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podric · #1 02-02-2022, 02:31 PM

Hi.

I split my kids 50/50 with the ex and that goes for custody too.
They doesn't like playing nice with custody and keeps violating the order. They love the power of not doing what I think is right.

Court order says we are supposed to consult and they just go and do.
I have the option of going to a doctor appointment, I am denied.
Doctor says do X and they make excuses and refuse to.
they are not anti-vaxxers but when trying to consult on a medical item they send me crazy things that dont apply or are just simply off.

We don't communicate well, even with a parenting coordinator, we dont' have anymore. The ex does what she can to make everything a mess. They may simply be stupid and angry but I can't say that.

Do I ever get out of this and simply get to make the final say? How bad does it have to get?

If I get a kid more than 60% of the time is getting final decision a sure thing?

iona6656 · #2 02-02-2022, 02:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by podric

Hi.

I split my kids 50/50 with the ex and that goes for custody too.
They doesn't like playing nice with custody and keeps violating the order. They love the power of not doing what I think is right.

Court order says we are supposed to consult and they just go and do.
I have the option of going to a doctor appointment, I am denied.
Doctor says do X and they make excuses and refuse to.
they are not anti-vaxxers but when trying to consult on a medical item they send me crazy things that dont apply or are just simply off.

We don't communicate well, even with a parenting coordinator, we dont' have anymore. The ex does what she can to make everything a mess. They may simply be stupid and angry but I can't say that.

Do I ever get out of this and simply get to make the final say? How bad does it have to get?

my ex is dumb too. and likes to contradict me for fun...BUT our agreement still says i have to consult with him on everything- and that I do. He won't see the PC anymore either.

BUUUUT- as to your question. What you're saying sounds like a "YOU" issue- and not necessarily a parenting issue. Is what your ex is doing having negative consequences on your kid?

I'm curious as to how you are denied taking your kid to the doctor if you have 50/50 and joint custody?

Quote:

If I get a kid more than 60% of the time is getting final decision a sure thing?

nah. you could have the kids 100% of the time and still have joint custody and have to make major decisions with your ex.

Would you ex be open to parallel parenting?

You make all the medical decisions. Ex makes all the education decisions.

Janus · #3 02-02-2022, 09:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by podric

Court order says we are supposed to consult and they just go and do.

Could you give an example of something that they went and did without consultation that:

1) You would not have agreed to
2) Had a negative effect on your child

Quote:

I have the option of going to a doctor appointment, I am denied.

Denied by who?

Also, in covid times, lots of places like to keep the number of people who attend appointments to a minimum.

Also, you already have 50%, you don't need to go to a doctor's appointment to keep it.

Quote:

Do I ever get out of this and simply get to make the final say? How bad does it have to get?

You need evidence that your ex is harming the child.

Some things that are NOT evidence:

1) Your feelings
2) Your parent's feelings
3) Your child's feelings
4) Your friend's feelings

Quote:

If I get a kid more than 60% of the time is getting final decision a sure thing?

That's just a transparent attempt to get child support, nobody is going to buy that.

podric · #4 02-02-2022, 09:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iona6656

BUUUUT- as to your question. What you're saying sounds like a "YOU" issue- and not necessarily a parenting issue. Is what your ex is doing having negative consequences on your kid?

Well I take the kid to the doctor, the doctor says do X I report back with the doctors instructions and the ex simply doesn't do them; makes excuses for not doing them like "it was too much trouble" or just trust me they have come up with some crazy ass shit.

Quote:

Originally Posted by iona6656

I'm curious as to how you are denied taking your kid to the doctor if you have 50/50 and joint custody?

I am denied attending the appointment because I don't get notified. I am not about to take the kid to the doctor for the same thing, that is wasteful and will annoy the doctor.
Order says we each have the option to attend and I want to attend because the ex is truly a screw up when it comes to doctors appointments and on occasion makes up illness for the kids.

Quote:

Originally Posted by iona6656

nah. you could have the kids 100% of the time and still have joint custody and have to make major decisions with your ex.

I don't know what a major decision is. Kid needs surgery: consult and if they don't like my decision they file a motion. I don't want they interfering for the sake of disagreeing or out of their batshit crazy views.
What is a major decision?

