New relationships

[Pink]

How do you all feel about entering into a new relationship before being completely divorced?

I have been talking to someone for quite a long time now and would like to move forward but he insists on me being divorced first.
I have been separated for 2.5yrs and we have been to court, custody is settled, just waiting on doing the financial end of it and I feel like there is no reason to not get into a relationship at this point.

Thoughts?

[Linear]

In our case, my wife was separated for a year before we started seeing each other, although the marriage was over long before that. She and I were together for two years before she bothered to push forward with the divorce. There was no rush for either of them; she and I just wanted to be married. I always used to think how odd it was that they got along so well for a *separated/divorced* couple. I had beers with the ex, and he and his new GF even visited us in the hospital when we had our daughter. Yep, life was great ... until my wife decided to ask for an adjustment in CS.

[MommaBear73]

I ended up dating me best friend lol. He was the one that helped me when the ex refused to pay CS and made sure the boys had everything they needed. Kids bugged us to date for a while, but I was worried about ruining our friendship. Best thing I ever did 5 years later we're still going strong and have a beautiful little 5 month old boy whom we all adore. I was separated from ex for nearly a year when we started dating, didn't bother me at all that I was still technically married especially since the ex was seeing someone before we had even split up

[Pink]

See, that's my way of thinking too.
We've been separated for over 2yrs, x has been engaged for over a year, I don't see any harm in me being in a relationship and moving on with my life.
I feel like the divorce is just a technicality, he however does not.
Very frustrating

[karmaseeker]

Doesn't matter what we think. If he "insists" on you being divorced first... sounds like he is pretty clear about how he feels. I would hope you would respect his feelings.

[walshch]

What's the holdup in getting your divorce? As karmaseeker says, if new BF insists on you being divorced before a relationship, what's stopping you ?

[Pink]

I've been trying very hard to respect them but after 2yrs I'm starting to think I'm wasting my time.
All my friends and family (including my counselor) think I should move on.

We are in the process of getting a divorce and have been for 1.5 years, the ex is stalling on the financial part of it and won't submit all of his income/asset info.
We just finished the custody portion a couple of weeks ago as well.

[walshch]

Pink..I'm a little confused. Who is "them" that you're trying to respect. And are your friends and family think you should move on from starting a relationship with your present 'friend'?

[Pink]

the "them" was in reference to karmaseeker saying I should respect the new bf's feelings about waiting until I'm divorced to be together. (them being his feelings)
Yes, friends and family think I should move on, they feel there is no reason for him to not be in a relationship with me and that he is stringing me along..

We are in an online relationship, talk every night, but haven't met yet..

[walshch]

Well..only YOU can decide what's best for you. It does feel good though, to get the Divorce Settlement in your hands, even if you don't have a relationship with this person over the internet. Why not get the divorce anyway?

[Mominneed]

Sounds controlling - but I'm jaded!

[karmaseeker]

He won't date you until you are divorced or he won't even meet you? I didn't think divorce papers were a prerequisite for coffee. What if you meet and it isn't what you expect? I think a willingness say hello to a friend in person is reasonable.

Something sounds sketchy.

[dadtotheend]

Y'all looking to hook up?

[red6419]

We are in an online relationship, talk every night, but haven't met yet..

I met a man who followed the 10 commandments - he wasn't religious, but found them a pretty good way to lead a decent life. One of those commandments is thou shalt not commit adultery and the other being not coveting your neighbours wife. So for his life it wasn't ok to be in a relationship with a married woman - even one that was separated. Ironicly the 10 commandments say nothing about getting it on with a single/divorced woman

Also I have to say - why are you trying to convince a man to be with you? If he's holding back then there's a reason and it's not you! You've not met him so how do you know he's not married? A scam artist? Who he says he is? You don't even know if there's chemistry. I say dump him and find someone who doesn't need convincing that you're the person he needs to be with. Find the man who can't live without you. You're worth it. IMHO.

[Pink]

red...you sound exactly like my friends
and my head agrees with you, but the other part of me says to just stick it out till the divorce is finalized, otherwise I'll always wonder.

lol and no dadtotheend, I'm not looking to just hook up :P

Thank you all for your input