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  • #16
    Originally posted by Links17 View Post
    step-parents shouldn't even have a title - they should just be referred to as partner of parent and thats it....
    I'm with you, Links17. A step-parent should only be the title used if the biological parent is completely out of the picture, dead or gone for good. If there is a biological parent still present in the child's life, another person is just the partner of the other parent.

    I'm sure they may love the child, and may do a lot of 'parenting' type work, but when there are already two parents, other people are not entitled to the title.

    Comment


    • #17
      I have a Girl Guide unit and this year out of 23 girls 15 are in blended family and 8 are in new marriage situations. Not one of those girls refer to their parents partner/spouse as a Step anything. They refer to,them with their given names.

      Interesting though they refer to the siblings in blended families as either " stepbrother/sister or just brother/sister.

      Another interesting, well to me anyway, my grandsons Dad constantly refers to his girlfriends boys as his stepsons and that he is a stepfather. But then he is a control freak and is all about having the title!

      Comment


      • #18
        Sometimes when youre new on a forum you dont know the common lingo. Or youre seeking help for your spouse. Lets cut the OP some slack. Its safe to say "my husbands ex" or "my husbands childrens mother" or simply "the ex".

        My partner is not at all tech savvy, does not understand internet forums and prefers books over a computer so I come here on his behalf asking questions. Im also the one who takes notes at the lawyers office, asks the tough questions and gets the answers. Why? Because his emotions run high and he cant concentrate or remember to write stuff down.

        Lets cut the newbies a little slack here. Some of us are "step parents" by default whether we want to title or not. And some of us are here to get some help for the person we love going through this. Not everyone is an internet forum expert who can dive in and know wtf is going on.

        Comment


        • #19
          Originally posted by Rioe View Post
          I'm with you, Links17. A step-parent should only be the title used if the biological parent is completely out of the picture, dead or gone for good. If there is a biological parent still present in the child's life, another person is just the partner of the other parent.

          I'm sure they may love the child, and may do a lot of 'parenting' type work, but when there are already two parents, other people are not entitled to the title.
          I 100% disagree with both of you.

          I have 3 children and my partner and I have 2 together. While the first three children may call my partner by his name, he is still their step dad. We are FAMILY and my partner is a part of that family, he's not just my partner. He in no way replaces their father but while they are with us he acts as one. He loves them as one and they love him in return.

          Honestly, I believe the reason a lot of blended families fail is because they try to draw lines instead of coming together as a family.

          Comment


          • #20
            This is getting off topic.

            When the ex denies your partner his parenting time with the kids, your partner should send the ex an email stating that he doesn't agree with her unilateral decision to deny his parenting time. That paragraph X of the order/agreement provides that he is to have the child(ren) on ABC dates. That it is his intention to exercise his parenting time in accordance with the order/agreement. He should then request make-up time for any missing parenting time and give a list of times/dates that work for him to exercise such makeup time.

            He should also mention that if the ex has an event planned for the child(ren) during his parenting time, that she should seek his approval to the child(ren) attending such event prior to committing to it. Then the two of them can work out an arrangement where the child attends, but dad gets makeup time. If dad doesn't get makeup time, dad brings the child to the event or the child(ren) doesn't attend the event as dad exercises his parenting time.

            He should let her know that should she continue to unilaterally deny him his parenting time, he will be forced to take her to court for contempt.

            The ex doesn't get to simply deny parenting time without sufficient reason. And sufficient is read as significant reason. Yeah, you may have to beat her over the head with the order for a bit, but sometimes it takes doing just that.

            Comment


            • #21
              Originally posted by Beachnana View Post
              I have a Girl Guide unit and this year out of 23 girls 15 are in blended family and 8 are in new marriage situations. Not one of those girls refer to their parents partner/spouse as a Step anything. They refer to,them with their given names.

              Interesting though they refer to the siblings in blended families as either " stepbrother/sister or just brother/sister.

              Another interesting, well to me anyway, my grandsons Dad constantly refers to his girlfriends boys as his stepsons and that he is a stepfather. But then he is a control freak and is all about having the title!
              I find the variation in names really interesting. My daughter has always referred to Dad's new wife by her first name (rather than as "stepmom"). This sounds so natural to me that when I was reviewing her school info at the beginning of the year and saw "stepmother" listed as an emergency contact, I had to think for a minute "Who's that? Oh right, that's so-and-so".

              But Kid also refers to stepmother's mother as "Grandma", which I have to admit irritates me a bit because Kid already has a "real" grandmother - my mother (Dad's parents are both deceased). But "Step-grandma" is a bit of a mouthful, so if Kid wants to call stepmom's mother "Grandma" too, that's not a hill to die on. Similarly, Kid refers to Dad's wife's daughter as "my sister".

              My bf's teenage daughter once went through a phase of wanting to call me stepmom (bf and I have a long-term relationship, 3 1/2 years). I knew she was doing that because she wanted to annoy her own mother, so I said no way - I haven't earned any kind of "-mom" title because I don't live with you, I'm not doing the heavy lifting of raising you, so while I'm your friend, I'm not acting as a parent.

              At the same time, bf's daughter and Kid sometimes refer to each other as "my stepsister", even though there's no legal connection, they just like each other and want to express it.

              Comment


              • #22
                Originally posted by HappyMomma View Post
                I 100% disagree with both of you.

                I have 3 children and my partner and I have 2 together. While the first three children may call my partner by his name, he is still their step dad. We are FAMILY and my partner is a part of that family, he's not just my partner. He in no way replaces their father but while they are with us he acts as one. He loves them as one and they love him in return.

