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smadax · #1 01-17-2008, 10:04 PM

I've had an ongoing battle with DH ex-gf ...Regretably she is a crack addict & alcoholic in an emotionally abusive relationship and there is ongoing RCMP & MCFD involvement associated with her young stepson.

We've had custody of DH children for 2-3 years and there has been a scheduled visitation and access agreement. Ex was ordered to attend mediation services re: telephone access and she did not follow through, therefore in breech of order. On one occassion she's conversed with the children via telephone while intoxicated and also contacted the children @ school via telephone during school hours.

We did give her two opportunities for visitation where she was dishonest about the Hotel they were staying, she exposed the children to family with criminal tendacies and MCFD was prepared for removal and she attempted to keep the children in her care for a longer period of time than we'd agreed.

Nov '07 She's had RCMP/MCFD child safety concern associated with the stepson while in her care. Ex moved to local transition house where she resides to this day... 2.5 months later and counting! MCFD Supervision Order applied.

Dec '07 MCFD recommend we only allow supervised visitation.

Jan '08 FRA Judge granted suspension of all visitation/access until Jan 29th... unless all parties make an agreement by consent, another date would be set for hearing. I assume the Judge would want to reinstate some access to the children before our hearing date.

My question is.... Telephone access is difficult because to have it supervised I'd have to take the whole family (4 kids in all) across town and sit around for up to 1 hour while they converse. What are the alternatives??

- I fully intend to request supervised visitation, days only.
- Restrict all access to the children during school hours.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

logicalvelocity · #2 01-18-2008, 04:55 AM

Supervised access centre to me is the solution.

lv

robrjm · #3 01-21-2008, 04:01 PM

I know of a similar situation. The father gets to see the child for 1.5 hours every other weekend at a supervised access centre. If intoxicated, the visit is cancelled. No other funny business is allowed. You would not come in contact with the EX.

P.S. Why do you assume the judge would want the child to be involved with this person? Judges are concerned with the best intersest of the child. They do not attempt to be fair or nice. They want to keep kids safe. The judge may want to keep the child away from this person.

smadax · #4 01-24-2008, 01:53 PM

The Judge will grant visitation and access because this is the biological Mother, as I understand the children have a right to remain in contact with her and they desire to do so.... therefore we like to accomodate those needs while trying to create protective boundaries.

The supervised visitation is a none issue insofar as the Mother lives very far away and visitation is 2-4 times per year, therefore not an inconvenience to arrange through the local Family Justice Centre.

My main concern is the access which was via telephone and previously set at twice per week for up to one hour. I've been looking through CanLii and haven't seen alternatives to supervised telephone access...

a) three-way conference calling.
b) restricted telephone access with calling done on speaker phone.
c) internet communication only, i.e MSN Messenger and/or email only.

With supervised telephone access my presumption is that we'd have to travel across town with the children to the Family Justice Centre, or would the Mother be the only one expected to attend the office for supervised telephone access and we recieve the call at our home??

smadax · #5 01-29-2008, 09:45 PM

Our appearance today was uneventful, although we'd been scheduled for 1 hour we were in front of a Judge for about 5 minutes!

As previously stated I was confident the Judge would grant some sort of access, considering the Mother lives an extensive distance for visitation and already the parental rights were suspended for one month.... but I was wrong, these appearances never cease to amaze me because they are so unpredicatable!!

The Judge did not change anything, rather we were adjourned to April and everything stays the same.... strange!

smadax · #6 01-29-2008, 09:48 PM

I forgot to mention that I did find two private companies that do offer supervised telephone access via three-way conference calling, at a fee of course. Just wanted to point out that it is a viable option, however in my town they charge $35/hour with 2 hour minimum!

That remedied my issues before about travelling across town.

standing on the sidelines · #7 01-30-2008, 07:31 AM

why could you not get one of the recorders that tape telephone conversations? As the start of the call tell her it is being taped and make sure she ackowledges she knows what is being done. Not sure if this is okay but I think if the parties are informed that the conversation is being recorded, it is not illeagal.

smadax · #8 01-30-2008, 12:25 PM

That is what I've been doing, recording telephone calls with her knowledge. But, it hasn't helped because we don't find out she's misbehaved until AFTER the access has ended and damage is done ... we need solutions in real time for it to be effective in order to protect the children from her forked tongue.

We have also had intermitten issues with her speaking to the children while intoxicated, even though we've tried to create a safety plan with the children for these instances, they still don't inform us of these facts until AFTER the access has ended.

Not to mention, we've had court ordered mediation in an effort to remedy our concerns regarding telephone access which she's never attended.

I was expecting the Judge to grant the biological Mother some sort of access, I'd suggested MSN Messenger once a week and he didn't budge. I find that strange because we're encouraging SOME sort of contact and have only asked for supervised access and visitation, I wasn't expecting a lengthy suspension. It's hard on the children to be disconnected from their parents, it's not in their best interest and irrational especially when we're trying to negotiate reasonable contact, not termination!

Alas, maybe it's a reality check the biological mother needs to set her priorities straight in her dealings with her children, a gained appreciation. On the flip side it's regretable that the children also suffer from her actions.

I have a Notice which will be heard Frebruary maybe I'll request MSN again.
If not, I have pre-trial in March, before our hearing in April.

jellyben · #9 09-10-2008, 11:50 PM

Hello:
Well my son's Lawyer (in ottawa ont.) said that tape recordings were no good that the judge would not consider them.

FL_Needs_To_Change · #10 09-11-2008, 06:20 AM

And our lawyer encouraged us to record every interaction and we have used them in court without any problems or statements from the presiding judge.

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