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  • #31
    It can be expensive. It can also be freeish.
    Claiming to have spent $10-30k before court, but can't afford a couple conferences makes no sense. Traveling an hour for an appointment once every couple months is not an issue either. Not perfect- takes lots of energy.... that's on you. Most can control themselves, especially in front of the judge. If you have not done anything wrong, then you can simply deny it and ignore the rest. Their lack of evidence will come out.

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    • #32
      Originally posted by StillPaying View Post
      It can be expensive. It can also be freeish.
      Claiming to have spent $10-30k before court, but can't afford a couple conferences makes no sense. Traveling an hour for an appointment once every couple months is not an issue either. Not perfect- takes lots of energy.... that's on you. Most can control themselves, especially in front of the judge. If you have not done anything wrong, then you can simply deny it and ignore the rest. Their lack of evidence will come out.
      People Run Out of money at that point! Or don't have that much money to begin with.

      Comment


      • #33
        @OP - Divorcing parents that make false allegations against to get a better strategic position are the scum of the earth. And worse still are those that do it to get a more favourable outcome for support payments.

        Many of the falsely accused end up settling, giving up or worse getting provoked to behave badly (making it harder for them to pursue their claim through a trial.

        Ignore these people sitting on their high horses explaining what you could have done differently or trying to justify an imperfect system.

        There are many lessons to be learned:
        - be careful who you choose to marry
        - be careful who you choose to have a child with
        - be careful buying into the hype of marriage or cohabitation without a prenup. A marriage is an economic partnership. When it breaks there are consequences financially.
        - show up strong for your child no matter what the outcome is. Don�t let your resentment for you ex, shape the interactions with your child. I�ve talked to a lot of adults who grew up as children of a high conflict divorce. Too many of them are still affected by the conflict they were exposed to.
        - let it go and move on. What you dwell on, you magnify. If you have been wronged, God will make it up to you in another way.

        Good luck and hope you feel better


        Thank you . Lesson learnt in a hard way but someone in this group should bring this matter before the parliament to pass a bill where parents get 50/50 custody other than strange situations . I 'm talking for the current and future parents of Canada who get through a hell for child access .

        Comment


        • #34
          I said the system is poop, an over simplification in contrast to StillPayings statement that the system is wonderful.


          Originally posted by StillPaying View Post
          Typical "woe is me" post, blaming everyone else. OP was charged, avoided court, allowed the move, drove for years before asking for discounts, etc. Settled everything, then blames the system.

          The system doesn't parent for you. Sit back and ignore the situation and the system will ignore you. Be the reasonable one and you'll find the system is very reasonable as well.
          Originally posted by rockscan View Post
          And it�s really disingenuous to the �older�/previous members who fought like hell against false accusations, through years of court, against legal aid applicants, had their kids stolen, watched their kids live in unsafe conditions, dealt with CAS and the police etc. to come on here and moan about how things aren�t fair. I have watched many posters on here lose everything to get 50/50 with their kids�including those who didn�t see their kids for years due to lies�and still they didn�t pull this.

          The system does suck and there are a lot of people who have lost out but if you are simply depressed because you have to pay your ex and took an easy road out, there isn�t a lot of sympathy.

          What rockscan described is a system that is broken in many areas.
          Perjury is allowed, disclosure is hard to get, kids are allowed to be taken away.
          A working system doesn't fall victim to nefarious behavior.

          I don't think SSAN participated in the correct fashion at all. They needed a representative because even here it was difficult to understand due to the language barrier and there was likely a cultural barrier too.

          Yes, ideal his ex should not have moved but here that has to be objected to right away. He also didn't understand or assert that he wanted 50/50; I don't recall motions for access, he waited until the end.

          Comment


          • #35
            Originally posted by pinkHouses View Post
            I said the system is poop, an over simplification in contrast to StillPayings statement that the system is wonderful.
            All depends if you use it. I truly believe the biggest opposers never went through it.

            What rockscan described is a system that is broken in many areas.
            Perjury is allowed, disclosure is hard to get, kids are allowed to be taken away.
            A working system doesn't fall victim to nefarious behavior.
            Again, before complaining about something it's good to understand it first. Perjury does matter at motion or trial. While you're freaking out about perjury in briefs, the judge doesn't care. Disclosure is easy to get ordered - so easy it can be done at a cc. Kids are most certainly not allowed to be taken away! Unless you allow it or it's granted at motion or trial which is not easy. I've been through all of that and the system worked perfectly - while being free-ish.

            I don't think SSAN participated in the correct fashion at all. They needed a representative because even here it was difficult to understand due to the language barrier and there was likely a cultural barrier too.
            BS - people here can clearly speak their mind to disagree with the system. I've never seen someone be turned away. Court has translators, people ready to work with them to ensure they get to speak and understand the process.

            Yes, ideal his ex should not have moved but here that has to be objected to right away. He also didn't understand or assert that he wanted 50/50; I don't recall motions for access, he waited until the end.
            Exactly. If you don't use the system or abuse it- it sucks.

            Comment


            • #36
              Originally posted by StillPaying View Post
              Again, before complaining about something it's good to understand it first. Perjury does matter at motion or trial. While you're freaking out about perjury in briefs, the judge doesn't care. Disclosure is easy to get ordered - so easy it can be done at a cc. Kids are most certainly not allowed to be taken away! Unless you allow it or it's granted at motion or trial which is not easy. I've been through all of that and the system worked perfectly - while being free-ish.
              You have to point me to the system you were working within because it wasn't the one I was.

