Gifts, Toys and Clothing between Residences

[cdnfamilyguy]

Hi: I am wondering if there is anything known in Family Law that allows one parent to prohibit the Child from bringing gifts, toys, clothing or anything important to the Child with them between residences?

The Respondent in my matter refuses our Child from bringing things that belong to him to into her home. This is not just once or twice, but consistently.

It seems unreasonable and I argue is a form of alienation as it discounts the things he has because he cannot bring it to his mom's.

Doesn't seem right, but is there something in the Law that prohibits this kind of thing?

Thanks.

[Beachnana]

I doubt it. I know in our situation Dad refuses to send any gifts given to S3 home with him. Which is sad, as he gets them but then does not get to play with them.

Its not a big deal if the child sees each parents on a frequent basis because he would have his favouirtes in both homes, which makes him secure in both homes, but in our case child has only seen Dad 8 days this year. So the gifts and clothes are Useless.

But you cannot fix stupid and that is what she is. As the child gets older he will figure it out and make his own decisions About each parents behaviour.

[blinkandimgone]

What is the parenting arrangements and what does your agreement say in regards to this?

[cdnfamilyguy]

It doesn't say anything. Our Final Order was done in the Lobby of the Courthouse on the day of our Trial and even though it was an ongoing issue that I wanted to bring up during trial, I did not think of it at the time we were rushed at putting together something. So it never got addressed at trial as there never was one. I am filing a Motion to Change, but as I'm preparing the documents it asks me to cite laws or rules. Thanks!

[Berner_Faith]

Each parent is allowed to decide what they want in their house and what they don't. We have a general rule here that what is received while with us stays with us, meaning we don't send it to the other parents house, however occasionally the children have wanted to take something to the other parents house and of course this is allowed.

It does not go both ways however, as they are not allowed to bring items to our house (according to the other parent). We use to allow things to flow freely, however it got to the point where the other parent would keep all the nice clothes we would purchase at their place and the children would come to us in clothes that were too small. So we started keeping the items at our place.

I don't think there is any law, because one is allowed to decide what they want in their home and what they don't.

[stripes]

This is extremely common - so common that if there were a legal rule concerning the movement of clothes and toys between residences, you'd see it cited all over the place.

If your ex wants to be a jerk and say that your kid can't bring items from one parent's house to the other's, I don't think there's much you can do about it. If these items were necessary for the child's health (like medical equipment), you might be able to get an order, but if we're talking about toys or games, I doubt that this would be considered a major issue - more like a parenting difference. Adults do have the right to control what goes into or comes out of their residences. I wouldn't waste court time or money on this one. It sucks for the kid, but there are more important issues

[cdnfamilyguy]

I see the issue as these are items belonging to the Child, not either parent. If the Child wants to bring their own personal property to and from each residence, why shouldn't they be able to? This cannot be right.

[stripes]

No, it's not right, but there's not much you can do about it. People are very different when it comes to how we regard our children's possessions. My ex doesn't want Kid to bring anything from his place to mine (his rationale is that the things she has received at his place are gifts from him and are part of his household, not mine). My view is that the things she receives are my place are her possessions, and if she wants to take stuffed animals, books, toys, whatever, back and forth to her dad's place, that's fine. (If she completely emptied her room at my place of every item and took it all to her father's, I'd have something to say about it, but I have no problems with clothes and other things going back and forth).

Technically, if the child is a minor s/he doesn't have property rights.

[good_mom]

If its a simple toy, that easy it goes back and forth but I get the impression we are talking about let say an IPOD, tablet or cell phone.

Something that the other parent use as a way to contact child.

Can you clearify the item in question?

[cdnfamilyguy]

Sure!

We are talking about everything from a simple toy, like a game of Perfection he wanted to bring to his mom's just the other day (December 27 to be exact). She refused saying to him that we just got all new stuff, discounting his feelings.

Also, yes, an iPod. It is loaded with games and applications specific for his age and he is already playing in his classroom at school on an iPad. There is no way to communicate with me using his iPod as I do not even own a cell phone, but that is not why I purchased it for him. She told me that it was inappropriate, despite allowing him to play with her smart phone.

It is literally anything. And it affects our son and his feelings.

Thanks again.

[Beachnana]

Its also age related. When children are young its up to the parents to remember to have things returned with the child. When the child is older they can remember their own stuff.

