EN ROUTE toward Motion #1

[mafia007]

Will it ever happen? After our CC from last November 2015, I've been waiting for this as all decisions have only been made temporary. Nothing as yet to be settled and were still on the first step... but over 25K of legal fees spend on each side. The winner is... The Legal System Team. The losers are... unfortunately the children.

Summary of my situation;

A- 15 years of marriage
B- 3 kids (S16, D14 and D8)
C- Valuation date ; October 2014
D- Ex still at home with children (temporary exclusive possession of the matrimonial house)
E- I have a new home and live with my GF trying to get a new life (but this is hard because my ex won't 'untie our relation' by holding on every issues.
F- Almost 3 months without seeing my kids
G- Mediation in June 2015 - garbage due to incompetency of the mediator (SG - Family Law Advocate)
H- Access to my children for a period of 5 weeks
I- I refuse to sign the agreement from the mediation as it was biased and falsely manipulated by the STBX lawyer - I was leaving with nothing and custody was to be discussed later ... WTF?
J- Access terminated by STBX - Reason; DV during 15 years and scare for her safety (real reason; I refused to signed the biased agreement)
K- Fired my lawyer - wasn't following my directions and hired a new one.
L- CC in November 2015; CS based on my invalidity salary and access granted for 2 hours per week at a supervised centre.... deeeeeeee never happen as they are crowded with applicants. (There is a simple pattern; when a couple decides to end their relationship, the women will seek for $$$ and safety by alleging DV. Consequences; She gets to stay in the home with the kids creating that false Status Quo and collecting full table amount of CS. By the time you get to Court - 3 months, Court will grant you supervised visits - 3 to 5 months, and the scum STBX is creating a permanent Status Quo.
M- Over 7 months without seeing my children (Remark: to the eyes of the Family Law, this is nothing for the fathers. According to them, the man has no emotions and being apart from their children cause no harm
N- Motion #1 in February 2016 adjourned
O- Criminal case dismissed
Q- Motion #1 in March adjourned by STBX for illness (Wrong - she fired her lawyer (for the second time) and got another one (a third one)) Lying, liars, lawyer...
R- Negotiations; will accept to adjourn only if access is granted - Access established every Thursday 4hpm to 7hpm and every second Saturday from 10ham to 8hpm. Motion #1 end of May 2016.
S- STBX new lawyer confirmed 3 time he will proceed in English but we will continue in French.
T- Motion #1 adjourned because STBX lawyer has another trial (scum liar lawyer... They were not ready to attend... he is completely lost with the case and has no clue of the historical.
U- Motion #1 adjourned in one month. I challenge the adjournment to seek for Fathers' Day and to show that they had confirmed 3 times for attending.
V- The other party consent for Fathers' Day from Noon to 8PM (STBX thinks that it is important for the kids to be with her dad on that day... but he is the Grandpa not the Dad... So she can go and spend the day with her dad and the kids will spend the day with me!
W- Motion #1 rescheduled for next week in June.

So there it is; was served today to the other party
-General Affidavit from February
- Supplementary affidavit from February
- Supplementary affidavit from May
- Form 20 requesting to disclosed all remaining financial issues in 10 days or will seek it at a motion with costs

I hope I will gain more access with my children. Really this is a shame having to spend a lot of money in order to reinstate a good relation I had with them. A shame to the Legal System as I use to spend most of my time at home with them when I wasn't at work. Shame on the STBX maneuver of the system.

[mafia007]

The issues being addressed;

For STBX
- CS
-SS

For me
-parenting time
- sell of the matrimonial home
- financial disclosure of remaining items

3 things I'm looking forward to go on with my life...

1- Shared 50/50 custody
2- my equity
3- my DIVORCE

[mafia007]

Just received STBX affidavit. All crap as usual.

Saying that kids doesn't want to spend more time at dad's and want to keep the schedule in place. Also saying that dad keeps talking about the Court Case to the kids and that I am showing the Court documents to them... Bla Bla Bla.... irrelevant.

I am replying with what the kids have been reporting. The thing is, I don't need to question them... they just talk. On the other end, when they return to their mom... they have to face an hour of questioning to their mother and her father.

We were not supposed to report what the kids were saying but since she did it first, my lawyer said it was better to give our side of the story because the judge will be looking at her side now that it was served. The OCL has refused to get involved but maybe now, they will step in. Not that I want to based on what people are saying here on the ODF.

[arabian]

I think you should consider your response carefully.