              Unless one can show the children are endanger one has to wait until the CC to get their kids back if the ex abducted them.

              Perjury? There are tons of threads on how it is OK. My ex did a lot of that at motions and the judge didn't say a word.

              Disclosure? ha! my ex spits on court orders for disclosure. It would have cost me a fortune to get them to cough it up.

              Family Court works when both sides agree to participate in good faith or one side has the absolute good on the other like assault etc.

              Comment


              • #37
                Originally posted by StillPaying View Post
                It's easy to give up and blame the system, and most do, but for those who actually use it - the system is magical. 50/50, return of children, enforcement, equalization... where all your reasonable dreams come true.

                Ha! What a load of croc! I don't know which plant you're living on, but 90% of Father's get screwed in every way imaginable.

                The ones who do get "lucky" is because their ex-wives are kind of enough to settle for 50/50, but 50/50 is a rarity in Canada if the Mother decides against it.

                Comment


                • #38
                  Originally posted by pinkHouses View Post
                  You have to point me to the system you were working within because it wasn't the one I was.

                  Unless one can show the children are endanger one has to wait until the CC to get their kids back if the ex abducted them.
                  I'm sure this is just more telephone game dramatics, although it was my experience - but if your child is abducted you would have the police looking for them and an emergency court order for their return the same day.

                  Failing that, you could have an urgent motion within weeks or regular motion within 3 months. The longer you wait, the bigger hole you're digging out of.

                  Perjury? There are tons of threads on how it is OK. My ex did a lot of that at motions and the judge didn't say a word.
                  It's not OK and usually irrelevant. Motion/trial is on facts, evidence and straight numbers. Trial orders are where you'll see the consequences explained- either through insults and/or financially.

                  Disclosure? ha! my ex spits on court orders for disclosure. It would have cost me a fortune to get them to cough it up.
                  This speaks to you. Pertinent disclosure is easy to get or comes with punishments enough to produce it.

                  Family Court works when both sides agree to participate in good faith or one side has the absolute good on the other like assault etc.
                  If both sides agree, they wouldn't be in court.
                  It only takes one unreasonable party, to force the other party's hand. Go to court for resolution, or continue trying to beg an unreasonable ex.

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Originally posted by helenj View Post
                    The ones who do get "lucky" is because their ex-wives are kind of enough to settle for 50/50, but 50/50 is a rarity in Canada if the Mother decides against it.
                    All these poster(s) have the same excuse. They were set up, secretly recorded, made to assault their ex, or make death threats...

                    Reasonable is not always 50/50.

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      Originally posted by StillPaying View Post
                      - but if your child is abducted you would have the police looking for them and an emergency court order for their return the same day.
                      Absolutely never going to work. As soon as they are with an legal guardian that is considered not to have severe mental health issues they are hands off.

                      Originally posted by StillPaying View Post
                      Failing that, you could have an urgent motion within weeks or regular motion within 3 months. The longer you wait, the bigger hole you're digging out of.
                      It differs from region to region but the rules I am talking about state that it is not an urgent motion unless the child is in danger.
                      In this case it is best to lie you ass off and hope the judge moves on the side of caution.

                      It's not OK and usually irrelevant. Motion/trial is on facts, evidence and straight numbers. Trial orders are where you'll see the consequences explained- either through insults and/or financially.
                      others can pipe up on this.

                      This speaks to you. Pertinent disclosure is easy to get or comes with punishments enough to produce it.
                      I couldn't believe it either but that is what my lawyer said.


                      anyways...glad things worked out for you.
                      and 50/50 is the norm and I wish it was in big letters at the court house and the lawyers. Usually guys panic because they really got screwed. Nowadays it is usually the bread winner financially but 50/50 still is the norm as I know it.

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Originally Posted by StillPaying View Post
                        - but if your child is abducted you would have the police looking for them and an emergency court order for their return the same day.


                        Not true.
                        Upon my separation, when I walked in to the court house, seeking advice, I was told to "take my child and leave." I questioned "Is that not kidnapping?" He said "No, without a present custody order, you both have custody. Either parent can take the child. An Emergency Motion will not be granted, unless there is crucial evidence, such as a travel ticket out of the country."

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                        • #42
                          My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night - that that's not true.

                          If your ex takes off with the kids without notice, like to a shelter, you wouldn't know where they were and would get an emergency order (along with a missing persons case) that same day.

                          If your ex takes off with the kids with notice, like to family's house, you would know where they were. This is not an emergency anymore. If there is no immediate fear, it's not urgent neither. Get to a regular motion (~3 months) asap and get your access back. Although not recommended, I would personally have no issue agreeing to 1 hour a week and then keeping the kids on my next visit.

                          The biggest caveat - don't abuse your ex!

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            Originally posted by StillPaying View Post
                            without notice, like to a shelter, you wouldn't know where they were and would get an emergency order (along with a missing persons case) that same day.
                            Wrong.
                            I am just going to say this one last time and from first hand experience here.
                            The cops, if they locate them anywhere like at a shelter will say "safe" so no emergency order and the cops won't do sh*t.
                            Same goes if their lawyer says "the kids are fine"

                            It may vary from region to region.

                            If they are all together missing and there is no contact then fine, clearly one can file a missing persons report like anyone would.

                            Abducting children is abuse and the courts are OK with that abuse. But tell your ex that they are stupid c*nt that should burn in hell well that is bad.

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              I had an order before the police found my ex!

                              In your case, the kids were found and well - and you didn't go to court therefore waiting until motion. Same great system.

                              Abduction is criminal. Throwing around big terms for clout is a disservice.

                              Comment

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