16 Days without seeing the children/hearing from the children

[baldclub]

So I haven't seen my kids or heard from them in 16 days now. No replies to my emails about a schedule and in fact, the court quickly dismissed my motion to get a schedule in end June based on the statement from my ex that there is a temporary order in place. Unfortunately the judge would not look to see that such schedule is actually for 2011 and cannot apply for 2012. But I got shooshed (told to shut up)....


Today my ex emails me about whether I was picking them up today or not. Brought my own father in for surgery today to remove a tumor (benign) and have had my own life a little more upside down than usual. I won't be around for my kids all weekend....

So, I'm taking everything pretty much in stride, I have a lot of good stuff in my life to keep me grounded, but I'm honestly just sick of craziness and the system that helps perpetuate my situation.

[OrleansLawyer]

Legal representation would seem prudent in your situation, to assist you in deciding if you need to bring an urgent motion for access.

[Pursuinghappiness]

....based on the statement from my ex that there is a temporary order in place. Unfortunately the judge would not look to see that such schedule is actually for 2011 and cannot apply for 2012.

I'm confused by this statement.

The temporary or interim order should apply until there is a new one. Are you complying with visitation per the existing agreement? Is there an end-date specified for the existing order?

Today my ex emails me about whether I was picking them up today or not. Brought my own father in for surgery today to remove a tumor (benign) and have had my own life a little more upside down than usual. I won't be around for my kids all weekend....

I'm not trying to be harsh here...my sympathies for you and your dad and best wishes that he gets well soon...but being a parent means juggling a lot of things....you should still exercise whatever visitation you have and if necessary, get a babysitter at your own place for the time you have to be gone for your dad.

My opinion is that you should be complying with the current order regardless of what other life circumstances you have. You can hire a sitter when the kids are in your care. In the event that your ex blocks you access, you should be documenting that.

Never assume parenting access means that you take the kids when its convenient to you. From your post, I'm not sure if you're really having a systematic issue with the family court...or you're not understanding your existing access order and the responsibilities that you have accordingly.

[baldclub]

I'm confused by this statement.

The temporary or interim order should apply until there is a new one. Are you complying with visitation per the existing agreement? Is there an end-date specified for the existing order?

The schedule was not a fixed schedule, weekly or every other weekend or whatever, it was based on my ex's work schedule only, which would mean maybe she would have them two weekends in a row, maybe not. Mid-week access changed depending. The schedule for this reason could only apply to 2011. The schedule was colour coded so in that regards pretty easy to follow, although there was no detailed mention of when access started or ended.

The temporary court order is dated 17 December 2010. I moved back into town for my kids April 1st, the same day I was charged for allegations of domestic abuse 2 years earlier.

My ex came out with another schedule in January 2012, but hasn't even respected that since June hence my need to have it changed.

Never assume parenting access means that you take the kids when its convenient to you. From your post, I'm not sure if you're really having a systematic issue with the family court...or you're not understanding your existing access order and the responsibilities that you have accordingly.

Thanks for the wishes Pursuinghappiness. Let me say categorically I know I have a good grip on what parenting means. I never had kids because it was convenient, that should suffice to say.... that's just insane. I can see from my post that all details of my situation are missing, it was just a rant.

I am having a systematic issue with the family court because I've been within walking distance to the children's school for over 18 months now and such change in circumstances has not led to any sort of improvement in access, although I've had joint custody since day 1. In no way, shape or form have I exercised any joint decision making with my ex unfortunately.

It's been a roller coaster for a long time now. I love my kids and I am sure my ex loves them too, but no one deserves this emotional, financial and psychological ride....especially the children.

[baldclub]

I'm not trying to be harsh here...my sympathies for you and your dad and best wishes that he gets well soon...but being a parent means juggling a lot of things....you should still exercise whatever visitation you have and if necessary, get a babysitter at your own place for the time you have to be gone for your dad.

Not sure I agree with this anymore either. I've been there every time for my kids, but I'm not ready to coparent in this manner anymore. My children know I love them without a doubt, but this ridiculous parental alienation will not see a beginning to its end without a proper police-enforced, court-ordered schedule. I'll be by my father's side this weekend and I've already made myself available for the children soon after, at a more 'convenient' time, yes.

[Tayken]

Legal representation would seem prudent in your situation, to assist you in deciding if you need to bring an urgent motion for access.

I highly suspect that OrleansLawyer is recommending this because you are too emotionally connected to your own file. This is the challenge unrepresented litigants face when bringing a technical issue before the court.

If you were filing a motion for a custody and access change because the dates and times of the previous order were time boxed then your affidavit should have been about that and nothing else related in the matter. It contains the other party from even discussing the other matters at oral arguments on a motion.

You can object to the evidence raised that was not contained in any of the materials filed (affidavits) and are unable to address them. You have to really practice to do this with another person on the other end or in front of a video camera so you can see yourself in the eyes of the justice on the stand.

[baldclub]

I highly suspect that OrleansLawyer is recommending this because you are too emotionally connected to your own file. This is the challenge unrepresented litigants face when bringing a technical issue before the court.

If only this were that clear cut, an emotionally charged presentation interfering with the success of a shared custody motion. I had a lawyer to bring this motion in the past, his incompetence really put a dent on my faith in lawyers. And, I have no money for that kind of thing anymore, nothing. I have learned way more by reading case studies and from tips here than any lawyer I've used (a few that I've talked to). I'm an intelligent and persevering father, shared custody will come.

