Child Support - should I ask my EX to pay for my 19 year full time high school studen

[Margaret-Krupa]

My son will be 19 in a few months.

He had a very spotty attendance record last year, in part because of the separation and also because of a previously diagnosed anxiety disorder. He did complete a credit at summer school.

He started this year at a regular high school, but we got a notice last week that he had stopped attending classes. My ex and I sat down with him, and we all agreed on some things, and we enrolled him in an alternative school.

Yes, it isn't full time. But my fear is that if he drops out, he may never complete. He is a brilliant kid in many ways, but has been picked on in school and hates the big school environment.

So I agreed to keep support as it is as long as he stays in school.

Will this cost me? Yes. But it is the right thing to do, and I have to focus on that.

I must say that you are FANTASTIC dad. I just cannot express how impressed I am to have read how you feel about your son and what you are doing to help him. You just act in his best interest. I went to Family Law Clinic at the Court House yesterday and spoke to a lawyer about my situation. I picked up all the forms which I need to prepare to file an Application for CS. I feel that I can do this myself (I worked as a legal assistant before) but it will be a lot of work because my Affidatvit will have lots of details and attached documents. I realize that this will be a long and not easy process. I fear that my younger son will be aggressive and abusive to me even more when he finds out about this application because he is under the infuence of his dad. Although he lives with me (he says that it is more convenient for him and also he knows that he can get anything he wants from me i.e. money, best food, electronics, and he has his own new room) he constatnly tells me that he will move out to his dad's next year. My younger son treats me very inappropriately as a son. He swears to me, calls me names and tells me how stupid I am. This happens especially after he talks to his dad or after his visit. His dad was like him and now that we have separated my younger son picked up. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I am very impressed with your attitude.

[TiredOfTheDrama]

I must say that you are FANTASTIC dad. I just cannot express how impressed I am to have read how you feel about your son and what you are doing to help him. You just act in his best interest. I went to Family Law Clinic at the Court House yesterday and spoke to a lawyer about my situation. I picked up all the forms which I need to prepare to file an Application for CS. I feel that I can do this myself (I worked as a legal assistant before) but it will be a lot of work because my Affidatvit will have lots of details and attached documents. I realize that this will be a long and not easy process. I fear that my younger son will be aggressive and abusive to me even more when he finds out about this application because he is under the infuence of his dad. Although he lives with me (he says that it is more convenient for him and also he knows that he can get anything he wants from me i.e. money, best food, electronics, and he has his own new room) he constatnly tells me that he will move out to his dad's next year. My younger son treats me very inappropriately as a son. He swears to me, calls me names and tells me how stupid I am. This happens especially after he talks to his dad or after his visit. His dad was like him and now that we have separated my younger son picked up. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I am very impressed with your attitude.

Your sons world just blew apart. In NO Way do I condone disrespect, but I know my children on occasion will lash out at me and not their father because they know I'm safe. They can throw words at me they know will strike the greatest hurt. Most importantly they know I won't throw it back in their face and say I don't love you either, or I hate you too, or please move out, etc. And I will still be there when the tantrum is done loving them as I always do.

In a quiet time (not during an argument) tell him it hurts you when he says these things. Re-enforce that you love him. Tell him you understand he is frustrated, upset, lashing out and that is fine but he needs to find other words to express himself then saying hurtful things. Make an appointment to get family counseling. Don't use the excuse he won't talk, they always talk and will even say things you don't want to hear.

Do not point out that his father used you as a verbal whipping post. If you compare your children to your ex only compare the good points. You are so lucky you have beautiful hair like your father, you have an incredible smile like your father - that's what I first noticed about him, etc. Dig deep he had good points at one time otherwise you never would have married him.

[Margaret-Krupa]

Your sons world just blew apart. In NO Way do I condone disrespect, but I know my children on occasion will lash out at me and not their father because they know I'm safe. They can throw words at me they know will strike the greatest hurt. Most importantly they know I won't throw it back in their face and say I don't love you either, or I hate you too, or please move out, etc. And I will still be there when the tantrum is done loving them as I always do.

In a quiet time (not during an argument) tell him it hurts you when he says these things. Re-enforce that you love him. Tell him you understand he is frustrated, upset, lashing out and that is fine but he needs to find other words to express himself then saying hurtful things. Make an appointment to get family counseling. Don't use the excuse he won't talk, they always talk and will even say things you don't want to hear.

Do not point out that his father used you as a verbal whipping post. If you compare your children to your ex only compare the good points. You are so lucky you have beautiful hair like your father, you have an incredible smile like your father - that's what I first noticed about him, etc. Dig deep he had good points at one time otherwise you never would have married him.

Thank you very much for your input. You impressed me again. I now understand mistakes I made. From now on I will keep your advice in mind whenever I talk to my sons about their father. In fact, I really do have a lot to thank their dad for: i.e. it is because of him that I have two wonderful sons and as such two extraordinary, exceptional people in my life.

Thank you again. Your comment influenced my thinking in a big way.