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  • cross examination in divorce

    y husband left me for another woman when I became ill a few years ago. I have gotten some help by some friends to get my legal case going for spousal and back child support.
    Since my illness is provoked by stress two of my specialists have advised me not to do cross examination as the other lawyer attempts to truth into a lie. I have not lied to my lawyer or to the courts in any way, I only want back what is mine.
    I had two letters from specialists stating that I should not be cross examined, I could use interoggatories or appoint someone else to take my place due to my disability.
    The judge looked at my letters and refused to allow me to do interrogatories. A few days after this happened, the stress of the entire mess put me into hospital with a severe infection and kidney failure.
    What should I do? If I am on dialysis the rest of my life by the decision of a judge without any medical training, what is this country about?
    The reason I am in this situation is becuase my ex could not cope will a chronic illess and above all the losss of my big paycheque to disability.
    Any advice?

  • #2
    That's a dilemma. Your illness prevents you from giving testimony. On the other hand your ex has a right to question you if you are bringing forth a claim.

    As harsh as it sounds, your ex's unwillingness to remain in the relationship and his leaving you for another woman when the going got tough won't likely matter, at least on the record.

    Can you make a generous offer to settle that might entice your ex into agreement so as to avoid the stress of the proceedings? You won't get everything to which you are entitled or want, but no one ever does in family law.

    Comment


    • #3
      cross examiniation in divorce

      Hi Thanks for your advice, however this louse left me and I supported 3 children until a few months ago, and he never gave 1 penny for support and I now have 200000 in debt to support his children.
      As for taking his offer, he offers 0. Not even support for his own children. He is lowest of the low to begrudge his own children and to put me through this after he was married to me for 27 years and enjiyed my income all the while. Once my income was gone, so was he with my friend that has the same income I once had.

      Comment


      • #4
        so they were his kids, you were not the mother? I am resonable sure that the debt you incurred was partly due to your medical conditon.

        If your health is that bad then just walk away from it. Divorce is never without stress and you have to decide what is more important the $$$$ or the health. You can claim bankrupcy to get rid of some of the stress. You are still angry and rightly so, but do you want this to kill you??

        Comment


        • #5
          regarding your post, yes they are my kids as well and i am living on disability a significant amount less than when i was woriking. I happen to have full health insurance with exception of some prescriptions.
          I paid university tuitions, dental bills,and some of my own health bills as the creep took me off of his insurance plan.
          this is canada, and there should be some justice.
          i don[t see where you get off saying he owes me nothing, they are his kids too after a 27 year marriage.
          he is too selfish to share with the family he created and the family he lived with and mooched from for 27 years (meaning my big paycheque) he was fine until my paycheque was gone and he no longer had the means to live the life he was used to so he left his wife and kids to live in poverty.
          Now! is that justice! you jerk!

          Comment


          • #6
            dear standing on the sidelines.
            1. you must be a man
            2. you must not have children or not feel that they are your responsiility 50/50.
            3. if the mother of your children became ill would you decide to try and kill er through the court system to get your way?
            4. you said that the children are also mine, and I spent90% of my disability income supporting them until they were able to leave home.
            5. Why should I lose my financial future because of a deadbeat?

            please answer my questions,

            Comment


            • #7
              You have to learn not to assume things. I never once said that he does not owe you anything, I just question if it is worth you life.

              first off I am a woman and I really hope that you were not calling me a jerk.

              I do believe that kids are the responsiblilty of both parents.
              why should he not get his day in court? He has the right, the same as you. Your illness does not mean that he no longer has the right to defend any actions that you bring against him.

              As for losing your financial future you said yourself that the court case could kill you, what is more important to you? life or going after him. The courts cannot force a man or woman to be a moral person. Life and divorce is never fair.
              Last edited by standing on the sidelines; 02-09-2009, 06:25 PM.

