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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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Old 07-16-2018, 02:19 PM
Fluffy Fluffy is offline
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Default Blending Families

Was hoping to get some opinions and advice on blending families.

I'm fortunate enough to be almost 5 years since we settled on a custody agreement and my 9 year old daughters mother and I have been able to successfully co-parent since then without having to once refer to our agreement. Joint custody, 50/50 shared.

The time has come to move on to the next stage and will be moving in with my girlfriend and her 3 year old son at the end of the summer. We've been together for two years, have been planning this for 6 months now so are feeling pretty good about it. Kids get along great with each other and the other parent.

So the first part is any suggestions or advice on how to ensure it is successful? Read lots of blog posts but real life examples from real people are always helpful.

The one thing that I am a bit unsure of his how to manager the best interests of both kids (or families) in fair and equal manner. With my daughter being 9 and us well passed to custody issues we are generally a pretty easy going family, roll with the punches, make the best of any situation etc. My girlfriend is in a bit of a different stage with her son only being 3 and still sorting out a custody agreement. Generally speaking she is a very organized and disciplined person to begin with and is naturally very protective of her son, his environment, routine etc.

Overall I'm very much understanding and supportive of this, I remember what it was like when I was going through it 5 years ago with a similar aged kid. But I do worry that by being so easy going the pendulum could end up swinging too far over time to one side which I imagine could cause issues. Also, as great as my daughter is doing, at 9 the social pressures, hormones (puberty has started), self-esteem challenges are starting to become very apparent - I feel that this is both an exciting but also vulnerable time for her. So I worry about her feeling that this isn't a good change over time. As it stands right now she is excited to have a younger brother and appears very much excited to be a helping big sister, but I do worry that it could turn into a burden over time if not managed appropriately.

Any input, suggestions, thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
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Old 07-27-2018, 07:48 PM
Newfie76 Newfie76 is offline
Join Date: Nov 2015
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Not sure if I can be much help really, as kids ages in my situation is much different.

What I can say is blend slowly....I would be more concerned for how your daughter handles the blend vs your girlfriends child. Stats indicate kids around 10 and up have a much harder time blending no matter how long you and your ex have been separated.

In my situation, my kids are younger and seem to be adjusting very well. But my girlfriends child has become violent, vulgar and doing bad things.... It to the point we may end the relationship because of it.

And where her child is not mine....its not my place to discipline him. And so in short try doing things together as a sleep overs etc....trying sharing things...and see where it goes....
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Old 08-13-2018, 12:41 PM
ensorcelled ensorcelled is offline
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What is your gf's custody schedule? Any chance you can blend the two sides so it's more 'family' when you're all together?
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