent to them and signed as received.

                        http://www.forms.ssb.gov.on.ca/mbs/s...ile/11156E.pdf
                        And... you suck too.

                        Originally posted by good_mom View Post
                        You know it get me very upset to hear issues like this....when you have children with someone it is for the life of the child. You made a choice to give the child their name.

                        You can't wash away their fathers DNA. How do you think the child will feel that his dad name is not good enough?

                        Every child is half of each parent and needs this to be respected.

                        Even if you can, so what!
                        YOU! You're cool.

                        Fortunately, My Order says "The Resondant shall not change the childs' name" Or I would have to deal with this exact BS.
                        Last edited by wretchedotis; 07-09-2013, 07:40 PM.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I believe that even WITH sole custody, you are still obligated to inform the other parent and they may be decided for you.

                          If you look at page 11 (Part 3) of the application it is very clear you must give notice:

                          http://www.forms.ssb.gov.on.ca/mbs/s...ile/11156E.pdf

                          Giving notice about the child's name change:

                          "Everyone who is legally entitled to access to the child has a right to know about the name change"

                          An Example of a person who has legal access and MUST get a copy of Part 3:

                          - the child's mother/father, unless a court order or seperation agreement specifically says the parent cannot have access
                          It also says:
                          Any person who has legal access, but not custody of the child, cannot stop this name change unless they get a court order.
                          Morally, you are seeking something that is not likely in the best interest of the children but merely an inconvenience for you. Why not simply ask Dad to provide a letter of consent for travel to avoid the inconvenience rather than look to sever his connection to them?

                          You already know he won't like it (I don't know any parent who would) and really, it's a minor annoyance to you rather than an actual issue as it is a few extra minutes during your travel time to present the proper documentation.

                          If you insist on seeking a name change to make things more convenient for you, why not at the very least seek a hyphenated name that includes both yours and his.

                          Another thing to consider, is if the shoe were on the other foot, would you be so willing to accept this?

                          Perhaps one day the situation will be reversed and HE will be the one dealing with the inconvenience. It seems highly unfair and confusing to the children to keep changing their names back and forth as a matter of convenience to the parents, although since you seem to think it is reasonable and fair, I assume you would not contest it.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Hyphenation sounds like the way to go. That way, the child doesn't lose their identity within the community (as opposed to a complete change of surname) and gives neither parent an advantage over the other one. It would be difficult to mount a reasonable argument against hyphenation, since it's apparently the official default when parents can't agree on a last name, according to previous posters.

                            My daughter has a hyphenated last name and I've never had trouble with it (flying, customs, etc), because there's no question that I am the parent. She's asked me if she can just use my last name instead; I've told her that when she's 18 she can change her name to whatever she likes, but until then she has a last name that shows she is the daughter of both her parents, not just her mom.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by stripes View Post
                              Hyphenation sounds like the way to go. That way, the child doesn't lose their identity within the community (as opposed to a complete change of surname) and gives neither parent an advantage over the other one. It would be difficult to mount a reasonable argument against hyphenation, since it's apparently the official default when parents can't agree on a last name, according to previous posters.
                              This is true at birth. Once the child has had a last name for years, it's no longer about advantages over the other parent and becomes more reasonable to mount an argument against a name change.

                              While a hyphenated name change is more likely than a complete name change, it is by no means a sure thing. There has to be a clear argument made why it is the best thing for the child. The fact that it was ok not to be hyphenated at birth would be a tough thing to overcome.


                              Originally posted by stripes View Post
                              she has a last name that shows she is the daughter of both her parents
                              What happens if your daughter gets married and wants to keep her last name too. Will her kids have 3 last names?
                              Last edited by HappyDays; 07-10-2013, 03:17 AM.

                              Comment

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