If you were filing a motion for a custody and access change because the dates and times of the previous order were time boxed then your affidavit should have been about that and nothing else related in the matter. It contains the other party from even discussing the other matters at oral arguments on a motion.

Yeah, unfortunately this didn't work because the OCL has not been ready with her report for a very long time now. Some of my paperwork was a little flawed, not in content from the perspective of a judge and some legal counsels in another court who commended my evidence and wording, but in matters of timing. Someone was trying to help me and when on the phone with court clerks, was given the wrong information.

You have to really practice to do this with another person on the other end or in front of a video camera so you can see yourself in the eyes of the justice on the stand.

This one is a bit tougher. I have a voice disorder and it's kind of rare so many don't really know how to take it at first. There isn't really a lot of patience in allowing someone to take their time to 'warm up' speaking lets just say. Once I get going I can be eloquent but at first I sound like I'm being strangled. What's the saying? It's just part and parcel of life.

[standing on the sidelines]

Not sure I agree with this anymore either. I've been there every time for my kids, but I'm not ready to coparent in this manner anymore. My children know I love them without a doubt, but this ridiculous parental alienation will not see a beginning to its end without a proper police-enforced, court-ordered schedule. I'll be by my father's side this weekend and I've already made myself available for the children soon after, at a more 'convenient' time, yes.

I cant understand something, are you complaining about not seeing your kids for 16 days but when you have a chance to see them its not "convenient" for you so you dont take them????

[baldclub]

Yeah, I guess that is the gist of it, standing on the sidelines .... it's not 'convenient' for me because my dad is having surgery and I won't be in town this weekend for my children. Pretty much sums it up.

I want shared custody and a regular schedule, kids want it, I want it. Only person who doesn't is the mother.

[Tayken]

This one is a bit tougher. I have a voice disorder and it's kind of rare so many don't really know how to take it at first. There isn't really a lot of patience in allowing someone to take their time to 'warm up' speaking lets just say. Once I get going I can be eloquent but at first I sound like I'm being strangled. What's the saying? It's just part and parcel of life.

If diagnosed by a clinician you can request accommodations from the court for disorder in accordance with the Rules of the court. The judge should be advised up front of your disorder (disability). See other threads I have posted to DDOL1 with regards to disabled people and the requirements to meet accommodations in accordance with the Disabilities Act.

[Tayken]

Yeah, I guess that is the gist of it, standing on the sidelines .... it's not 'convenient' for me because my dad is having surgery and I won't be in town this weekend for my children. Pretty much sums it up.

I want shared custody and a regular schedule, kids want it, I want it. Only person who doesn't is the mother.

Did you get OCL report yet?

[baldclub]

If diagnosed by a clinician you can request accommodations from the court for disorder in accordance with the Rules of the court. The judge should be advised up front of your disorder (disability). See other threads I have posted to DDOL1 with regards to disabled people and the requirements to meet accommodations in accordance with the Disabilities Act.

I usually start off by telling the court to bear with me a little as I have a voice disorder. In my experience the judges say 'yes, no problem' but in reality don't give you much of a chance to respond at your own pace. Some have though.

I don't need any special accommodations, I can speak it's just strangled at first. It's called spasmodic dysphonia. Like I said, I am a persevering father.

[Tayken]

I usually start off by telling the court to bear with me a little as I have a voice disorder. In my experience the judges say 'yes, no problem' but in reality don't give you much of a chance to respond at your own pace. Some have though.

I don't need any special accommodations, I can speak it's just strangled at first. It's called spasmodic dysphonia. Like I said, I am a persevering father.

What type of spasmodic dysphonia though? Spasmodic dysphonia has three classifications.

[baldclub]

Did you get OCL report yet?

No Tayken, I haven't. I'm still a bit confused about the whole thing.

Last I heard from the OCL lawyer:

24 June 2012:

" i will be away for the next few weeks. i understand that the judge recommended a settlement conference when i am ready with my position. i will be ready to attend the court settlement conference in late august/early september.

i will meet with the children once more before holding a disclosure meeting (or advising both of you in writing as to my position if a meeting is not suitable) so that both of you will know what i will be telling the judge at the court settlement conference. "

Then 30 July:

"i will be meeting with the children once more in early september. i will then write to both of you with my position for the children. a court date in late september/early october would work. please let me know the date. "

Then 01 August:

"perhaps we can arrange to meet at around 9 a.m. at the courthouse so that i can briefly review with both of you what my position will be in court."

My reply 07 August:

".... , can you please explain why we're doing this an hour before court and whatever happened to the three way meeting you told me about in our meeting? Thanks.

From your email below, dated 30 July, ... you say: "i will be meeting with the children once more in early september. i will then write to both of you with my position for the children". Is that still the case?"

[baldclub]

What type of spasmodic dysphonia though? Spasmodic dysphonia has three classifications.

I don't think the type really matters, the common result is that there is no known cure. It's a mix of adductor and abductor dysphonia. I spent $11,000 going to California in 2006 to see a specialist who figured that he had a solution. It was an expensive step in the right direction, but no cure.

Again, I deal with it, have a fulfilling life, do my job ... just not really at my potential.