Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Parenting Issues

Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #11  
Old 07-29-2022, 01:54 PM
Bogdan Bogdan is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2022
Location: GTA
Posts: 85
Bogdan is on a distinguished road
Default

I'm with Taken, and Iona ... parenting exchanges are always mornings .. with drop-offs at school during school year, and 9am (parent that gets her picks her up).

Additionally PA days , stats automatically extend the weekend for which ever parent has her.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 07-29-2022, 01:54 PM
Bogdan Bogdan is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2022
Location: GTA
Posts: 85
Bogdan is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by respondent View Post
This topic is where I see lawyers write long pages in your separation agreement, charging you huge $$$ putting stuff where the kid celebrates birthday on odd vs even years, and then still capable of writing it the way that dual interpretation possible, making me very sad about the industry in general.
Yep .. 2 reasonable parents wouldn't need this type of extensive Custody Agreement. But most likely atleast one person is BPD/NPD where every single possible ambiguity ideally needs to be locked down or it's just going to cause more conflict.

There really needs to be easier access to a stock / templated Custody Agreements that have all the possible conflict prone scenarios locked down.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 07-29-2022, 03:06 PM
StillPaying StillPaying is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 659
StillPaying has a little shameless behaviour in the past
Default

School exchanges are great for HCP's and the newly separated, where professionals recommend it, but it is not convenient and creates more work. It depends on your schedule, but for me since ages 3 and 5 - we've done week about Fridays at 5. Besides extra curricular, this has been perfect.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 07-29-2022, 04:19 PM
Bogdan Bogdan is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2022
Location: GTA
Posts: 85
Bogdan is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by StillPaying View Post
It depends on your schedule, but for me since ages 3 and 5 - we've done week about Fridays at 5. Besides extra curricular, this has been perfect.
I've found that with High Conflict and Extra Curriculars 2/2/3 works better .. (i.e. each parent has the same 2 days of the week for scheduled extra curricular and weekends are alternating).
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 07-29-2022, 11:06 PM
terryfyde terryfyde is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Jul 2022
Posts: 54
terryfyde is on a distinguished road
Default

This is what can happen when the exchange time is at the start of the school day.
Both parents work and the parent starting access is surprised by the information that the child is sick and cannot go to school and that creates a situation or the parent ending their access time may send the child to school sick because they want to be rid of them knowing the school will call the other parent to come pick them up.
Been there and done that.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 07-30-2022, 08:29 AM
blinkandimgone's Avatar
blinkandimgone blinkandimgone is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Lucknow
Posts: 5,571
blinkandimgone is a jewel in the roughblinkandimgone is a jewel in the roughblinkandimgone is a jewel in the rough
Default

What would typically happen is the parent who has the child would let the other parent know and the parent whose time is starting would pick up the child and care for them during the day as it is their time, or make arrangements for the care of the child. Those arrangements may be that the parent who currently has the sick child keeps them for the day and exchange happens at the regular time, if the parent can and is able to do so.

At no point in time do any exchanges involve dropping off a sick child at school and making the school responsible for being the adult in the situation. If the parent whose time is starting will stay with the child or make other arrangements, they can certainly agree to exchange the child in the school parking lot rather than at either home.

This isn't rocket science, just communicate and put the child first.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 07-30-2022, 10:06 AM
Tayken's Avatar
Tayken Tayken is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 7,527
Tayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant future
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brampton33 View Post
I agree. However the 3pm exchange seems to work during the school year.
Do they? Its 1:43PM and one of the kids barfs at school. You are the responsible parent for that residential time. Do you go pick up the child for the remainder of the time from school and then exchange with the other parent.

If residence transferred at the start of school then it would be the parent whom they are going to reside with over night's responsibility to deal with the child who barfed.

If a dispute came forward before the court about this kid of stuff the judge will simply make the start of residence with the start of school so parents can't squabble about who the child was residing with.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brampton33 View Post
I just drop kids off at school and say "Mom will pick you up after school". It makes sense for 3pm (or simply "after school") for when kids are sick.
That scenario the residential time with the other parent would start with the ring of the school bell and not 3:00PM. See my barf example above.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brampton33 View Post
If they wake up in the morning and sick, I simply tell them to stay in pyjamas and rest in bed; and notify mom that kids are not going to school and to pick them up at my place rather than school.
This is conflict making scenario. Avoid avoid avoid. You should exchange the sick child at the start of school to the other parent.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brampton33 View Post
So it seems to work OK for September-June. However, the 3pm exchange time seems terrible during the summer. It literally cuts the day in half, so we can barely do anything on an exchange date as there is clock watching in the afternoon.
That is why majority of agreements/orders that have had say a custody and access professional involved have all residential times swap at the "start of school" year round.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brampton33 View Post
Is changing exchange time a contentious issue? I suppose a 9am exchange time can also cause conflict....where I call ex at 7:30am to tell her that kids are sick. Then comes the unnecessary dispute on judgement on whether kids are actually sick or not...which I want to avoid.
Make an offer to change it for the year. The other parent will reject it probably if I believe you and how you describe them. Time usually changes things. As well the age of the children.

Things change big time for parents when kids are 10+.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 07-30-2022, 10:08 AM
Tayken's Avatar
Tayken Tayken is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 7,527
Tayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant future
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by blinkandimgone View Post
This isn't rocket science, just communicate and put the child first.


I agree.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 07-30-2022, 10:25 AM
Tayken's Avatar
Tayken Tayken is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 7,527
Tayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant future
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bogdan View Post
I've found that with High Conflict and Extra Curriculars 2/2/3 works better .. (i.e. each parent has the same 2 days of the week for scheduled extra curricular and weekends are alternating).
2-2-5-5.

Every Mon/Tue with Parent A
Every Wed/Thurs with Parent B
Weekends rotate and 5 day stretches.

Best schedule for kids in 50-50. If you want to put them in swimming lessons. Put them on your day and never bother the other parent. Etc... You always know you have the kids on a specific day.

Kid figure out the schedule fast too.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 07-30-2022, 01:20 PM
respondent respondent is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2022
Posts: 143
respondent is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tayken View Post
2-2-5-5.

Every Mon/Tue with Parent A
Every Wed/Thurs with Parent B
Weekends rotate and 5 day stretches.

Best schedule for kids in 50-50. If you want to put them in swimming lessons. Put them on your day and never bother the other parent. Etc... You always know you have the kids on a specific day.

Kid figure out the schedule fast too.
not for the sake of arguing, but as kids get older and more involved into sport of their choice, they could have that hockey 9 times a week instead of once, and what's even more exciting is that club to keep you on your toes would keep changing schedule, location etc. Besides, number of items going with kid every couple days would make it nightmare - you didn't divorce to meet your ex with that hockey gear bag few times a week.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
What earns dad 50/50? Exasperated mommy Divorce & Family Law 12 06-30-2020 10:29 AM
First time poster, long time reader Lex Introductions 3 02-07-2020 04:07 PM
Faulty to assume Shared Parenting: here's why SilverLining Divorce & Family Law 44 06-29-2014 01:41 PM
first time through court for custody Kevin_Hill88 Divorce & Family Law 39 09-24-2011 09:16 AM
Child support and shared parenting DadFirst Financial Issues 47 06-29-2010 09:01 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 07:13 AM.