Quote:

Originally Posted by iona6656

Would you ex be open to parallel parenting?
You make all the medical decisions. Ex makes all the education decisions.

I don't know about them but our court order had that for a couple of things and they simply started deciding things without consulting me first as the court order outlined. They make decisions for their own benefit, not the kids.

podric · #5 02-02-2022, 09:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janus

Could you give an example of something that they went and did without consultation that:

1) You would not have agreed to
2) Had a negative effect on your child

I did not and would not have agreed to their X education not happening with their classmates and such a young age. It should have been done with their peers and when they were older.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janus

Denied by who?

Also, in covid times, lots of places like to keep the number of people who attend appointments to a minimum.

Also, you already have 50%, you don't need to go to a doctor's appointment to keep it.

It was a virtual appointment they set up that I stated I wanted to attend. My request was ignored.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janus

You need evidence that your ex is harming the child.

Some things that are NOT evidence:

1) Your feelings
2) Your parent's feelings
3) Your child's feelings
4) Your friend's feelings

Can do. Feelings of anxiety and fear count, getting that to evidence is a problem. There are other things.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janus

That's just a transparent attempt to get child support, nobody is going to buy that.

If I have the child more than 60% then I would already have full table child support. How is getting decision making a ploy to get more when more is not available? Is more available?

Janus · #6 02-02-2022, 10:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by podric

I did not and would not have agreed to their X education not happening with their classmates and such a young age. It should have been done with their peers and when they were older.

Do you have evidence that this harmed your child?

Quote:

It was a virtual appointment they set up that I stated I wanted to attend. My request was ignored.

Set up your own appointments in the future.

Quote:

Can do. Feelings of anxiety and fear count, getting that to evidence is a problem. There are other things

That was my point, you cannot collect evidence of anxiety and fear, so they do not count.

It doesn't sound like you have all that much here.

Quote:

If I have the child more than 60% then I would already have full table child support. How is getting decision making a ploy to get more when more is not available? Is more available?

Wait, you already have 60%?

podric · #7 02-02-2022, 10:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janus

Do you have evidence that this harmed your child?

It is my right by court order to be able to guide decisions for my child and in this case via consultation and my input, to be considered. I was not.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janus

Set up your own appointments in the future.

Set up a second appointment for the same item is going to go over like a lead balloon at the doctors office. It is an abuse of the health system and total nonsense when the court order already says I am allowed to attend.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janus

That was my point, you cannot collect evidence of anxiety and fear, so they do not count.

It doesn't sound like you have all that much here.

I do, the weak stuff is anxiety and fear and that is hard to get a child to testify to. There is evidence the other parent acted against the interests of the children and also they abused the medical system.
I don't think it matter if the end result was physical harm, it was malicious intent in one case and neglect on the other that did result in minor scaring. Does that matter?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janus

Wait, you already have 60%?

Significantly more than 60% for years.
Originally I had 50% when we agreed to 50/50 custody.

rockscan · #8 02-02-2022, 10:59 PM

Quote:

Significantly more than 60% for years.
Originally I had 50% when we agreed to 50/50 custody.

Then file a motion to change.

I don�t think you will be overly successful but you seem to think you are entitled. Court orders are rarely enforceable for the things you are angry about. If they were, jails would be full of people that don�t do what their exes want them to.

Your posts scream more about what YOU are unhappy about and YOU wanting to make your ex do what you want rather than �this is a serious threat to my child�s well being�.

podric · #9 02-03-2022, 07:00 AM

I know you post a lot. Here is my executive summary. "What are you talking about?

Quote:

Originally Posted by rockscan

Then file a motion to change.

I dont think you will be overly successful but you seem to think you are entitled.

The questions: Do I ever get out of this and simply get to make the final say? How bad does it have to get?

If I get a kid more than 60% of the time is getting final decision a sure thing?

I didn't understand these 2 questions reeked of entitlement. I have read on these forums several times "path to sole custody" and "will lose custody" Were those people that thought they were marked as entitled.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rockscan

Court orders are rarely enforceable for the things you are angry about. If they were, jails would be full of people that dont do what their exes want them to.

