I can move!!!

[Becca]

I'm so excited - my parents live about 4hrs from me and are retired but still very young (62) and active. My kids (boy 10, girl 5) adore them and love to do so many different activities with them......we see them about every 4-6wks right now.

About 8wks ago, my son piped up and said he wanted to move near them. I have thought about this for years but didn't want to uproot the kids from their dad.

About their dad - we were married for 11yrs and he cheated on me numerous times over that period. He is a narcissistic sex addict and there stems the problems.......older son has had anger building about how his dad cancels plans, doesn't show up, or shows up late. And he never calls them, even if they leave them a phone message.

At first when I told their dad that I wanted to move for 'X' reasons he said he wasn't going to stand in my way. Then about 3wks ago, he says that he will get Legal Counsel and fight me - that I can't move without his consent.

I have no question that this move is in the best interest of the kids. I work full-time and have not one family member near me. The kids suffer missing hockey practices, soccer games, etc and with grand parents near, they will have help for all those things - including daycare and pick up to/from school.

I told ex that I have a journal of all his cancellations, missed dates, and wrong doings he's done to the kids. (sadly, I silently knew the day would come I'd need it for something or other)

I drafted up an amendment to our Separation Agreement saying that he is aware of the move and he allows it. In it, I also agreed to freeze the child support payment at the 2007 'rate' of his income level and said that I'd leave it at that until the end of 2011. And that there would be no retro-active payments/top ups/claw backs.

As of last night, he called me up and he signed the document!!! I'm so happy.....he'll still see the kids every 6wks, holidays and 4wks in the summer, but there will be so much needed support with myparents.

To all of you struggling, stay strong, do what is it the best interest of the kids and have FAITH.

Good Luck!
Becca

[Becca]

Wanted to add that we've been divorced for over 2yrs now - kids are 'typically' 2night/week with him though he cancels a night every other week or so.

Typical 'visit' with dad has my son coming home with blisters on his palms from playing video games for hours on end Yeah, good interaction with dad......

[msbfava]

Separation Agreement

I am in the middle of a nightmare .... my lawyer did a separation agreement for me which was signed in January of 2008. In that Separation Agreement he said that I would be entitled to 1/2 my husbands OMERS Pension, which I would receive once he retired and that I would also be entitled to recieve 100% of the Survivors Benefit. Oh yes, and we did not have the pension valued at the time of the separation agreement.

Recently, I submitted the Agreement to the OMERS Pension and the people. reviewed it and sent a list of things that had not been included in the Pension Portion of the Agreement .....

1) There was nothing written into the Agreement what would happen should my husband pass away before collecting any money.

2) There was nothing written into the Agreement, if he chose to take a lump sum as opposed to a monthly payment, that would protect me from him doing this.

3) Since I am no longer living with my husband, I am not entitled to receive the survivors benefit,as was promised and signed by my husband.

In addition to which, I also just found out that I will only qualify to collect the Pension for as long as he (my husband) is living. Be it one month or 10 years, once he dies I lose my interest in the Pension.

If my lawyer had done his homework and given me all the the pertanent information, I would have ensured that the pension had been valued and gotten a payout at the time of the Agreement.

In addition to which, I was married for 35 years and opted not to take the shirt off his back by taking alimony payments, because I thought that my senior years were secure because of the pension.

Anyway, I have hired another Lawyer to try to fix this because the original lawyer, can't be bothered because I won't pay him to fix his mistakes.

Also, can anyone explain to me about bill 133 and if I would qualify for it.

Lost in Space, and really scared because I don't want to be a bag lady in my old age!

msbfava

[Becca]

Sorry you're dealing with this - my original thoughts are that you should post this under a different topic/section so that others can see it. They may not look under Parenting = I can move. Just trying to help you out

I think that Lawyers are liable for ensuring you are covered appropriately - this is why we use Laywers in the first place. I'd find out what your rights are and go back after that Lawyer and have them fix their errors or omissions - its their job after all to cover your butt.

S/He should fix your agreement at no cost and if they won't, I'd take it to small claims court and report them to the Better Business Bureau - I'm sure they wouldn't like that much.

Good luck - and try posting under a toping in the "Main" category - just highlight your post and copy/paste and see if there are more replies for you.

Becca