Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Parenting Issues

Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 05-13-2010, 05:49 PM
tugofwar's Avatar
tugofwar tugofwar is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: mostly in my own little world
Posts: 1,384
tugofwar is on a distinguished road
Default sole custody question

So, hypothetical question, when one parent has sole custody of the child, what does that include in which decisions are or can be made outside of the normal decisions about education, religion & health?
Example- determining who picks up and drops off children- does sole custody parent make these decisions if it's not spelled out in an agreement? If parents can't agree, do you need to go to court over issues like this or does the sole custody part prevail?
  #2  
Old 05-13-2010, 06:14 PM
dinkyface dinkyface is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,476
dinkyface will become famous soon enough
Default

No, pretty sure that sole custody does not give you this authority. your example is more relating to coordination w ex, and implementation of access terms, rather than direct care of child.
  #3  
Old 05-14-2010, 11:11 AM
billiechic billiechic is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Vaughan
Posts: 2,371
billiechic is on a distinguished road
Default

I think this is a grey area. If you can show that certain people picking up your child causes or increases the stress, and that someone else does not, you may have a good reason to specify who and where the exchanges take place.

there are many instances of exchanges having to take place in public or neutral places. Why wouldn't that also apply to neutral people (or at least not confrontational people)

Tug..perhaps you should mention that the persons causing stressful exchanges are not either of the parents, but other relatives. That is an important fact.
  #4  
Old 05-14-2010, 02:05 PM
HammerDad HammerDad is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Hamilton
Posts: 3,774
HammerDad will become famous soon enough
Default

No. Sole custody allows you to make the major decisions of the childs life without the consent of the other parent. That would be education, religion and medical decisions.

Each parent is allowed to make the day-to-day decisions for the child(ren) during their parenting time. So who drives where, is a decision that the parent responsible for transportation can make.

Where you can request that a certain person not attend your house is where you feel threatened by that person. You should notify the other parent that you are uncomfortable with that person attending your house and respectfully request that, where the other parent cannot do the driving themselves, they find another person to do the driving.

The other parent may agree or disagree. But unless this is stressing the children and causing them harm or you feel threatened, I cannot see how this would fall into the "best interests of the children" catagory to successfully argue this in family court.

If you do feel threatened, or the person has either assaulted or threatened you before, just get a restraining order. Problem solved.
  #5  
Old 05-14-2010, 03:46 PM
tugofwar's Avatar
tugofwar tugofwar is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: mostly in my own little world
Posts: 1,384
tugofwar is on a distinguished road
Default

We have a scheduled settlement conference soon, so I was just wondering if I should be stating things such as who is to do the pick up and drop offs in our agreement as I can see this as being a problem in the future if the ex decides to let others do the picking up and dropping off. (his father is a heavy drinker and drinks and drives and thinks it's funny and likes to brag about it) and the mother is very old and I have witnessed that she can't put child in the car seat in the car) and I think that if for some reason ex cannot pick up child that as long as we both agree can make arrangements otherwise. I don't feel comfortable with the other parties picking up daughter as they are worse then ex and I can see there be conflict between me and them.
  #6  
Old 05-14-2010, 04:10 PM
HammerDad HammerDad is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Hamilton
Posts: 3,774
HammerDad will become famous soon enough
Default

If the ex-FIL shows up and appears intoxicated, you can refuse to allow him to take the child. It is as simple as that.

As of ex-MIL, so long as the card seat is properly installed in her car, you will have a hard time arguing that she cannot take her. You can ask who installed the car seat, and to inspect it. And if you feel it is improperly installed you can ask her she would mind if you corrected the mistake. If she refuses to allow you to fix the seat, you can refuse to allow your daughter to go based on safety concerns until the carseat is properly installed. But you should make the offer to fix the problem, as just outright refusing to allow your daughter to go could make you appear as being uncooperative. Offering to fix the problem and them refusing, puts the shoe on the other foot.
  #7  
Old 05-14-2010, 04:37 PM
tugofwar's Avatar
tugofwar tugofwar is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: mostly in my own little world
Posts: 1,384
tugofwar is on a distinguished road
Default