I would not be inclined to stoop to your ex's level but rather take the approach of driving home the point that you have done many things to ensure best interests of children are foremost in your day-to-day parenting:

Parenting after Separation course (hopefully you have attended one... if so you could reiterate that you learned that parents should not involve their children in adult discussions revolving around your dispute).

Promoting Children's Self-Esteem You could outline your view on importance on reassurance that both parents love them...

Respect for Other Parent A worthy goal for both of you to strive for. Maybe make suggestions on how you think this can be achieved going forward?

I'd try to take the "high road" and show by penning a response which is truly child-focused. Don't fall into the trap of playing the "he said she said" game.

Reiterate your position that finances are separate from custody

[Links17]

Women like your ex don't care 2 craps about the kids. Just ignore her, she just wants the money that comes with the kids. Just proceed, in trial, calmly prove your points and get your kids back and stop the financial bleeding.

This all takes time, and you are bleeding while she is chilling but once its over , you'll be fine. The key thing is not to settle on what you don't agree, no matter. Even if you have to live in a homeless shelter... A few months of pain for a lifetime of benefit...

[stripes]

I think you should consider your response carefully.

I would not be inclined to stoop to your ex's level but rather take the approach of driving home the point that you have done many things to ensure best interests of children are foremost in your day-to-day parenting:

Parenting after Separation course (hopefully you have attended one... if so you could reiterate that you learned that parents should not involve their children in adult discussions revolving around your dispute).

Promoting Children's Self-Esteem You could outline your view on importance on reassurance that both parents love them...

Respect for Other Parent A worthy goal for both of you to strive for. Maybe make suggestions on how you think this can be achieved going forward?

I'd try to take the "high road" and show by penning a response which is truly child-focused. Don't fall into the trap of playing the "he said she said" game.

Reiterate your position that finances are separate from custody

^^^ This is very good advice. From your posts, you come across as someone with very high levels of anger and hostility towards your ex, which will not serve you well in court (especially as I believe you were facing criminal charges in connection with statements about wanting to kill her, and have also refused mediation?). Remember that your kids deserve to have both their parents in their lives, no matter how much you may dislike your ex, and show that you are willing to work with your ex to create this outcome for your kids. Otherwise, all the court will see is two angry and squabbling ex-spouses.

[mafia007]

I think you should consider your response carefully.

I 've thought before giving my version and it's all based on the best interests of the children.

I would not be inclined to stoop to your ex's level but rather take the approach of driving home the point that you have done many things to ensure best interests of children are foremost in your day-to-day parenting:

Parenting after Separation course (hopefully you have attended one... if so you could reiterate that you learned that parents should not involve their children in adult discussions revolving around your dispute).

Hard to find some good one in my region and first language. So I read, read and read... Now I'm into reading Conflict Resolution and Dispute with the ex spouse. Very good stuff.

Promoting Children's Self-Esteem You could outline your view on importance on reassurance that both parents love them...

I did talked to my kids several times concerning this. Since the very beginning I've been reassuring them that both parents still love them and will always do. It's just mom and dad doesn't get along anymore so things might change a bit. Or a big bit. I always try to compare with some other friends they have with separate parents and how they operate. I put a lot of emphasis that as long as children see each parent , things should go well normally.

Respect for Other Parent A worthy goal for both of you to strive for. Maybe make suggestions on how you think this can be achieved going forward?

I'd try to take the "high road" and show by penning a response which is truly child-focused. Don't fall into the trap of playing the "he said she said" game.

Reiterate your position that finances are separate from custody

Not falling into it. I have a plan and she doesn't. I keep moving on with suggestions to move forward. She keeps the case in the past. It sucks but there is nothing else I can do but waiting. Waiting for my children... waiting for my share... waiting to be free! I remember how long it was just for planning our wedding day. If only I would have known... I've would have started to plan the divorce the very next day. It's longer when you are not prepared.

[mafia007]

Women like your ex don't care 2 craps about the kids. Just ignore her, she just wants the money that comes with the kids. Just proceed, in trial, calmly prove your points and get your kids back and stop the financial bleeding.

This all takes time, and you are bleeding while she is chilling but once its over , you'll be fine. The key thing is not to settle on what you don't agree, no matter. Even if you have to live in a homeless shelter... A few months of pain for a lifetime of benefit...

I think I have done everything and gave everything to this point. Nothing would serve me to dig further to find other things because it would be pointless. So basically, I'm waiting for trial. You said it... she only thinks of the kids because it means money for her. She is accustomed to a lifestyle she wants to keep and will do everything to maintain this lifestyle.

