Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Transportation for Access???

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Transportation for Access???

    Hi all

    So here is a question related to travel costs for access. I had touched on in a previous post.

    STBX moved 300km away (4 hours drive) on separation (fall 2011) with our son - now 8. I did consent to the move, but she also agreed to "help me out" with access, it was all verbal and friendly at the time. She was moving to the city he was born in, and where her family is from. She suffers from depression, etc - so her moving to where there is a support structure makes sense.

    I had asked her to share the driving 50/50 for several months. she never did.

    We follow a EOW and 1/2 holidays access schedule.

    In Feb 2012 I had my lawyer write a short letter to ask her to share driving, and I got a 2 page letter back from her lawyer with excuses why she cant. Saying the status quo was that I did all the driving, so that is what's fair, blah blah blah..

    I've done all the driving the last 23 months - except for 4 occasions.

    Driving doesn't cause any economic hardship for me. Its very time consuming thou - taking up two 8 hour days per access block..

    She has told me flat out she will not share driving.

    She claims she doesn't have the money for driving, car repairs, etc. This is true, in that she works part time, lives well beyond her means.

    She is a VERY stubborn woman. I would be thrilled if she did 25% of the driving. I know I'm not being unreasonable.

    We have no written separation agreement, but we have had a case conference. lawyer didn't bring up transportation as an issue for the case conference - CC was about $$$.


    When our son is older I'll put him on the greyhound bus, or fly him back to her after my access times. He is 8 now, so this is a few years away still.

    I don't think that Economic hardship is going to work for me to have my CS reduced. It would be a stretch to say the least.


    Any suggestions how to address this transportation for access issue?
    Last edited by me_vs_HCF; 08-22-2013, 05:29 PM. Reason: clarity

  • #2
    Upon separation I moved 6hrs away with consent from my ex. I was told by lawyers that I was under no obligation to contribute towards transportation for ex to exercise his access with the kids. Based on my experience I would suspect your ex could avoid sharing in transportation. I personally think the right thing to do is to share in the cost and/or time so I offered it and have it in my divorce order.

    You say the transportation does not cause you economic hardship but it does for your ex... Can you use this in negotiating with the ex? Perhaps offer to cover her fuel cost, or a rental car, if she can meet you part way? Alternatively you continue being responsible for the transportation but get an increase in time which is equal to the travel time (or at least half of it)?

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by smileandwalkaway View Post
      I personally think the right thing to do is to share in the cost and/or time so I offered it and have it in my divorce order.
      that is taking the high road...

      Originally posted by smileandwalkaway View Post
      You say the transportation does not cause you economic hardship but it does for your ex... Can you use this in negotiating with the ex? Perhaps offer to cover her fuel cost, or a rental car, if she can meet you part way? Alternatively you continue being responsible for the transportation but get an increase in time which is equal to the travel time (or at least half of it)?
      Funny, she did tell me that if she had a new car every few years it would be easier for her to help with driving. ah, im divorcing a "real housewives of (random Ontario city)"

      Thank you very much for your input.

      Comment


      • #4
        Essentially, you're boned.

        You consented, and there it is.

        The driving is worth it though, isn't it?
        Just chalk it up to the cost of being a good Dad.

        Comment


        • #5
          You shouldn't of consented to the move without getting in writing that she would contribute to the driving. Because you didn't, you pretty much screwed yourself.

          You can argue that she should contribute, but given the amount of time, it would be a tough sell. If anything, as there is nothing in writing, you could simply pick up the kid and then send an email stating that if she wants them for her parenting time, she can come get them. There is nothing in writing stating you will do all the driving, so you wouldn't be in breach of any order or agreement. But, that could lead her to start denying access in future. So I am not sure if it is a great idea.

          It really depends on what you are looking for. You could cause her to come get the child, but it also could make you look really bad.....it is just a matter of picking your poison.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by wretchedotis View Post
            Essentially, you're boned.

            You consented, and there it is.

            The driving is worth it though, isn't it?
            Just chalk it up to the cost of being a good Dad.

            You're right, the driving is worth it. It is time together, and we have our road side picnics. All I have to do is keep his IPod away from him so he will talk to me, instead of playing the 'dumb ways to die' (train safety) game.


            This also has taught me that I cant trust my stbx. And also reminds me why I left her selfish ass.

            And well, nothing is forever. He will grow older, I might move, you never know.

            thank you all for your sage advice.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by HammerDad View Post
              It really depends on what you are looking for. You could cause her to come get the child, but it also could make you look really bad.....it is just a matter of picking your poison.
              It took me a CC to get overnight access - judge asked her what her problem was. Tried to get me into a supervised access program - just because. Judge very irritated with her and her council.

              I'm not going to stir the pot any more then need be. She has a habit of stopping her brain candy (depression/ anxiety, et al.), and gets a little dramatic with people. I don't need the cops at my door (again), or an amber alert.

              Time to settle, with a clearly defined access schedule, and move on.

              Thanks!

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by me_vs_HCF View Post
                It took me a CC to get overnight access - judge asked her what her problem was. Tried to get me into a supervised access program - just because. Judge very irritated with her and her council.

                I'm not going to stir the pot any more then need be. She has a habit of stopping her brain candy (depression/ anxiety, et al.), and gets a little dramatic with people. I don't need the cops at my door (again), or an amber alert.

                Time to settle, with a clearly defined access schedule, and move on.

                Thanks!
                Good for you! Your ex was wrong to say she would work with you but then back down on it. You are being the bigger person and your child will benefit from your choice. Never sink to an exs level or you become no better then they are.

                Comment

                Our Divorce Forums
                Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                Working...
                X