It's not so much fil picking up, yes maybe I can judge whether or not he is intoxicated but someone who drinks frequently sometimes it's hard to prove. My ex called me once to say his dad will drop off child and I didn't think much about the drinking and driving until after my child was returned. It was christmas and I know for a fact he was drinking.... I just wasn't thinking when I said it was ok that time.... Luckily she was returned to me safe.
We have had issues with the car seat and continue to. Ex didnt see why I had some concerns about the way he was picking up child. (long story!)
Outlaws had car seat ( infant- rear facing car seat) was not properly installed in the car and that week they took it to get a police check and I was informed it was improperly installed
The MIL can not lift our child much because of her age and she had an accident a few years back that make's it really hard for her to lift child. She can't put her in the car and in the car seat.
On top of that, I would rather deal with ex as I have learned to deal with him. Outlaws, there's just too much conflict there and I know I have a really difficult time having to see them... makes me actually feel nauseous all day thinking about having to come face to face with them
  #8  
Old 05-14-2010, 04:53 PM
HammerDad HammerDad is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Hamilton
Posts: 3,774
HammerDad will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by tugofwar View Post
Outlaws had car seat ( infant- rear facing car seat) was not properly installed in the car and that week they took it to get a police check and I was informed it was improperly installed
That is why you ask to inspect it quickly and fix it if it is not properly installed. Make it seem like you are doing them a favour.

Quote:
The MIL can not lift our child much because of her age and she had an accident a few years back that make's it really hard for her to lift child. She can't put her in the car and in the car seat.
Again, in the best interests of your child, you ask if you can help her with putting her into the car as you know she sometimes struggles.

You understand you don't like these people. But the problem is we all have to deal with them. If you can give yourself some comfort in knowing your daughter is safely in the seat then IMO it is worth having to interact with them.

Also, failing to offer to help can make you look like the bad guy. Either you allow her to take the child and knowingly put the child at risk. Or you deny access, risk further confrontation in a situation that could've been easily remedied had you only offered to help. You just have to figure out what is less appealing to you.

Quote:
On top of that, I would rather deal with ex as I have learned to deal with him. Outlaws, there's just too much conflict there and I know I have a really difficult time having to see them... makes me actually feel nauseous all day thinking about having to come face to face with them
Here is the tough love part, but that is the life when you are in the situation you are in.

My ex is difficult with me (well, right now she absolutely hates me), her dad threatened to kill me once a few years back and her mom also hates me. I still have to see the ex's mom every Wednesday when I pick up my daughter, and I just do my best to let it roll of my shoulders. I still have to see the ex's dad at my daughters ballet recitals and graduation events etc.

We may not like these people and we can do all in our power to ensure we limit our contact with them. But they are your daughters family, and the dad is making decisions based on what he feels in your daughters best interests during his parenting time. We may not like it, but there isn't much we can do to solve that without making us out to look like the villain in the process.
  #9  
Old 05-14-2010, 05:16 PM
tugofwar's Avatar
tugofwar tugofwar is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: mostly in my own little world
Posts: 1,384
tugofwar is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by HammerDad View Post


Again, in the best interests of your child, you ask if you can help her with putting her into the car as you know she sometimes struggles.
Ok, so fine if I put her ( i offered and she accepted) which is fine, but how is she getting her out of the car? What if there was no one else around to help.
I have safety concerns about our child when with ex and family, I have addressed them and they seem to finally get it! ( lawyer probably stepped in and said I think she has valid reasons to worry about child's safety)
Outlaws don't understand the importance of a car seat, I highly doubt they even know how to use it as there has been instances where I question it myself)
When they had their kids, they sat in the back seat with no seatbelts or anything..... yes and I know somehow we all survived
Closed Thread


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
The Best Interests of Children: An Evidence- Based Approach WorkingDAD Divorce & Family Law 13 01-12-2013 09:15 PM
Joint Physical Custody: Smart Solution or Problematic Plan? WorkingDAD Parenting Issues 19 09-17-2012 07:38 AM
Joint custody - questions & answers (US) first timer Parenting Issues 0 03-20-2011 01:07 AM
sole custody question tcl18 Divorce & Family Law 2 05-27-2009 08:35 AM
How to proceed CatvsLion Divorce & Family Law 9 04-25-2006 11:10 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:52 AM.