The last 2 times Mom sent child 3 with Dad he forgot all the things child brought with him. Its the way things are. Its petty. But you cannot do much about it at that age. This time she has sent child with a list so we will see how that works out.

[HammerDad]

Technically, if the child is a minor s/he doesn't have property rights.

This. ^^^

There is, to my knowledge, no law that requires a parent/guardian to allow items that "belong" to the child to travel with the child. Further, even if there was, it would likely cost you significantly more in legal fees than it would cost to buy the items in question. And should you get this in front of a judge, the judge would likely give a slap on the wrist to the offending parent, and admonish both of you for wasting the courts time.

The only things that are supposed to travel with the child are clothes and needs of the child paid for under the C/S scheme.

As a C/S payor, I am not obligated to send anything to my ex's place. My ex, as C/S recipient, is obligated to send clothes and things that I otherwise assist in paying for (outfits for our D's extracurricular activities that we split). My ex is friendly, and even she doesn't like sending much to my place. I take the position that the items are my kids and she can do what she wants, subject to input from me.

But no, if your ex picked up a cool new toy for his house (like an xBox/iPad/remote control car or something), he isn't obligated to send it to your place so the child can play with it there. You pay for your families entertainment in your house, he pays for his families entertainment in his.

[Beachnana]

But this is not about who pays for what this is a put the child wanting to bring things. Parents need to make sure that the child feels happy and comfortable ao if that means bringing favourite and new things to other parents house then each parent should respect the child and make sure they allow it and also make sure it is returned.

Unfortunately that is the last thing that is considered.

[HammerDad]

But this is not about who pays for what this is a put the child wanting to bring things. Parents need to make sure that the child feels happy and comfortable ao if that means bringing favourite and new things to other parents house then each parent should respect the child and make sure they allow it and also make sure it is returned.

Unfortunately that is the last thing that is considered.

I agree to a point. But if I buy my kid an xBox One for Christmas, I for sure won't be unhooking it every time my child goes to my ex's. It is simply unreasonable.

Same goes for an iPad, especially if I put a data package on it. As I want to ensure I monitor it and they don't rack up a ton of bandwidth simply because the ex has no clue about the plan and no inclination to care as they don't pay the bill.

My D9 has a collection of nearly 100 Monster High dolls and play sets. There is no way I would let her bring all those over to the ex's place. 3-4? Yeah, no problem. Hell, my ex would flip if I let my kid bring all her dolls over, which my daughter has asked to do in the past.

There are very reasonable reasons why one may say "no" to the child bringing stuff back and forth and it isn't alienation. If this is simply an issue that the child likes the toys better at the ex's house, then do what you can even the playing field.

[blinkandimgone]

I see the issue as these are items belonging to the Child, not either parent. If the Child wants to bring their own personal property to and from each residence, why shouldn't they be able to? This cannot be right.

Small items should go back and forth between homes, if the parents are not jerk and return the items. But when one parent allows it and the other doesn't and things also don't get returned, it is understandable that it would not be allowed.

One parent should not be constantly having to rebuy the same item for their home just to have it disappear to the other parent's home and never seen again.

It is impractical for everything to go back and forth, such as computers, bikes etc and the children should have these types of item at each home.

Yes, it sucks that some parents are jerks and don't allow it, but if you want your child to have a particular item at your home that is really that big of a deal for the child then simply go buy one for your place. Then the kids don't need to worry about not having it or remembering what belongs at each house and bringing it back.

Recently had a friend whose ex had the kids asking if he was selling his Xbox out of the blue, turns out the ex wanted the kids to bring the Xbox and all the games etc to her place so she wouldn't have to buy one. Same with the Nintendo DS, he bought them for the kids but the first thing she asks atbthe door at pickup is if the kids have their DS with them, but she will email incessantly about a pair of underwear one of the kids may not have brought back to her place while refusing to return any of the things dad bought for the kids. Dad can't afford to keep replacing things at his home so now the policy is things he buys stay at his place, and when mom asks the kids to bring them to her place he just reminds them that they can ask mom for one for her place if she wants one there as he simply isn't in a position to buy one for each home.

It's these kinds of parents that add unnecessary stress for the kids, but you can't change them so you work with what you've got and find a way around it.