Advice on Settling Issues re Access

[mattine]

Have read and have tons of articles on shared parenting e.g. Kruk. Who would you present that to? Because she isn't interested. She has said she has read otherwise.

[mattine]

We do have documentation on alienation - two cases are in an affidavit. One whereby she refused for me to pick up her daughter and one whereby she refused my partners mother (his daughters grandmother) to pick up their daughter. She happened in front of the child.

He has not accepted status quo as he has been pushing for more time since beginning and this is evident in his original motions to court, in his offer to settle etc. She recently agreed to more time - and this is all on schedules/calendars signed by her - which I think will come back to bite her.

She is very insecure about her relationship with her daughter and I know she fears her getting to close to us. However, I am a mother of a child of separation and he loves his parents equally and always will - we are his parents and that will always be.

[mattine]

it all boils down to maturity, fears, worries and anxieties. Many parents are not able to see their children as unique persons. They see them as chattels (possessions). This is demonstrated best by parents who write divorce diararies that reference "my children" and affidavit materials that reference "my children".

They see children as property and not human beings. They lack the maturity to see beyond their own anxieties, needs, wants and desires and try to eliminate the other parent.

To be a successful co-parent/joint parent/shared parent you have to love your children more than you dislike/hate/loath the other parent. Until a parent is able to rationalize their emotions into relevant facts they will see their children as their property.

Judges see right through this though. Write an affidavit that says "my children" in it and see what a superior court justice says to you and your solicitor these days.

"our children" not "my children" or "the children".

It is always amazing to read about how much someone loves their children but, goes on motion requesting supervised access, sole custody and all sorts of outrageous requests... It only demonstrates their inability to love their children more than they dislike/hate/loath the other parent.

Good luck!
Tayken

agree with all of above!!

[mattine]

He will never be able to change her point of view, EVER. All he can do is anything and everything for the child.

She is using intimidation to scare him. "most fathers don't get that much time" is untrue, as there are many equal parenting or sole custody fathers out there. Tell her that by taking time away from him SHE is jepordizing the childs relationship with the father.

Do some research and find articles supporting equal parenting and why it is so important for a father to be highly involved especially with a daughter.

If it goes to court she will have to prove why you shouldn't be with your child. No judge would reduce or put in place restrictions like she is threatening without reason (aka dad is a drunk, arrested, child abuse, etc).

Document everything, and decide as a father what he wants for the child. If equal parenting from two sepreate homes is desired, start now and build on that.

One way to spend more time with the child is to work nights if she works days. Buy a home in the same school district so the child can walk to and from his home.

Prepare for the long hall, as it will take just that.

He does work shift. 2 days, 2 nights, 4 off. Its an awesome schedule for children. Generally, he has 2 half days off (noon to 6) and 4 days off. BUT - she hates it. She says she liked when he worked days (which is BS because she argued everything about that also)...because 1) the schedule could be set (i.e. every other weekend and that he had their daughter Wed 4 to 8 - as this is her sports night) NOW - she doesn't know when she has her daughter...I say - look at the damn calendar. We have three children and she has one - and we seem to manage schedules just fine. Its called a highlighter and a calendar and 2) That she is bouncing around too much. BS...she usually stays here 2 days/nights than goes back to moms for 3 to 5 days, than repeat. What is bouncing is going from school to moms to dads back to moms in a 4 hour visit.

QUESTION: Anyone have experience in dealing with 4d 12hr shifts/ 4d off??? Would a judge argue that it isn't consistent in that it isnt that the dad has the daughter lets say Thur to Sun one week, and Tues to Thurs the next. The way they have worked it the past 3 months is set a schedule for 3 months based on his work schedule and hers and school etc - with a minimal standard of x days and nights for dad.

[mattine]

It all boils down to maturity, fears, worries and anxieties. Many parents are not able to see their children as unique persons. They see them as chattels (possessions).
Tayken

She told me herself one day with full sincerity like it was ok to say and provides an excuse for her ridiculous behaviour....that she is a possessive person, and that she possesses all her belongings including her dogs and has an obsessiveness compulsive tendency... I just looked at her in awe...like you are seriously saying this??

[Canadaguy]

QUESTION: Anyone have experience in dealing with 4d 12hr shifts/ 4d off??? Would a judge argue that it isn't consistent in that it isnt that the dad has the daughter lets say Thur to Sun one week, and Tues to Thurs the next. The way they have worked it the past 3 months is set a schedule for 3 months based on his work schedule and hers and school etc - with a minimal standard of x days and nights for dad.[/QUOTE]


What is her schedule? Again, don't listen to the BS. Decide what works best for the child in your mind, find factual evidence that supports it and persent it to her, mediation, arbatration, court. If equal parents is what you desire, step up and go for it and don't hold back! At the end of the day the judge will listen to the argument that is factual, better prepared and in the childs best interest. Being with dad on his 4 days off is better then having a stranger daycare the child because it is moms time.