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  • #31
    Originally posted by AnarX View Post
    If this lady refused to have sex every single night, if that was her pattern of behavior -- something none of us will ever know -- then I think her victim status is highly dubious. She is just as much of an abuser as she portends her husband to be.
    I don't think so pally. Nice try. Neglect maybe, NOT abuse.

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    • #32
      Originally posted by dadtotheend View Post
      Neglect maybe, NOT abuse.
      Not trying to support the guy who suggests that the OP encouraged the assault, but isn't neglect a form of abuse?

      Anyway, we don't know what happened here. She may have told him that she was now gay and doesn't want to have sex with him anymore. Then one night while they were in bed, she had the kid there figuring he wouldn't make a move on her with the kid in the bed. Kid falls asleep dad rolls over grabs her boob and suggests having sex. She claims sexual assault, as she advised him prior that she no longer had any sexual desire for him. He may have thought what a lot of guys do, that just because she is now gay, doesn't change much from their previous relationship and "she may change her mind"...(lol, I mean, like really).....in this case, he is stupid and his actions do fall into the catagory of sexual assault, but his intentions were more "innocent" in nature (but not in the eyes of the law). But he is still an idiot. They may have possibly been intimate days prior to this, and he didn't think anything of it....

      edit - I note that everything I said above is hypothetical, as I really don't want or need the OP to devulge her sex life to a bunch of people on the internet. I was talking in vague scenarios and possible thought processes (or limited though processes).

      Or, he could have forced himself on her and violently assaulted her. We don't know. Either way it doesn't matter much, both are wrong and we don't know the whole story.

      What we do know now is that she is fighting an uphill battle because he got her to retaliate and he actually called the cops.
      Last edited by HammerDad; 09-21-2010, 02:14 PM.

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      • #33
        Originally posted by AnarX View Post

        Now, let us consider putting the shoe on the other foot. If this lady refused to have sex every single night, if that was her pattern of behavior -- something none of us will ever know -- then I think her victim status is highly dubious. She is just as much of an abuser as she portends her husband to be. I say that fully recognizing that marital rape is unacceptable behavior. Regardless, in the context of marriage, a spouse withholding intimacy and affection from the other is abuse. When it happens regularly without explanation, then it becomes sociopathic too. If you drive somebody crazy, you should expect crazy behavior in response.
        Regardless of how often she "refuses" sex, forcing oneself onto another without consent is sexual assault, and the law is very clear on that, be it marital or otherwise...I cannot believe you are trying to justify sexual assault!

        And, for the record, regardless of her behaviour, if she was sexually assaulted she is a victim. A spouse withholding intimacy and affection is not abuse...it is grounds for divorce

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        • #34
          Originally posted by InterprovincialParents View Post
          A spouse withholding intimacy and affection is not abuse...
          Yes it is:

          Domestic Abuse - A Comprehensive Look At Domestic Abuse

          Withholding Sex – Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment

          Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment

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          • #35
            How did we revert to arguing semantics on a hypothetical scenario? lol I need lunch!

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            • #36
              dadtotheend- you feel the need to do this to "newbies" on the internet for what exact reason? I'm guessing an inferiority complex. Your not a judge, your a lonley divorcee who spends his time lurking on the internet to to unleash your negativity on internet "newbies" who you feel are not child centered. And yes, your internet friends follow suit. Probaby because the have finally found a place to fit in and feel important as judge and jury. lol. I can see why you are divorced.

              As for my position on the other board, it has nothing to do with being child centered, it has to do with following a court order, You decided to turn it into a child centered debate. There is a reason I have sole custody of my children and is acess is very outlined in the order. This is a step up from the supervised access he had a 2 years ago and the no access he had prior to that. How is that for child centered? So please stfu.

              Hammerdad-The yuk factor is how he can think this is funny in any way as the lady who originally started this thread is quite upset as she feels she was sexually abused in front of her children. I have slept with my kids as well, never had sex with them present but to each their own I guess.

              Comment


              • #37
                Originally posted by monkees View Post
                dadtotheend- you feel the need to do this to "newbies" on the internet for what exact reason?
                I was pretty clear about that already.

                Your response was just as I expected monkees. How about a kiss you sweet thang you?

                I'm a lonely sole custodial parent who lets his ex have a little access here and there. My kids are doing just fine thank you.

                I've seen you're kind come and go here many times over. I'm done with you.

                Have a great day!!
                Last edited by dadtotheend; 09-21-2010, 03:37 PM.

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                • #38
                  Originally posted by InterprovincialParents View Post
                  How did we revert to arguing semantics on a hypothetical scenario?
                  -- because the Opening Poster left salient details out of her story.





                  Originally posted by blinkandimgone View Post
                  It doesn't matter what her pattern of behaviour or interest in relations were - you CANNOT justify sexual assault or rape in any way at all and assign blame to the victim.
                  That is not what I wrote and that is not what I believe.

                  Originally posted by blinkandimgone View Post
                  Everyone has the right to say NO at anytime, before or during and anything that occurs after that point is assault.
                  I will just wait until MudFoot tells us what really happened.

                  Originally posted by blinkandimgone View Post
                  You cannot honestly expect anyone to agree with you that this woman is at fault for being assaulted because she refused to be intimate with him which drove him to assaulting her!
                  I am not saying she is at fault. I am putting her accusation of sexual assault into question. I made that clear.

                  Originally posted by blinkandimgone View Post
                  The rest of your post about her choice of partners afterwards is ridiculous also. After what she's been through already,
                  Oh... and what exactly has she been through?

                  Originally posted by blinkandimgone View Post
                  it doesn't surprise me she would choose to move in a different direction. Hopefully her new partner is supportive and makes her happy.
                  You are kidding, right? Get with the 20th century. Sexual orientation is not a choice. Jeezz.





