reasons for contempt

[sunnyday123]

Hello,
My situation is the following.
A final order from 2013 gives my ex access every second week.
At the end of 2014, my younger children is diagnosed with terminal cancer. He requires care 24 per day. My ex stops access to both children. He asks from time to time to see the children and I accept but he never takes them every 2 weeks.
In parallel, ex is pushing for motions asking for child support for a child with another woman, taking advantage on the situation. He was already receiving support from the biological mother but found the moment was perfect to attack me. This issue is almost solved now but he however scheduled about 4 motions while my son was fighting for his life.
My younger son dies in 2016. Two weeks after, ex requires access to the other child who is now 10 every two week-ends. Child refuses. I encourage ex to call the child, speak to him, find out how he feels, nothing: he is pushing towards police enforcement.
Grieving, I hire a lawyer. She manages to ask for modification of access. In 2017, Court orders Children's Lawer + access only on Saturday during the day. This modification of access is not written in the endorsement, but I can ask for transcription.
Meanwhile, child refuses to go and he doesn't go. Children's Lawyer accepts the file but omits to speak to the child and file an incomplete report. Ex asks for contempt motion on the day of settlement conference after Children's lawer send report (!). He pretends access has not been modified. Judge doesn't check the file and says, in spite of what I am saying, that the only order is that from 2014. He says that I have never asked for a modification of access rights. I tell him I did last year and indicate the reference; he does not look for that document. He orders: ex can file contempt motion and I can file motion to suspend ex' access rights.

My question is if and what could I choose among these 3 possibilities (or if you have a better idea):

1. File 14B and ask Judge to cancel permission for contempt motion because it is clear access rights have been modified since the order he considered to be the only one existing.

2. Appeal for the same reason

3. Argue this at the contempt motion.

I find strange that he grants contempt motion for one and suspension of rights for the other.

In the meanwhile, child doesn't want to go. I know it's not enough to say that; please tell me what reasonable steps I could take to show my good intentions.

Thank you for your help.

[arabian]

I am very sorry for the loss of your child.

In the 6+years I've been on this forum I have only read of one person who has successfully represented himself in Court of Appeal (Quebec). I would urge you to send a PM to Links. He would probably be able to give you some valuable advice. In the meantime you could order the transcript. If you still have a lawyer you can have them obtain it for you. If not you can order it yourself and might be able to order it online. Read it over carefully before you make any decisions. Keep in mind that you may only have 30 days to file an Appeal (please verify this as I have no personal experience with filing of appeals). You can check Rules of Court.

Part of a contempt Order is that you are allowed to remedy the situation - purge the contempt. I suppose you have to figure out a way to get the child to the other parent. Consider a casual meeting with child and other parent in a neutral location (McDonalds or a favorite restaurant) even just for coffee. Do this a few times and perhaps the child will come around.

I'm sure others on here will have other suggestions, but I think you need to soften things up a bit and tone down the drama.

[sunnyday123]

Hi,

Thank you for your reply. What is "PM to Links"?

[blinkandimgone]

Send a private message to this user: Ottawa Divorce .com Forums - View Profile: Links17

[kate331]

My younger son dies in 2016.

My heart breaks for you. Was this his child too? Or a child from another relationship? Because I couldn't imagine he didn't want a relationship with his cancer stricken child.

[sunnyday123]

Yes, it was his child, too.
Two weeks before my child died, his father sent me a motion notice... by email to ask for money for his child from the first marriage. I couldn't believe that could happen or was happening. My child could not move or speak or eat. I cried and cried.
The hospital sent a letter to the trial coordinator to inform about the situation. If you can imagine, that motion took place. I cannot think of a situation where the best interest of the child was at stake. I could not believe people at the Court House could discuss an issue which was not even related to my own children but to a child ex had with another woman (than woman is paying support... and a lot...). My child was dying. And he died. But the motion took place. And I can tell me, except for one Judge, I didn't feel so far that situation touched their hearts. So sad.

[trinton]

Yes, it was his child, too.
Two weeks before my child died, his father sent me a motion notice... by email to ask for money for his child from the first marriage. I couldn't believe that could happen or was happening. My child could not move or speak or eat. I cried and cried.
The hospital sent a letter to the trial coordinator to inform about the situation. If you can imagine, that motion took place. I cannot think of a situation where the best interest of the child was at stake. I could not believe people at the Court House could discuss an issue which was not even related to my own children but to a child ex had with another woman (than woman is paying support... and a lot...). My child was dying. And he died. But the motion took place. And I can tell me, except for one Judge, I didn't feel so far that situation touched their hearts. So sad.

My condolences to you. It is indeed sad and unfortunate.

At the end of the day. It is a courthouse and not a church. I personally wouldn't be able to deal with that matter however if I was a judge (out of respect for the family and child) regardless of the backlog. of course not everyone is down to earth like you and I. The courts and lawyers however have dealt with highly emotional situations many many times over and over again and so they are used to it and it is normal to them. They are not counselors and are not there to feel and understand the pain the parents feel - they are just there to make a decision based on laws (or their opinions of the law) and off the parents go.

Settlement conference is private. Unless an order was made that day (which can't be without consent) then you really don't have any proof that the order was changed. It was just a suggestion by the judge.

You are to encourage the child to go. And that means you take them to your ex and tell them they can come back at the end of the weekend. Or go straight to school the following Monday. What you dont' want to do is what pursuinghappiness did and tell the child " If you don't want to go see dad, then you don't have to go see dad."

[standing on the sidelines]

so let me get this straight. The one child had a terminal illness and the father stopped seeing both kids? Then while he wasnt seeing the kids and the one child was dying in hospital (my sincere condolences to you) he decided it was a good time to hit you with a motion to get you to pay CS for a child he had previously that the bio mom is paying CS for?

I dont blame the child for not wanting to see Dad. He abandoned both his kids when they needed him. I am sure your child is feeling that the next time things get tough dad will pull the disappearing act again and that he cannot depend on him. Dad screwed up big time and it is up to him to repair the relationship. I like the suggestion that it starts with meetings in Mcdonalds or where ever for a few hours till child feels comfortable going for overnights.

If dad really wants to repair the relationship then forcing it wont work. The child (an you) had a major life altering experience with the death of the sibling and dad washed his hands of it basically. Yep father of the year right there.