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Supervised visitation: Using my Discretion

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  • Supervised visitation: Using my Discretion

    As the named supervisor for my son's and grandson's visitation for the last 8 years, what discretion (if any) do I have regarding the level of supervision? If I feel there is no concern for the health or safety of my grandson, am I permitted to allow them to have time together outside my supervision, such as going to movies, day at the beach, shopping etc? Would this be considered a breach of the access agreement?

  • #2
    I should add the reason for my question is my son (with my knowledge) spent a day this summer at the beach with his son. His mother (the ex) said it was a breach of the access agreement and has restricted my son's visitation to her home, under her supervision.

    Comment


    • #3
      1) Yes, you did breach the supervision order.

      2) No, mother likely cannot unilaterally restrict access based upon her beliefs, she can apply to court to change the terms of access and see if a judge agrees with her.

      3) Mother doesn't have to go to court because you have let her restrict access. You need to go to court to resume access. This would be a contempt motion. Agreement allows for access, she is violating agreement.

      4) 8 years of supervision? Please say you meant "my 8 year old grandson". Is your son a convicted pedophile? How on earth could there be an 8 year supervision order? Did you guys ever try to get the access terms changed?

      Comment


      • #4
        Thank you Janus for your reply. My son has actually not complied with her restricted access yet. Should my son challenge her and demand his access as provided? If he did, would that force her to obtain an order of the court to enforce her restrictions? Would my son be able to continue his access at my home until she obtains such an order? What if she refuses?

        Sadly, it has been 8 years. Actually closer to 9, my grandson will turn 10 this spring. It sounds ridiculous but it is complicated. When they separated my grandson was about 6months old. He was born premature and weighed only 2.5lbs. Because my grandson was so young, my son would bring him to my house for his visitations. One morning while picking up his son, he and his ex got into a pretty nasty verbal altercation. He got an email saying he was being denied his access because she was concerned for their son's safety. It kind of went back and forth and after a month or so, his wife said he could resume access but only under my supervision. It was no big deal because he was coming here anyways and my son was just glad to be able to see his son. By the time he turned 1, my grandson was having some health issues that no one could quite diagnose. His health deteriorated and was quite serious. He was finally diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder which kind of took precedence over access disputes.The story is longer and much more complicated but that is the general drift. And no, my son is not a pedophile or anything even remotely close. He never fit any of the criteria that would suggest supervision was necessary.
        Thankfully my grandson is doing much better and my son is looking to pursue extended weekend, non-supervised visitation (He has only had access 1 day a week).

        I know this all takes time, so I am looking for advice on what my son should do / can do about his access in the meantime.

        Comment


        • #5
          Just wanted to add, over the years my son has always brought his son to my house on his visitation day but has on countless occasions has been without my direct supervision. He takes him to shows, amusement parks, shopping, etc. Often during his visitation I leave to go shopping, visit friends and the like. His ex has always been aware of these comings and goings and has never taken issue.

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          • #6
            Is there a court order that says that your son's parenting time must be supervised?

            If there is not a court order, is there a written agreement?

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            • #7
              There was never a court order up until 2013. In 2012 they agreed to mediation. After 6 months and 3 retainers my son ran out of funds and was unable to complete the process. In January 2013 there was an arbitrated decision which left the supervised access in place with the provision for extended access including weekends to be granted on the completion of a home assessment.

              Arbitrated decision (2013) "5. The Father shall have access on alternating weekends from Friday after school to Sunday at 6pm once a qualified professional chosen by the Father and approved by the Mother has conducted home visits at the Father's home and is satisfied that the Father is able to care for (child) on his own and that the Father's home environment is suitable for (child)."



              Now that my grandson's health has improved my son has tried to arrange with his ex, a mutual agreement allowing over night visitation. She has been non-responsive. I'm sure this is what has prompted her to restrict his access at this time. We are in the process now of obtaining advice on how to move forward with the assessment.
              Last edited by blinkandimgone; 10-29-2018, 12:16 PM. Reason: Removed identifying information

              Comment


              • #8
                He should also look into a motion to change the previous order. Its been well over five years, there are no health issues and hes set a status quo with parenting time.

                Which is the other point, he needs to call it parenting time not access or visitation. He is equal parent to the child and that is his time to parent. Having that word throughout your materials reminds both the ex and the court of this fact.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Also- even if going through the OCL process, it's not a bad idea for your son to start lining his ducks up. What has he done/completed to show he can handle your grandson's medical conditions? Has he taken any parenting courses? I'm guessing there was more to the confrontation than just a verbal altercation...were there charges? Has there been any incidents related to health with your grandson at any visits?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Thank you rockcan & iona for chiming in. If he was to submit a motion to change, would it be just a motion to change the supervision of his 'parenting time' or would the motion also ask for change to extend his time to weekend/overnight? OR should the extended time be done separately by completing his home assessment?

                    My son is totally involved in his son's health care. From consulting with the specialists, to his medications, to feeding him through a feeding tube. There has never been any health emergencies during his visits. He has been unwell with colds and such. Running a fever is a potential health risk for my grandson, which my son has successfully managed on several occasions.

                    My son, although limited, has been parenting for over 9 years. There has never really been any concern or disagreement expressed by his ex in that regard. They are very much on the same page as far as their views on parenting goes.

                    The altercation was just verbal. He has never laid a hand on her (or anybody) and never threatened her. When his ex returned to the house following the argument my son was shaken and upset. He sat in his car and proceeded to grab and shake the steering wheel. He told me he was crying. His ex called CPS and said she felt my son was mentally unstable. CPS spoke with my son. There was never a report filed or any follow up.

                    I don't want to make it sound like my son is some perfect person. This has been going on for nearly 10 years. There have been things that my son could have and should have handled better. He has said things to his ex that he shouldn't have. My son is not confrontational by nature. He avoids conflict - sometimes to his detriment. He has probably let his ex dictate this situation for far to long instead of asserting his rights years ago - that's on him.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Sometimes we respond in a way that is a direct result of the situation and in relation to the other persons behaviour. As a parent, if someone threatens your time with your child, your response can be heated and confrontational. This is something I have had to work with my partner on. He felt his rights were being threatened without realizing his ex was simply pushing his buttons to get a reaction.

                      Your son may benefit from therapy to know best approaches to this behaviour. Including how to diffuse situations or respond in certain ways. It will also go a long way to helping with a motion.

                      The motion will be to change parenting time which would also remove the supervision. If he has shown the ability to manage his son’s medical care and daily activities then there is no need for supervision.

                      Bottom line is that his ex cannot withhold parenting time or deny him time with his child. He is an equal parent to this boy whether his ex likes it or not.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Do you think a motion to change parenting time would be granted without a home assessment? Should we have a home assessment done anyways to support our position? What are your thoughts?

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          OK maybe I'm confused or unclear.

                          My reading of the arbitrated decision is - once a home assessment is complete and is positive towards my son, he then is allowed his extended time.
                          Is that correct? Does the assessor simply write an order to that effect and it is done OR following the assessment, a motion for change still has to be made?
                          Does that make more sense?

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            My take on this is if its in the arbitrated agreement, then your son should do the assessment before going to file a motion. That way the other side cant use it against him.

                            Assessment first, file for a motion second, but I believe you need a Case Conference first to get the motion. I know its so confusing.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Also- here's another question. If it's too personal- please feel free not to answer...but why are you doing all this work/ gathering information? What is your son doing? does he have counsel? If he can't afford it- if you're in Ontario- does he qualify for legal air, or has he visited the Family Law Information Centres? Where is he in this whole situation?

                              Comment

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