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  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Parenting Issues

Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 11-19-2014, 01:05 PM
locoabreu locoabreu is offline
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Unhappy child access


Hi ,
I have a baby, he is 3 months.
The mother does not let me take the baby.I can only see the baby at her dad's house.
What are the steps I could take to be able to spend time with the baby at my place?
Cheers,
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  #2  
Old 11-19-2014, 01:55 PM
Straittohell Straittohell is offline
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Sorry to hear about this.

What are her reasons for denying you access?
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Old 11-19-2014, 02:14 PM
locoabreu locoabreu is offline
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Thanks Straittohell.

She says the baby is too small.
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Old 11-19-2014, 02:19 PM
Pursuinghappiness Pursuinghappiness is offline
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Are you divorcing? Are you represented by a lawyer? Do you have a request for access/custody in process?
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Old 11-19-2014, 02:29 PM
Straittohell Straittohell is offline
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So, you guys have no issue of abuse, you have no criminal record or violent history?

Sorry to ask, just trying to figure out if there is anything else in your background that would be relevant. I'm not making any assumptions about you.

If the answer is "no", then she really has no right to deny access based on the size/age of the baby. In fact, you are legally entitled to take the baby for overnight, and if you want to eventually work up to a 50/50 custody regimen, there is no reason why shouldn't.

Unless she has specific concerns about your character, the age of the baby is irrelevant. Dads are just as capable of nurturing and caring for baby's as moms are.

Your next steps would be to tell her, in writing, that you do not agree with her withholding access, and that you will be taking her to court if she does not cease her gatekeeping behaviour. You will need to ask frequently, and document every refusal. You will need to talk to a lawyer if this does not work.

You need to propose a parenting and access plan to her and prove that you're not just looking to visit, but to parent. You will need to ask yourself what kind of custody you want NOW, but also what custody you envision having as the child is over.

Be very careful to document everything. Be very careful not to let this become a status quo. And, watch out for her to call CAS and accuse you of being unfit. That is a favourite tactic of a lot of parents who act as gatekeepers and deny access.
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Old 11-19-2014, 02:34 PM
locoabreu locoabreu is offline
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I'm not divorcing.It was an accident.
I have contacted a lawyer, he said the only thing I can do is to go to court.
He said it would cost $25000.
Is that my only option?
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Old 11-19-2014, 02:55 PM
Straittohell Straittohell is offline
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Well, the cost is an estimate. You can technically self-rep, but it can be hard.

You can try as I suggested, which is advise the mom that you intend to go to court, but would rather that you both spend your money on the child instead.

You need to take the time to first figure out exactly what you want, and whether or not the baby's mother is doing this in the short-term, or if she plans to exclude you like this for the rest of the baby's childhood.

Are you currently paying child support?
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Old 11-19-2014, 03:47 PM
locoabreu locoabreu is offline
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I have no background issues.
She is mad because I left her that is all.
I proposed het to go to mediation, but she does not want it.
She is asking for child support. I'm not paying child support at the moment.
I buy the stuffs the boy need. I just want to have my access rights, that is all.
But it seems difficult. I think the only solution is going to the court.
I do not have another option as far as I know.
Thanks
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  #9  
Old 11-19-2014, 03:52 PM
Straittohell Straittohell is offline
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Keep in mind that if you go to court, it's going to look bad if you're not paying child support.

As much as it sucks, paying child support doesn't guarantee your access, but not-paying child support makes you look bad. Not fair, but it is true.

Take the time to read through the other threads on this site that have piled up on this subject over the years. You can learn a lot from it.

If you are passionate about being a dad, then you will have go to court, and it will be worth every dime. It is unfortunate that she is forcing you to to this.

Again, you need to make sure that you now what you are asking for when you enter that process, though. Keep in mind that your lawyer saying it will cost $25,000 is a quote only. You should shop around. Also, if there are no background issues, there will be less grounds for her to contest the matter, which means less costs.
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Old 11-19-2014, 04:33 PM
DowntroddenDad DowntroddenDad is offline
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My recommendation:

Make a reasonable offer to settle on Child Support and Access.

You can get an estimate on Child support from mysupportcalculator.ca

Propose an access schedule you can live with.

Look up offers to settle here and you can probably find some templates.

That will show her you are serious.
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