              Comment


              • #8
                StressedOut,
                I think that your attack on standing on the sidelines was completely unjustified.
                People on this site fall into 2 groups, those seeking help and those wanting to offer help. Those who offer want fairness for others that they perhaps didn't get themselves.

                I think your case is very strong for getting restitution on CS and SS. Your tact of trying to avoid cross by your ex's lawyer makes no sense.
                If you stop and think you will realize that your kidney disease makes your court case very strong. How would his lawyer look attacking a woman who is on dialysis.
                If you are being honest with us, I would even suggest you go it without a lawyer in court.
                You have had the strength to parent your children without him. Be strong enough to get what you deserve.

                FN

                Comment


                • #9
                  I have decided that I am going to be cross examined. and if it kills me then my children will know what I married. I am on long term disabiity; no secrets there....sorry. I have writtten multiple affadavits with cancelled cheques, and all of the proof in the world for all of the expenses I have incurred to raise the chiildren. Since I paid for ther total wellbeing on my meager income and I am sick and a judge decided that she had a medical degree, does that mean that I do not deserve justice? I hardly think so. I am an advocate for the disabled, and just because I have a disability does not give him the right to steal from me and get away with it. He is a deadbeat dad and my lawyer has not had a chance to present my side. That is what I hired her for.
                  I have been stressed enough writing affadavits getting bank statements to back up my every word, so in the end I am going to stick it to him good, and if it kills me so what i don't have a life anyway.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    No one has said that you do not deserve justice, but justice is a two sided coin. Each side gets a chance to put their evidence forward and dispute the other sides evidence. Just because you have a disability does not allow you the right to use it as a defence of not allowing cross examination. It is obvious that you have lots of anger (Iwould be pissed to) but to say that you will stick it to him even if it kills you shows how much you need some therapy to deal with your anger issues. This will sound harsh but it seems like in your last post you are using your disability as an excuse.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Stressedout - while I don't have a disability, I can understand where the anger comes from, but sometimes you have to step back and think about your approach to the whole matter.
                      Hell look at me, I finally won my battle for custody of my kids after trying with a lawyer first, giving up due to finances once, and then trying all over again. And while I won the battle to get child support for the kids, it's in arrears with no likelihood of seeing anything for awhile again, and I face eviction from the place the children and I live as of the 17th of this month because I am unable to keep up due to trying to pay everything on my own with no financial support otherwise.
                      Just remember that life has to get better, it may very well get worse first, but when I am trying to figure out how not to be living in a shelter in a few weeks - life has to get better than that.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        There's a river in Russia, it's called the Crimea

                        Originally posted by stressedout View Post
                        regarding your post, yes they are my kids as well and i am living on disability a significant amount less than when i was woriking. I happen to have full health insurance with exception of some prescriptions.
                        I paid university tuitions, dental bills,and some of my own health bills as the creep took me off of his insurance plan.
                        this is canada, and there should be some justice.
                        i don[t see where you get off saying he owes me nothing, they are his kids too after a 27 year marriage.
                        he is too selfish to share with the family he created and the family he lived with and mooched from for 27 years (meaning my big paycheque) he was fine until my paycheque was gone and he no longer had the means to live the life he was used to so he left his wife and kids to live in poverty.
                        Now! is that justice! you jerk!
                        Originally posted by stressedout View Post
                        dear standing on the sidelines.
                        1. you must be a man
                        2. you must not have children or not feel that they are your responsiility 50/50.
                        3. if the mother of your children became ill would you decide to try and kill er through the court system to get your way?
                        4. you said that the children are also mine, and I spent90% of my disability income supporting them until they were able to leave home.
                        5. Why should I lose my financial future because of a deadbeat?

                        please answer my questions,
                        You owe standing on the sidelines an apology. And you also owe me and the other men on this forum an apology for points one and five above.

                        You say that the stress of litigating could kill you. Well, you are well and truly willing to engage in hostile, angry and stressful behaviour here, so bring forth your rightful and lawful claim for SS and CS which you will certainly get.

