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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 01-13-2019, 09:34 PM
Corona99 Corona99 is offline
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Default Parenting counselling

The separation agreement we have states vaguely that counselling is recommended. I interpreted that as the kids needed counselling, but they are in it already.

It could also be interpreted as my ex and I should get counselling, no?

Is that often in there?

And regardless of it being in the agreement or not, can/should a parent refuse to go to parenting counselling if their relationship is so hostile and difficult that they cannot get along, let alone parent together?

Thanks for your thoughts.
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Old 01-13-2019, 10:33 PM
Stillbreathing Stillbreathing is offline
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You state that your agreement vaguely recommends counselling. The kids are in counselling. Good. If you have an acrimonious relationship you probably shouldnít attend any type of counseling with your ex. However, you may want to go to counselling on your own just for you. To help you deal with the loss, anger and emotions so that you can better help your children.
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Old 01-13-2019, 10:48 PM
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The-Iceberg The-Iceberg is offline
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Corona do not pay for counselling if you don't have anger or so.

The counselling in your separation document is for your children not spouse and you.
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Old 01-14-2019, 01:17 AM
Corona99 Corona99 is offline
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I thought it might be, but the wording is vague.

I actually would prefer it was more clear, and did say we had to attend counselling.

The separation started badly, and over the last 2 years has just gotten worse and worse. My ex is hostile and vindictive and Iíve bent over backwards trying to be the ďbetter personĒ for the kids, but itís to the point that I canít even read her emails anymore as she twists everything.

It is hurting our kids.

Iíve asked and begged her to come with me to counselling, just to get the issues dealt with that are causing her hatred for me to cloud her judgement.

I told her she could choose the counsellor and that I would pay for everything. Or we can use our EAP which is free.

Iíve been in counselling for over a year to deal with my issues stemming from the emotional abuse I suffered during our marriage.

Weíve seen a parenting coordinator once, but it just caused more fights and resentment.

I think we both want the same thing, to be adults and be able to be reasonable and parent our children well, but that canít happen without intervention from someone.

Why would she refuse to go to counselling to help us deal with our issues so that we can coparent better?

Would a judge not think going to counselling is a good thing, as without it we are likely going to end up in family court 😔
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Old 01-14-2019, 02:10 AM
tunnelight tunnelight is offline
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What does the order say about counseling? Is it its own clause or is it in a paragraph that has items related to the children or related to you and ex ,(the parties). What part of the order is it in ? Is that part related to the parties or the child ? Is counseling in the order on consent or ordered by a judge ?
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Old 01-14-2019, 09:57 AM
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Janus Janus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Corona99 View Post
I actually would prefer it was more clear, and did say we had to attend counselling.
I would be hard pressed to think of something less productive than ordering somebody to go to counselling against their will. I would walk in there and play on my phone for an hour.

Quote:
Would a judge not think going to counselling is a good thing, as without it we are likely going to end up in family court 😔
So you want a judge to order something to avoid having a judge order something?

Anyhow, see above, forced counselling or mediation does not work, because both parties need to agree that it is necessary.
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Old 01-14-2019, 10:32 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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What Janus said.

Also, counseling isnít always a cure all. Your ex could go, agree, be on their best behaviour and then go back to being a jerk.

Someone on this forum once said you donít have to attend all the arguments you are invited to. My doc once told me you canít control others, you can only control your reaction to their actions.

Maybe you need to take a step back and set boundaries and stick to them. If your ex wants to be difficult, let them. Putting them on ignore is an excellent plan.

And if you are worried they will withhold the child(ren), you remind them that their actions are interference and refusal of parenting time and you deal with it that way.
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Old 01-14-2019, 11:25 PM
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arabian arabian is offline
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This may be redundant, however, have you attended the free "parent after separation" course that is offered by the local court? This is mandatory in some provinces and I am always struck by how odd it is that many people do not attend when not mandatory. I've had feedback that these courses are excellent. I'm sure others will chime in who have first-hand experience attending.
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