That's a bit of the rub in our situation. I have already started my new life with a new girlfriend and I have my new home. I think she does not digest that I am happy in my new relationship and the children get along well with family members of my gf. Until she stop to monitor me, this will not change. She needs to find a new mate and move on with her life.

[mafia007]

^^^ This is very good advice. From your posts, you come across as someone with very high levels of anger and hostility towards your ex, which will not serve you well in court (especially as I believe you were facing criminal charges in connection with statements about wanting to kill her, and have also refused mediation?). Remember that your kids deserve to have both their parents in their lives, no matter how much you may dislike your ex, and show that you are willing to work with your ex to create this outcome for your kids. Otherwise, all the court will see is two angry and squabbling ex-spouses.

Don't worry stripes, I keep my anger just here on ODF as it's the only place where I can express my feeling. Remember the wall have ears, especially at work.

We had mediation but it didn't work. Mediation can only succeed when both people are ready to negotiate and make compromises. My STBX cannot do that. She ask and she wants. Her last offer was that she wanted the house, half my pension, SS, CS based on a salary that I never made (I'm not self-employed and I provided T4's and NOA... so what is the joke here... waste of time) and of course, she wants the children for her all along. So I don't really have a choice but to go before the judge but only this is taken way too much time.

I'm ready to work with her to make this work for the kids but she doesn't. That's the tactic. She is showing no cooperation so she can get full custody of the kids. I have a parental plan and she does not. In her affidavits, she keeps on pointing that she was abused and I wasn't very much involved in my children's life. In mine, I am showing what we did during our 15 years of relation together for the sake of our kids and I have supporting documentation to prove all this. Basically, she's only reporting the bad and nothing to show that she is willing to move forward and how she plans to do it. Nothing.

[Tayken]

Don't worry stripes, I keep my anger just here on ODF as it's the only place where I can express my feeling. Remember the wall have ears, especially at work.

I doubt this. People who are willing to share their personal troubles on message boards general share in a wider audience. I would really seriously consider Arabian and Stripes recommendations. You come off very terse at times. You really need to do some litigation refining before you go on a stand.

Hopefully your lawyer does a mock trial with you and cross examines you so you get some practice.

[mafia007]

It shouldn't be that long!

I doubt this. People who are willing to share their personal troubles on message boards general share in a wider audience. I would really seriously consider Arabian and Stripes recommendations. You come off very terse at times. You really need to do some litigation refining before you go on a stand.

Hopefully your lawyer does a mock trial with you and cross examines you so you get some practice.

By the way, the first time I appeared before the judge, my lawyer congratulated me for my exemplary behavior . The other party was yelling, swearing and crying at all issues.

Again, maybe it's because I'm truthful, honest and have nothing to hide. A lot of people here on ODF only share the good behaviour they had in their separation but do not touch a word on what they have done wrong. Being said, it is harder to provide better advice or to get the proper advice as the community don't have the true story and/or the whole story. For those who have passed through this perilous path and now admit never having had a grudge against their ex ... I'll yell " bu****it " because you're not telling the truth. We are all human , and in the midst of war , it is difficult to take everything lightly. Especially when you present concessions that are constantly ignored.

Remember that I went very open with my case by sharing my "real story". This way, if someone else faces the same in the future, my threads will be a good reference for their case as well. Also to make it clear, not only I get tired of my STBX not being cooperative in resolving our issues, but I am also tired of this legal process. As stated in my title; It shouldn't be that long!" They make it long only to dig more in your pocket. I'm not only talking about my case but went to see several others (abusedad, lovingfather32, plainnamedad44, Links17, etc...) and it does not matter if DV did happened or not. As long as it was brought, fathers are doomed for the next 2-3 years.

For some fathers it does not make a difference as they have probably not spend a lot of time with their children. But for me, being everyday with
them and falling suddenly to 5% of parenting with no decision to take... really it's a pitfall. This past Saturday, I had to force my D8 to get moving as I didn't want to be late to bring her back to her mom. She was crying she wanted to stay for the night. Then she got into her makeup things and I had to put everything away. She got angry at me and the best I could do was to explain to her that eventually, she will get to stay but we are not there yet. You see, I didn't have to rush my time when I use to be with my kids and now, that's all I'm doing. RUSH, RUsh, Rush!. Why? Because of my STBX? ...no because of the system. The Family Law is primary the #1 responsible for breaking the tides between the parent and the child. Oh, and I was over 5 minutes late to bring back my kids to their mom.

