Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce & Family Law > Common Law Issues

Common Law Issues The law regarding common law relationships is different than in cases of divorce. Discuss the issues that affect unmarried couples here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools
  #11  
Old 01-26-2011, 07:16 PM
NBDad's Avatar
NBDad NBDad is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: New Brunswick
Posts: 2,734
NBDad is on a distinguished road
Default

98% of the time you will settle this without a trial.

In 2% of cases you will go before a judge, have a trial and have a judge rule on it all.

The documentation is in case you wind up in that 2%...she can dispute it all you want. Document EVERYTHING. Doc's appts, dentist appts, Parent teacher stuff, ALL OF IT.

I realize the child is too young for parent teachers, but you get the idea.

If the kid had a checkup, or went to the dentist, you should have either receipts from that day, the appt. card, etc. that will also be used as proof you went.
  #12  
Old 01-26-2011, 07:38 PM
Mess Mess is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Toronto
Posts: 5,448
Mess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the rough
Default

If it looks like it's going to a trial you can get her to settle when you produce the log you kept showing how much time you spent caring for the 3 year old. She will spend the next year telling her lawyer, her relatives and her friends that she changed every diaper while you drank beer in front of the TV. You won't get near a court house (in a worst case scenario) for a year or more; you need these details written down because when your lawyer asks you what percentage of time you took care of the child you need to answer something more definitive than "Ummm..."
  #13  
Old 01-26-2011, 08:17 PM
walshch walshch is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 129
walshch is on a distinguished road
Default

Acura.. Run to the nearest store and get a digital recorder as dinkyface suggests. Trust me when I say it WILL save your bacon when faced with Criminal charges. Also document EVERYTHING.
  #14  
Old 01-26-2011, 10:13 PM
HammerDad HammerDad is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Hamilton
Posts: 3,952
HammerDad will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Acura View Post
Do we really need to go this far for Digital Voice Redorer or documenting daily activities? What if she disputes that as proof?

Would Judge/Court recognize this as evidence?
Simple answer is yes.

The false DV claim is the simplest way to get you out of the house and give her defacto custody of the children until you fight to have it dismissed. In the mean time, you've been dragged off in handcuffs (possibly in front of your kids or coworkers) labeled wife beater and have to pay a lawyer to fight the DV claim AND a family law lawyer to fight in family court to see your kids. Then once you actually get to see your kids, it will probably supervised access, and you will pay full c/s.

I've been around these boards for many many years now and read literally HUNDREDS of these stories. Seriously, get the freaking recorder. We aren't suggesting it because we have stock in Panasonic.

Normal scenario is she realizes that she isn't going to be able to steam roll you. She talks to her fellow Hens and they mention "if he ever raises his voice to you call the cops" and then you are bent over taking it from king kong from that point forward.

The recorder is useless when it comes to determining parenting and is completely inadmissible in court (unless she consents to being recorded), that is why we recommend journalling your activities with your kids. But should she try to pull the false DV complaint, you have that in hand, you play it back to the cops and she is one possibly getting hauled away for filing a false report.

Trust us, it is worth its weight in gold.

The journal will show the courts that you aren't the lazy uninvolved bum she is going to try and paint you as.

See, you have an opportunity to not be one of those guys I shake my head at down the road. The guy that doesn't do anything and isn't prepared for what this process is about. edit - the guy that comes on here after the DV claim is made or years down the road complaining how the system shafted him because he pretty much allowed it to happen. The system is sexist, you must fight that with proof or you will become a visitor in your kids life.

Yeah, we all hope for the best. But you MUST be prepared for the worst.

Last edited by HammerDad; 01-26-2011 at 10:18 PM. Reason: just a bit more
  #15  
Old 01-26-2011, 10:36 PM
Mess Mess is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Toronto
Posts: 5,448
Mess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the rough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by HammerDad View Post
The recorder is useless when it comes to determining parenting and is completely inadmissible in court (unless she consents to being recorded), that is why we recommend journalling your activities with your kids. But should she try to pull the false DV complaint, you have that in hand, you play it back to the cops and she is one possibly getting hauled away for filing a false report.
Just to clarify, the recording would be admissible in criminal court, but generally not in family court. To be admissible evidence has to be relevent and most family court judges don't want to bother listening to recordings, and generally speaking a recording isn't relevent to the type of things you argue in family court. A recording about how she secretly is earning 10x what she claims on her tax return, possibly.