                Honestly, I believe the reason a lot of blended families fail is because they try to draw lines instead of coming together as a family.
                Blended families fail because it is a stupid concept... If real families fail, then blended families have even less of a chance (as statistics show).

                On top of it step-parents living with kids multiply the chance of being abused by about 7x depending on circumstances (cinderella effect).

                He is just a stranger to them and technically they compete for his time with his own offspring, evolutionarily he should want them dead... Your guy might so beta (feminist movement and what not....) that he is caring for another male's children but that is purely contrary to evolutionary biology...

                Its your new partner and he has 0 links to the children...

                Comment


                • #23
                  Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                  Sometimes when youre new on a forum you dont know the common lingo. Or youre seeking help for your spouse. Lets cut the OP some slack. Its safe to say "my husbands ex" or "my husbands childrens mother" or simply "the ex".

                  My partner is not at all tech savvy, does not understand internet forums and prefers books over a computer so I come here on his behalf asking questions. Im also the one who takes notes at the lawyers office, asks the tough questions and gets the answers. Why? Because his emotions run high and he cant concentrate or remember to write stuff down.

                  Lets cut the newbies a little slack here. Some of us are "step parents" by default whether we want to title or not. And some of us are here to get some help for the person we love going through this. Not everyone is an internet forum expert who can dive in and know wtf is going on.
                  Thank you!
                  That's exactly the situation here. I don't get emotionally distressed when I ask questions and such like he does. And like you said, I got the title because of the situation. In reality titles don't mean much to me, I'm a support in the kids life and that's all that matters, for me using BM and SM is just a way to differentiate them when describing a situation.

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Originally posted by HammerDad View Post
                    This is getting off topic.

                    When the ex denies your partner his parenting time with the kids, your partner should send the ex an email stating that he doesn't agree with her unilateral decision to deny his parenting time. That paragraph X of the order/agreement provides that he is to have the child(ren) on ABC dates. That it is his intention to exercise his parenting time in accordance with the order/agreement. He should then request make-up time for any missing parenting time and give a list of times/dates that work for him to exercise such makeup time.

                    He should also mention that if the ex has an event planned for the child(ren) during his parenting time, that she should seek his approval to the child(ren) attending such event prior to committing to it. Then the two of them can work out an arrangement where the child attends, but dad gets makeup time. If dad doesn't get makeup time, dad brings the child to the event or the child(ren) doesn't attend the event as dad exercises his parenting time.

                    He should let her know that should she continue to unilaterally deny him his parenting time, he will be forced to take her to court for contempt.

                    The ex doesn't get to simply deny parenting time without sufficient reason. And sufficient is read as significant reason. Yeah, you may have to beat her over the head with the order for a bit, but sometimes it takes doing just that.
                    Thanks Hammerdad, your input is always appreciated.
                    Any reasonable parent would agree with you. Unfortunately my spouse has done so everytime. He even offered mediation at his own cost if she did not understand the court order.

                    He asked for make up time everytime access was denied which was then denied as she says he doesn't really want to see the child (why she says that is beyond us).
                    He has sent multiple emails stating the court order clauses she was in non-compliance with explaining that his parenting time is important, etc. He asked that she stops interfering in the sake of the child's best interest. Her last reply was a "I'm not going to read your court-order emails anymore as it's a waste of my time. I am done making your life easy and will give you parenting time when I feel like you want it". She thinks she is over the order and can make whatever decision she wants. Even sports and such, she has never followed their agreement and never followed the order and I frankly don't think she ever will.

                    So I'm sure you can see what kind of person we're (he is) dealing with. I'm not sure what kind of advice I can give my husband at this point.

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      If he has all that in writing plus denial of the access and refusal for make up time then he should go for contempt. She has shown shes unwilling to adhere to the order. If he wants to take it to that level then he should do it.

                      *my two cents*

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                        If he has all that in writing plus denial of the access and refusal for make up time then he should go for contempt. She has shown shes unwilling to adhere to the order. If he wants to take it to that level then he should do it.

                        *my two cents*
                        I agree with the above. If you have multiple instances of denial, sometimes you have to go the contempt route.

                        If you have this in email:

                        "I'm not going to read your court-order emails anymore as it's a waste of my time. I am done making your life easy and will give you parenting time when I feel like you want it".
                        you have pretty much a slam dunk case.

                        Anyway, I would file the motion for contempt. Sometimes just filing of the motion and serving the ex is enough to smarten them up. It shows that he is willing to escalate the issue to a higher level to get what he is entitled to. And that the bright shiny light on them isn't exactly showing their best side. Should the ex come around, he can always drop the motion. Should the ex double down on their bad behavior you have the process started.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Thanks guys. I'll share your input with my husband and see what he wants to do. I appreciate the feedback as contempt seems so hard to prove. I know he kept all those emails too as he always does so we should have enough ammo.
                          Thanks again!

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Police enforcement

                            Although my husband now has custody (after 5 very long years in Ontario court system), even now, the final order isn't police enforceable....although we asked for it in the trial...For 5/6 years of this child's life, his ex routinely violated the court orders with no recourse. Every time we went to Durham or Simcoe police, we were told that court order wasn't police enforceable. To our knowledge, unless it's in the court order, the police are there to enforce peace, not court orders unless explicitly stated (grossly unfair but how current legislation is worded) as we have been told too many times to count.

                            Comment

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