Now, to reiterate what I have already mentioned, I have nothing more to do, nothing else to prove. I gave everything to the Court and to the other party and I only have to wait... wait and wait. All my requests for custody and parenting have been filed. If there is an adjournment, nothing I can do but wait. There was three adjournments since March where I could have gain more parenting time but there is nothing I can do but just wait. For how long will I have to face this continuous play? I get it. I'll try to follow your advice and take it with a big .

This week, when I'll show up at Court, I'll make sure I still have that smile in my face to show the other party that I keep on moving forward.

[mafia007]

Oh one last thing to add.

Peace will surely come a day between the parties but only in a few years when the dispute will be further behind.

This is especially true for the vast majority of the odf community.

[arabian]

yeah well... that didn't happen in my case. My divorce was arbitrated 9 months after I filed for divorce in 2009. My ex has keep me in court ever since that time although it is now 1 x yearly. As long as one party has the financial means to keep litigating it can go on and on and one....

Hope no one ever has to endure what I have gone through for the past 6 years. Hard to get closure and move on although I'm doing my best.

[Links17]

Peace is over-rated, perpetual warfare has its uses... unless of course the ex wants to reimburse me all the alimony, child support and public acknowledge she cheated with my close friend and I wasn't abusive or bad in anyway, then we can have peace...

Peace without reparations is forfeiture after the fact.,..

[LovingFather32]

Mafia, in your initial thread you wrote:

I met someone in February (the 14th) and once she knew, she became worst. S15 was spending more time with me and she hated it. I had an Easter breakfast with my kids and my new friend and family. She was furious. After Easter, I came home early to find her packing stuff with my kids, her uncle and two aunts. It was past 9h30pm and the kids had school the following day. She took my computer away and some other stuff. Call the police who told me to fix this with my lawyer. My friend told me to take my clothes and go at her place for the night. One of her aunt called the police and... they came. In front of the cops, I told her not to change the locks, as I will still come home to take care of the children. The next Friday, the locks were changed.

Do you have proof of the above?

Tayken has very good threads that assisted me greatly. One such thread stated things like:

The honourable justice goes on further to state (my emphasis added on this one):

Quote:
[13] Allegations of abuse may be a symptom of the failure of a relationship. Blame is an inherent part of the allegation. Sometimes it is wholly warranted; other times it is not. When parties are not communicating, any slight or criticism is magnified. There is a tendency to minimize the other spouse’s good qualities and maximize the bad. Warring spouses are rarely in a position to step back and evaluate the other’s behaviour with objective eyes. Nor are they able to critically assess their own behaviour...

Read this thread carefully .. judges in my case were influenced by it's content.
http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...ase-law-16809/

You met someone --->your ex left when she found out and unilaterally halted your parenting time. This will be a significant part of your case.

Sounds like .. you shared primary parent responsibilities. (Rack up your evidence).

Yea you sound pissed off. So did I when I first came on. Good reason for it .. I WAS .. and you are. Keep your patience in check, no vilifying your ex .. let her do all that. Judges see right through it.

I forget .. you have a record? Ever any DV, child abuse, drug charges? Has she ever accused you of anything before?

Stripes wrote:

From your posts, you come across as someone with very high levels of anger and hostility towards your ex, which will not serve you well in court (especially as I believe you were facing criminal charges in connection with statements about wanting to kill her, and have also refused mediation?)

I get that you stood beside the water cooler at work and mumbled some dumb crap .. honestly who doesn't? I heard a female colleague just say the other day "If she wears the same dress as me I'll strangle her". Should we send to the warrant? Sometimes I say "I'd kill for some ice cream right now". Should I be sent to death row? Yep, death threats are serious .. but I kind of see what happened there, and so will the judge. Stop saying dumb stuff, no room for error now pal.

Right now your heart's typing .. another human being saw that you met somebody and left that same day she found out. WD's life became very tough when ex found out he met someone also.

You'll have to ride the wave on this one. Take your coat off and stay awhile. Read all my threads from the beginning .. it'll take you through everything. I felt what you're feeling .. it's bloody horrendous to have your kids taken away for no good reason. We get jay walking tickets and speeding tickets but abduction is allowed as a status quo strategy even in the absence of any proof. I know what it feels like to have your rights trampled on .. knowing your kids are somewhere missing you.... it's a disgusting feeling. One that nobody will ever understand unless they've been through it.

I wouldn't be sitting around waiting for trial twiddling my thumbs .. get your S*&t together...your FLR's/CLRA/Caselaw/Factms/Quality exhibits.

Get used to the feeling of being beaten down. The game is to wear you down until you fold. Dont fold.

LF32