Meanwhile if you are criminally charged you have every right to produce evidence showing your innocence. In Canada there is what is called "one party consent" meaning that as long as one party to a conversation (i.e. you) that is aware of the recording then it is legal to record, and therefore admissible as long as it is relevent. It is trickier if you are a police officer but for a defendent you can use a recording you made to show your innocence.
  #16  
Old 01-27-2011, 01:29 AM
representingself representingself is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Ontario
Posts: 992
representingself is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by dinkyface View Post
Funny story: I was with my 3yo girl visiting my first (nice) ex's parents. And DD had to pee. So I took her inside and helped her with her business.

Afterwards, my ex's dad (about 80) commented IN AWE that I was CAPABLE (as a man) to do this.

A real eye opener that this mindset does exist.
Not suprising, given that in his generation, (and every generation before his), men were the protectors and providers and women were the nurturers and caretakers...

It has only been in the last 50 years that the woman's traditional role as a home-maker, has changed...

Now with more and more women taking advantage of higher education and career opportunities, they are drastically changing the role of the modern woman in the household.

Not to say that there aren't still many stay at home mothers, (as I myself am one)... but we are becoming extinct.

Men used to take very different roles with their children.. As the provider, they were not often home to take part in the "child rearing" such as diapering, feeding, bathing etc...

Now... Dads everywhere are elbows deep in diaper genies and bum wipes...

It is taking a long time for the laws to catch up with the realities of todays families... but we are getting there.
  #17  
Old 01-27-2011, 09:44 AM
Acura Acura is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 21
Acura is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by dinkyface View Post
You have had sole custody of your first girl since 3yo, so that's a big advantage. An even bigger advantage if you have been the 90% caregiver when she was little (as opposed to a 50-50 arrangement).

You said "I know for a 2~3 year old, probably it's logical for the kid to be with mom" STRIKE THAT THOUGHT FROM YOUR BRAIN!
I have been the 110% caregiver of my first girl since she was 3, because her mom had chosen to pursue her 'dreams and aspirations' south of the border. Actually, at the time I was not even sure about myself if I could take on this task of being a single-dad, but looking back, wow, how rewarding it has been to be able to see your kid grow, to see her laugh/cry, day by day...

So I'm using 3 borrowed words and say to our fellow brothers - Yes We Can!!
  #18  
Old 01-27-2011, 09:59 AM
Acura Acura is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 21
Acura is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by walshch View Post
Acura.. Run to the nearest store and get a digital recorder as dinkyface suggests. Trust me when I say it WILL save your bacon when faced with Criminal charges. Also document EVERYTHING.
Ok, I WILL run to the store for a DVR today, not even tomorrow!

Just wonder how long I should keep the recording files rolling, like a two-month period or as long as it goes (could last 4~6 months)?
  #19  
Old 01-27-2011, 10:01 AM
HammerDad HammerDad is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Hamilton
Posts: 3,952
HammerDad will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Acura View Post
Just wonder how long I should keep the recording files rolling, like a two-month period or as long as it goes (could last 4~6 months)?
As long as you are cohabitating. Download every night to a secure computer. Have it on 100% of the time while in the house. If there are holes in the recordings, it becomes less effective as she could argue that any alleged act of aggression happened during one of those holes.
  #20  
Old 01-27-2011, 10:04 AM
Acura Acura is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 21
Acura is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by HammerDad View Post
As long as you are cohabitating. Download every night to a secure computer. Have it on 100% of the time while in the house. If there are holes in the recordings, it becomes less effective as she could argue that any alleged act of aggression happened during one of those holes.
Great, got it! Thanks!
Closed Thread


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Children's bennefits Wiser2008 Financial Issues 21 05-03-2019 07:21 AM
need info on getting temporary custody order sloane Divorce & Family Law 11 07-03-2010 12:49 AM
Information on Case Conference boyo Divorce & Family Law 3 05-30-2009 12:52 AM
Father is seeking child custody/joint custody! amhoush Parenting Issues 10 03-17-2009 07:50 PM
Need answers... jinx101 Introductions 7 05-28-2007 07:15 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 12:52 PM.