Announcement

**NBDad** · 01-11-2011, 09:30 PM

As some of you know, I had been working on a settlement with my ex since November using the recommendation of the OCL (joint custody with shared access using parallel parenting). On January 6th, my ex presented me with her version of settlement that was dated December 12th, asking for sole custody and a chance in access to very other weekend.

LMAO....so you have an OCL recommendation that your ex is trying to fight.

Yeah...OCL recommendations are used what? 80% of the time? As long as you are being reasonable and pretty much sticking to the status quo/OCL recommendations, keep pushing towards trial and start asking for costs.

Should I be preparing for trial?

ALWAYS be prepping for this.

The issues she is arguing is that I refuse to communicate with her, outside of email

Why would you do otherwise? Email places everything in written form, dated and time stamped. Verbally jousting devolves to he said -she said too quickly.

and I have threatened to have her removed from my property when she came here unannounced to pick up school photographs while our son was still at school and my step-daughter was home alone.

I wouldn't have gone that far, however I would have politely told her to please send me an email with what she was asking for and I would be more than happy to coordinate with her that way. Then shut the door. She starts banging on it, call the cops. End of story.

Verbal threats = he said she said = verbal jousting = stupid arguments over little stuff. Be unfailingly polite and practice radio silence where possible. Otherwise I'd have met her at the door with a tape recorder slung round my neck.

**Pharah** · 01-11-2011, 09:46 PM

My ex had already been told via email that she was not welcome at our home and my ex had refused to abide by our wishes. She shows up, without calling, without emailing even though we had made previous arrangements to handle the issue with the photographs. She does as she pleases and my family doesn't need her crap. But anyway, she has not come to the house after I advised her that she was trespassing.

At any rate, I am willing to compromise on this issue with the understand that she ask permission before coming over, either by phone or email. I don't know if this will even be considered an issue as she had been told repeatedly without listening. Same with communication, she says she is not allowed to call here and yet she did so on the 5th to ask where my son's winter hat was. Apparently he had lost it and they had a spare.

**logicalvelocity** · 01-12-2011, 12:07 AM

Trial is not automatic and requires an order. In the meantime, your hands are tied from bringing interlocutory relief without seeking leave. Push for trial to obtain settlement.

**Pharah** · 01-12-2011, 09:39 AM

Any resources on court procedure you can link? I have an information session scheduled at the court next Thursday. thanks

**logicalvelocity** · 01-12-2011, 09:36 PM

Pay particular attention to Analysis and Disposition and ignore the issues.

CanLII - 2007 CanLII 13370 (ON S.C.)

**Pharah** · 01-13-2011, 10:29 AM

Thanks LV. What I get from this is there has to be compelling evidence that the current situation is harmful to my son. My ex's claims that her not given access to our home is detrimental however I only see this as an issue if she chooses to discuss the matter with him, which at this point she has not.

That said, the incident where my ex denied access of my son was indeed in his presents and had negatively affected him. There was no scene or screaming match, however my son clearly wanted to come home as he indicated to my ex's father that he wanted to travel to his home with my spouse to collect his belongings. I realize this is not enough evidence for the judge to make an order of sole custody, however I am concerned that this will continue to happen as her father has indicated that he believes 'the court has no jurisdiction over him'.

Anyway, that is for another thread. I have submitted affidavits from both myself and my spouse regarding this matter as you had recommended, along with my settlement conference brief. I guess I am just lucky that the current arrangement is already joint custody/50-50 access.

Thanks Again.

**logicalvelocity** · 01-14-2011, 09:00 AM

I think I would just document the denial of access without cause as just that. Doesn't look good if there was an order in place promoting the access and focus efforts towards expedited final disposition.

**Pharah** · 01-18-2011, 11:33 AM

IPP: Hope you are reading this thread.....

Settlement Conference was yesterday. Judge decided to ignore all the requests made by my ex in her settlement offer (asking for sole custody) and began creating a final order using the OCL report and my comments from her offer. When my ex questioned it, the Judge stated that if my ex wanted 'I can make a sole custody order for the father today or we can work on settlement'. My ex questioned the Judges reasoning for wanting to give me sole custody and the judge explained that I have been less rigid and the most neutral and that as my neutrality was not being reciprocated, it was concerning to her.

She also advised that if she pushed this to trial, that she would not get sole custody and would be on the hook for costs.

Needless to say, my ex was not happy. The judge spend over an hour going over points with us, making an order on joint custody, shared access 50-50, dual citizenship, and some of the Holiday schedule but didn't have time to provide it in writing. I assume this will be mailed out eventually. Anyway, we have to go back in February to finish up.

**Pharah** · 01-18-2011, 01:02 PM

Quote of the day from the Judge: 'efforts to remain neutral on the part of the father are not being reciprocated and this is concerning'

**KanataKathy** · 01-18-2011, 01:50 PM

Originally posted by Pharah View Post

Quote of the day from the Judge: 'efforts to remain neutral on the part of the father are not being reciprocated and this is concerning'

Well played sir, well played!

**Pharah** · 01-18-2011, 02:32 PM

Thanks. A lot of the reason I am able to remain neutral is because of all of you and the advise that you have given me in the past. With any luck, this will be over in February.

**karmaseeker** · 03-17-2011, 08:22 PM

I wish there was a like button. This gives me hope!

**Pharah** · 03-17-2011, 09:34 PM

Karmaseeker: One February 10th, the Judge that handled our settlement conference ruled on custody and access even though my ex was still insisting on sole custody.

The Judge ruled in a final order with consent (funny cause I know my ex did not consent - but the judge threatened to give me sole custody) that my ex and I share custody of my 7 year old son, joint custody with 50-50 access using a parallel parenting model. My ex having final say on any major medical and dental needs and I have final say on education.

Over the past 2 years, I have tried my best to remain neutral, providing a e-journal, and I was able to prove that my ex and her family intended to harm my relationship with my son, call CAS and talking negatively about me to my 7-year old.

If you are in a similar situation, you need to be able to prove that you are communicating, even if it is only you emailing her. Document all interaction, be neutral and child focused.

Good Luck.

**tugofwar** · 03-17-2011, 09:54 PM

Pharah, looks like your hard work paid off! Good to hear things went in your favor! Best of luck!

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