                  Originally posted by InterprovincialParents View Post
                  Regardless of how often she "refuses" sex, forcing oneself onto another without consent is sexual assault,
                  That is not what she said. She said absolutely nothing about what he did. She just accused him of being a criminal without telling us what he did.

                  Originally posted by InterprovincialParents View Post
                  and the law is very clear on that, be it marital or otherwise...I cannot believe you are trying to justify sexual assault!
                  I can not believe you missed the fact that she never actually told us what he did and yet, you are quick to assume that he forced himself on to her.

                  Originally posted by InterprovincialParents View Post
                  And, for the record, regardless of her behaviour, if she was sexually assaulted she is a victim. A spouse withholding intimacy and affection is not abuse...it is grounds for divorce
                  Maybe but she would be no more of a victim than a person who starts a fight and then loses. Depending on what her husband actually did, she may simply be a victim of herself.


                  So far, all we have here is a woman who accuses her husband of sexual assault without telling us what happend. We all know that men, even when they are falsely accused, are screwed once the sexual assault charge is levelled against him and they can lose his kids. It clearly worked for half of the people here in this thread. Thus, the only power he has is to fight back is by producing evidence putting her behavior and her attitude in question. That is all we know.

                  Until she enhances her story, I think it is highly presumptuous to jump all over her ex-husband. If her accusation is baseless, I say more power to her ex-man. There is nothing in her story or any of her posts which would rule out the above possibility.

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Originally posted by InterprovincialParents View Post
                    How did we revert to arguing semantics on a hypothetical scenario? lol I need lunch!
                    Dunno, just clarifying some points. Meh well.

                    [quote = monkees]
                    Hammerdad-The yuk factor is how he can think this is funny in any way as the lady who originally started this thread is quite upset as she feels she was sexually abused in front of her children. I have slept with my kids as well, never had sex with them present but to each their own I guess. [/quote]

                    Not sure if anyone here thought anything was funny and if they did, they have bad taste. Personally I didn't find any of it funny, but this lady is in for a rough ride as her ex is one with an actual police report and all she has are allegations (post being charged which are generally looked upon as being retaliatory).

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      She never said she was withholding sex as a form of punishment. There are a thousand different reasons she could have chosen not to.
                      Originally posted by: monkees
                      As for my position on the other board, it has nothing to do with being child centered, it has to do with following a court order, You decided to turn it into a child centered debate. There is a reason I have sole custody of my children and is acess is very outlined in the order. This is a step up from the supervised access he had a 2 years ago and the no access he had prior to that. How is that for child centered? So please stfu.
                      And therein lies the problem - you don't care if it's in the children's best interest or being a child centered parent. You want to win for the sake of winning, regardless of the outcome or effects on anyone else - even the children.

                      And really - stfu? You're posting on a public message board where all are allowed to post, even if they don't agree with you and if you don't like it. You need to get some perspective on your issues, which lots of people find here when they can read and absorb information with an open mind rather than just trying to find someplace to post where everyone is going to share your opinions and tell you you're right - even when you may not be.

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Originally posted by blinkandimgone View Post
                        She never said she was withholding sex as a form of punishment. There are a thousand different reasons she could have chosen not to.
                        She didn't, someone else made the comment that withholding sex is not a form abuse, I just corrected them.

                        Here, the OP's sexual preference is at issue, giving her justifiable reasoning for withholding sex.

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Nowhere in the original post was there any comment about withholding. Nor do I see the sexual orientation of the poster as justification for withholding...she had children with this man...so obviously it was not an orientation issue.

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            How funny how this post has brought out so many different opinions, and personal assaults on the various posters.

                            I may be biased in some of my opinions, but they are based largely on our current biased court system. Maybe I come off a bit strong, but the abuse leveled at me and a few others for questioning this woman's original accusations of assault on her husband was just wrong, and some of you need to wake up and realize that not all accusations are factual, and there was lots left open about the initial post. Half here questioned the assault, the other half took her claim of assault and read into it the most violent of acts, and then in turn leveled attacks on those who questioned the assault.

                            Bottom line is NOBODY KNOWS WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED.

                            I also would like to point out that nobody said she deserved to be assaulted. If she was assaulted, that is terrible, and he needs to be punished. But as has been pointed out many times now, she has never explained what the assault was.

                            I think HammerDad's little story may be one possible way to take her accusation. If the situation was as his little scenario, then yes technically the man is guilty of assault. But I think all of you smart people here would agree that there should never be a charge for this lack of good judgement.

                            And those who have taken offense with the comment of sex with children in the bed clearly have no clue. Have you never slept in a tent with your wife when the kids were young and asleep? What was implied by this comment had nothing to do with wild raunchy debauchery.

                            But finally blinkandimgone has finally gotten to the heart of the problem here. Mom has lost sight of what all this means to the kids, and is more worried about the court order.

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              Originally posted by HammerDad View Post
                              She didn't, someone else made the comment that withholding sex is not a form abuse, I just corrected them.

                              Here, the OP's sexual preference is at issue, giving her justifiable reasoning for withholding sex.
                              Sorry HD - you were indeed not the poster who implied such, my apologies! Friendsies?

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                Originally posted by InterprovincialParents View Post
                                Nowhere in the original post was there any comment about withholding. Nor do I see the sexual orientation of the poster as justification for withholding...she had children with this man...so obviously it was not an orientation issue.
                                AnarX made the comment about withholding, not me. You said withholding wasn't abuse, I corrected you.

                                Her sexual orientation isn't at question, but possible reason IF this was an issue within her relationship. I was at no point commenting on whether or not she was, just correcting the comment that withholding sex wasn't a form of abuse.

                                Comment

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