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  • Ex is at it again!!!!

    I got home tonite to find my husband in a real mood..seems his ex phoned and they had some real words..for some reason she has turned into a real you know what and has real attitude...my husband has been supporting his son giving his ex post dated cheques for a year at a time...they have always gone by the old guidelines...she was fine with this for along time..then she decided that she wanted retro for the past year since my husband made a bit more money..so my husband added on an exta $100 to be paid for the next year on top of what he was paying already..tonight however she called and she told him that she found out that the new guidelines were in effect and that he was being totally dishonest with her and now demanded that he pay her according to guidelines and backpay as well...he is going to pay her according to the new guidelines plus extra...I told him that he is crazy to pay her more than the guidelines and just leave it at that...he is afraid that if she takes this to courts he will HAVE to pay retro..I disagree, I feel that if she does take this to court then because he has always been upfront with the cheques to her that no retro will be awarded...who is right?

  • #2
    You should consider getting this court ordered, and be done with this issue. And absolutely your ex should be paying based on the current guidelines, not relying on the old ones. Did he not know they had changed???? And he should always be paying based on his current salary. Its easily enough done to figure out by his salary and current tabled support to how much he may or may not owe in back support. I believe its an honour issue as well, you and he will have the relief in knowing that he has financially contributed to this childs well being in accordance with the laws.

    IMO the ex is right in asking for child support in accordance with the current tables and her ex's currently salary. This is an issue easily worked out through either both parties, their lawyers or the courts should they not agree. Let a Judge do the math and stay out of it. This is between the child's parents. I think your making too much of a deal out of this and looking selfish. No offensive intended. Your ex is a big boy, not to mention parent and should step up to the plate on his own without you fighting his battles for him. It's his child afterall and don't we all agree the children shouldn't be caught in the middle???

    I have worked with several organizations where we are just trying to keep the kids warm with winter coats, so perhaps I am jaded. I am just hoping this child is not in need of one, cause your bickering over $100 which means a warm coat. A few less dinners out is not going to kill you, or pay for them yourself to ease up on your ex's financial obligations to his children.

    Good Luck

    Comment


    • #3
      Mikesgal,

      I do believe the former spouse is attempting to create havoc in your home, perhaps this is their strategy. Your husband should stay away from the verbal conversations from his former spouse. Have all correspondence in writing to generate a paper trail which can be used as evidence later.

      In regards to the child support issue; It will be a roll of the dice on which way the Judge will decide. If one's income fluctuates from year to year, the last three years average income could be used to reference the May guidelines.

      In regards to the retro support amounts pre-May 2006, the court has to refer to the previous guidelines to calculate the retro-amount if any as this was the law at time. Even with this calculation, the previous three years average income in respect to the year of the retro-amounts may be used.

      I do believe you have a right to be involved in these issues as:

      You are married to the individual and it is your marital obligation to support your spouse;

      The payable child support amount does effect your household income and therefore your budget.


      lv

      Comment


      • #4
        Grace, generally "WE" wouldn't mind paying according to the guidelines (this being said since we are a married couple and decide things together as most married couples do) you have no idea whatsoever the kind of relationship that was between my husband and his ex for many years they each helped each other out however she always had to be the controller in their relationship this being why the relationship didn't work out from the start...this ex lives way beyond her means to prove that she can do it, however now that he has stopped paying support for the daugher that is not biologically his (something that the ex has told him to stop since she wanted to be fraudulent) so now because of this she finds she can no longer live the kind of lifestyle she was accustomed to..this lifestyle does not include buying clothes-such as winter coats at $100 a pop as you suggest--he doesn't need one when he can wear the hand me downs of his step brother from 3 years ago..she hasn't bought him a pair of snowpants yet this year and his sweaters are all hand me downs from his older sister..he wears the same pants everytime we see him so I doubt she is spending much of the money towards his clothing allowance...you should know the kind of hair styles the kids are all sporting so you should know that his hair is not being cut on a regular basis either....she is only being this way because she knows that we are happy in our lives and this really bothers her...sad but very very true...things are only ok when she is happy and getting what she wants..if this whole support thing was such a problem then why did it take her so long to come forward with it...this woman couldn't even get a line of credit because she is such a poor money manager that my husband helped her out by co-signing a loan for her that he is now paying off because she wasn't making the monthly payments so he is stuck paying it off--he does this by reducing the c/s payments accordingly

        Comment


        • #5
          I just see it differently, perhaps because I am a first family. It is his responsibity to pay current guideline child support based on his current true salary, it sounds so simple to me. I can't see what this has to do with you, its his financial obligation to his child, regardless of whatever relationship they have had now or in the past. You must have know this going into the marriage???

          I agree that $100 is extravagant for just a coat, let me correct that and say for the whole outdoor outfit, including snow pants, hats, mitts, boots and scarf. I too have a son and let me tell you he also has hair "issues", I would prefer he wears a paper bag over his head then go out in public with his, but I choose my battles (no piercing). He is in his want to be a rock star phase, and although clean clothes are readily available in his dresser, curtesy of Mom, he wears the dirty ones off his floor. These phases usually pass.

          Quite frankly I am shocked that your hubby agreed to co-signing a loan for her willingly then makes his son suffer, by reducing his c/s obligations. This was a financial decision made by the grown up adults, was that a decision as a married couple you made together??? And if it was a poor one, why make the child suffer for it???

          I still believe this is a problem best worked out by the ex's and STAY OUT OF IT. It obviously is causing you great stress. And from little I know of your issues, I say present your case and let a Judge decide, sounds too acrimonious to work it out through the lawyers. The closure will give you peace. And the sooner the better.

          Comment


          • #6
            The law is clear that both parents are equally obliged to support the child.
            Perhaps off topic but I see no mention of the "notional" amount of child support in this thread that the mother is to be so spending on the child in regards to her income. This notional amount is over and above received child support.

            The term "notional child support" is a calculated amount of child support that is deducted from a recipients income in the "with child support formula" for spousal support calculations using the spousal support advisory guidelines.

            In regards to haircuts; I do suspect if the child is sporting long hair by choice rather than an issue of affording a haircut. I attend my son's school often and the majority of the male kids have long hair and it appears that they dress alike.

            lv

            Comment


            • #7
              when I entered into this relationship I knew all the ramifacations of it Grace..this co-signed thing was something when my husband and ex were together they did so that SHE could build up HER her credit rating...and as I said it would be fine the amount of c/s given goes to the child for proper clothes etc but this isn't the case at all...I will ALWAYS stand beside my husband in whatever decision he makes but I don't feel he needs to be taken to the cleaners either by this multi personality ex of his regardless of anything...she just loves the control of everything..like yesterday for instance when it was our only day of the week to spend with him she asks him if he would rather go out for chinese food instead of coming to our place? well now what do you think he wanted to do, although she stated that she is not in cometition with us....DUH that is exactly what she just did as far as I can see...on a final note I have been marrried 3 other times and I never once took my ex's for c/s s/s or anything, my son was well taken care of by the means my ex could afford and I felt and feel much better that I didn't break them in the process but rather moved on with life...

              Comment


              • #8
                Mikegal,

                It is ironic that a parent has funds available for a night out a restaurant,

                like yesterday for instance when it was our only day of the week to spend with him she asks him if he would rather go out for chinese food instead of coming to our place? well now what do you think he wanted to do, although she stated that she is not in cometition with us....DUH that is exactly what she just did as far as I can see..

                But insufficient funds to purchase the child a winter coat? Perhaps they are spending a "notional amount of child support" on the child.

                lv
                Last edited by logicalvelocity; 02-15-2007, 09:19 AM.

                Comment

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