                        Just be willing to sit your angry ass down in the chair to answer the questions the "deadbeat" has for you.
                        Last edited by dadtotheend; 02-09-2009, 10:49 PM.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          look you really don't know what you are talking about when it comes to my disability. I have a rare disease that can attack any part of my body at an time, or i can become septic which is a blood infection that can make me critically ill in 24 hours. Stress can start something or make and existing issue worse. I have already gone into kidney failure and dont know if they will be back on line. This happened when the judge refused the letters provided re my condition.
                          I really resent the fact that you stated that i am using it as an excuse as I would rather face the ****** and deal with the law let him put his cards on the table if I knew for sure that my current issues would not become worse or will I develop another problem, however I don't know what will happen until after the fact.
                          Since I am already close to losing my kidneys and due to my condition and I cannot last long on dialysis. that makes me dead if my kidneys don't pick up.
                          So like I said at this point in my life the damage is done, and I might as well go for it, as I will get the back child support, the money he stole from our family home, the entire works, and then at least my kids can have a decent life after he has paid my estate.
                          If I survive for a while, great I will be able to enjo my kids for a little while longer, however I refuse to let that leach keep anything that I am owed.

                          Regarding the anger, I have dealt with it, a year after he lft me , he broke into my apartment and sexually assualted me, and then stalked me by phoning20-30X per day, and if anyone is interested I can publish the 300 plus sick email that he sent me regarding what he wanted to do to me.
                          The last straw was the day he called and said that he would alienate all of my kids from me and keep them away. I tried to pack it in that day and nearly succeeded. So I have had my help. If you wonder why I am still angry, think about it. You might be too., So don't sit up on your high horse and tell me that I am using my disability not to be cross examined. I become frozen with fear when I am in the same room as him, his voice causes me to shake, and I am still very afraid of him.
                          The courts do provide a different method of answering questions and that is by interoggatories or I can be deemed disabled by the court and have someone else answer my questions. My lawyer has expained that I have a singificant enough disability to warrant either way.
                          Last time she went to court the judge did not look at any of her pleadings only his, so my side was not presented and the judge did not approve the interoggatories. There will be another court date and I will go and answer any quetions he has and what wil be will be....my children are grown and healthy thanks to me not the deadbeat and I have lived a good life. If I can get this one thing done before I go, it will be a blessing for other women that may be in my shoes . Abused however staniding up for my rights as a person and the rights of my children.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I don't owe anyone an apology as this idiot has not owned up to his responsibilities.
                            If you have hats offf to you! You take the responsibility of your children seriously.
                            I will not claim bankrupsy while he lives in luxury and i live in squalor!
                            My health is important but my life is almost over anyway due to his antics.
                            I am going to sit my ass down in court and answer his stupid questions, and if it kills me it kills me I am almost there anyway.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Thanks for your comments. Just so you know I parented my children financially as the oldest was always responsible forthe others. I did not even have the strength to get out of bed for the first two years, just gave them my cards and they bought the food, paid tuition, books whatever they needed. They filled out applications for loans and I signed.
                              Yes I am close to dialysis however if it comes to that it wont help me. If my kidneys worsen or dont get better, I wont survive.
                              I am going to be as strong as I can and answer the questions for the sake of my children. He has stolen everything from me and from them. If the pendulum of justice swings to the truth, my children will be looked after in the future as well.
                              If you were advised not to go near the deadbeat be in his company or the compay of his counsel by two specialists what would you do? Go and risk becoming more ill or your life, or just forget it and let him get away with everything including the other things I mentioned earlier.
                              this will be the last time I make a post on this thread.
                              I dont think any of you have been of any assistance. Since you cant see me you dont think that I am ill. disabled is not dead. It does not prevent me from typing, however I am not able to do most of the things most people take for granted.
                              Now I really see the respect for the disabled (in whichever capacities) that the general public has. absolutely none!

                              Comment

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