Since posting my introduction a couple weeks ago, we've had the first "big talk", and a few smaller ones. The big one went about as expected, with lots of tears on her part. She knew something was up, just not how bad. One of the things that surprised me was that I had to push hard to make the counselling happen... She knew that we have issues to work out, but figured we could do it on our own without bringing someone else into it. I figured we'd had 18 years to deal with it on our own, so we don't appear to have the tools to deal with it and need to bring in the pro's.
The other surprise was the lack of emotions on my part during our talks. I'm trying to figure out if this makes me a bad person, or if I've just given up, or what the cause is. We've had kinda similar discussions in the past (when we split briefly about 15 years ago, and about a drinking issue a couple years ago), and I was right there with her on the tears. This time, nothing... Just makes me wonder. Feels like I should be feeling more, if that makes sense.
In any case, she gets the next counselling session, and then we'll have one joint session before the end of the month. So far, things have been very civil... No more physical contact, no terms of endearment anymore, but other than that not any overt changes (like me sleeping on the couch or something). But overall, I'm feeling much less stressed, although I'm sure I've just transferred it over to her. I also haven't told her that I don't think things can be worked through... I figure that's something that might be best raised in a counselling session. My therapist knows how I feel though, and he's the one that will be talking to her.
C
The other surprise was the lack of emotions on my part during our talks. I'm trying to figure out if this makes me a bad person, or if I've just given up, or what the cause is. We've had kinda similar discussions in the past (when we split briefly about 15 years ago, and about a drinking issue a couple years ago), and I was right there with her on the tears. This time, nothing... Just makes me wonder. Feels like I should be feeling more, if that makes sense.
In any case, she gets the next counselling session, and then we'll have one joint session before the end of the month. So far, things have been very civil... No more physical contact, no terms of endearment anymore, but other than that not any overt changes (like me sleeping on the couch or something). But overall, I'm feeling much less stressed, although I'm sure I've just transferred it over to her. I also haven't told her that I don't think things can be worked through... I figure that's something that might be best raised in a counselling session. My therapist knows how I feel though, and he's the one that will be talking to her.
C
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