Ohhhhhhh!!!! I get it you are projecting that this is about anger. No, this is about violating a legal agreement between parties and court order and getting what I want, having an easier life and getting what is best for the kids.
Did you ever hear about financial penalties and other forms of correction.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rockscan

Your posts scream more about what YOU are unhappy about and YOU wanting to make your ex do what you want rather than this is a serious threat to my childs well being.

I want my ex to do what the judge wants as per the judges court order and as per what is best for the children.
I want that if the child gets a slash across the face the person caring for the child at the time to follow medical advice and have it stitched up or at least see a doctor. Instead of care be delayed until I get them days later.
I want the child to be represented at the doctors by informed and intelligent parent instead of one that has cuckoo banana views and can't remember what the medical issue is and what the doctor's instructions are.
I want a parent that when told by a doctor "do this" they do that instead of figuring out how not to do it.

rockscan · #10 02-03-2022, 09:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by podric

I know you post a lot. Here is my executive summary. "What are you talking about?

Im talking about what action you can take. You asked what to do. What you are asking for is not unreasonable but your evidence is key as is hers. If the child is in a situation that is unsafe or unhealthy, why haven�t you called CAS? The police? Gotten a report from the doctor? Just because you aren�t there doesn�t mean you can�t follow up for a report. If you are being denied information the doctor would be called out and they won�t want that. Call them and make an appointment to get an update. Bitching about it isn�t working.

Quote:

The questions: Do I ever get out of this and simply get to make the final say? How bad does it have to get?

You can file a motion to change requesting final decision making for medical issues. HOWEVER that does not mean your ex will follow it or take care of your child. You would need supervised access and that would require you to demonstrate a serious issue in her care. Serious issues may mean one thing to a court and another thing to you. In the case of a disabled child who requires intensive care, the standard may be different than a child who would not need certain supports like toileting, feeding tubes, medications etc.

Quote:

If I get a kid more than 60% of the time is getting final decision a sure thing?

Nothing in family court is a sure thing. A judge has to decide and they determine it on evidence presented. If your ex puts up a fight about being cut out of medical decisions then you could be looking at a trial at which you would need experts to prove your child is suffering in her care.

Quote:

I didn't understand these 2 questions reeked of entitlement. I have read on these forums several times "path to sole custody" and "will lose custody" Were those people that thought they were marked as entitled.

It mostly the tone of your posts. The veiled accusations, comments about your views and how you feel about your ex. I question whether this is a case of your ex isn�t telling you what you want or you were left out of something and you are angry. Or you are a control freak and have had it taken away. Either one could be true�anonymous forum.

Quote:

Ohhhhhhh!!!! I get it you are projecting that this is about anger. No, this is about violating a legal agreement between parties and court order and getting what I want, having an easier life and getting what is best for the kids. Did you ever hear about financial penalties and other forms of correction.

Still about anger. You are angry your ex isnt following the court order. Like I said, there are many MANY people out there and on this forum with ex�s that have failed to follow an order. You may want to do a search on this forum on contempt. As noted in every thread on that�it�s a high bar to prove. There may be penalties and ramifications but they barely ever happen. All newbies here say the same thing and then their bubble is burst.

Quote:

I want my ex to do what the judge wants as per the judges court order and as per what is best for the children. I want that if the child gets a slash across the face the person caring for the child at the time to follow medical advice and have it stitched up or at least see a doctor. Instead of care be delayed until I get them days later.
I want the child to be represented at the doctors by informed and intelligent parent instead of one that has cuckoo banana views and can't remember what the medical issue is and what the doctor's instructions are.
I want a parent that when told by a doctor "do this" they do that instead of figuring out how not to do it.

This is evidence you can use to prove your case. Have you documented everything? Have notes from the doctor visits? Requested documents? This can all be used to prove you should have the child full time and make all medical decisions and possibly have supervised access.

Look, I get you are worried about your child and angry at your ex�s lack of effort. I�m not trying to be a jerk. You have to think of what a judge and her lawyers will say and prepare for it. You need evidence. You need proof for all your claims and you need to check your emotions. Emotional people don�t do well in court. It is simply �my ex is neglecting our special needs child� and then �here are the dates and outcomes from all of those instances�. No emotion. Call CAS if needed, call her doctor, call any other workers she has. You will need to build your case.

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