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  • child coached how to greet other parent

    ... child has been greeting me differently when picked up from daycare or moms. when picked up from school or sees me at school very very happy to see me runs and gives me hugs. noticed this and as suhgested by my therapist I asked child if she's noticed a difference. she's said babysitter has told her to not give me hugs or be picked up by me and walk beside me only. she's continued this and keeps looking back at babysitter to see if they are watching or not. recently she pushed my hands away with hers when I went to give her a hug.. first time... of course the babysitter and mom laughed. I had serious talk with child how it was disrespectful to do that to your dad when they are greeting you and she basically said she can get in trouble and then her babysitter will yell at her. Ive essentially said you can greet me however you want.. if you want to give me a hug.. that's your right and it's your decision.. you have a right to make your decision. she's said babysitter yells at her and Ive told her to just tell her to not yell at you to treat you with respect and talk to you nicely.

    same issue with goodbyes .. won't let mw hug her and pushes me. saying I must not walk her to her moms door. .. and again by assistance therapist ive talked to her that dads and gentlemen walk their princesses to the door.. goodbyes are sad so we'll say see you later.. ending our goodbyes in a positive way is important for both of us..

    I've rinse and repeat to fix the goodbyes but the babysitter pickups are just ridiculous. child competely ignores me under influence of mom and babysitter and babysitter stares at me like a hawk as if I'm at a supervised access centre - even the people at supervised access centre don't stare at you like that.

    anyway.. have I done anything wrong here..? any word of wisdoms? would you have done anything different? I'm still awaiting lawyers to figure best course of action to do pickups from school.. lawyer has advised me not to go to the school just yet..

    we are also still waiting to see if OCL will take our case.
    Last edited by trinton; 05-10-2017, 06:18 PM.

  • #2
    Must be very upsetting for you. Of course, like everything in family law, it comes down to a he-said-she-said scenario so if you want to make something of this you would need a witness to attest to this I would think.

    Sounds like a supervised access centre would be preferable to what you are currently experiencing? That would probably 'knock their socks off' if it were you that requested it this time.... perhaps something to think about?

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    • #3
      Originally posted by arabian View Post
      Must be very upsetting for you. Of course, like everything in family law, it comes down to a he-said-she-said scenario so if you want to make something of this you would need a witness to attest to this I would think.

      Sounds like a supervised access centre would be preferable to what you are currently experiencing? That would probably 'knock their socks off' if it were you that requested it this time.... perhaps something to think about?

      Yeah I've thought about supervised access centre. apart from the added cost. it's quite far from us. would cut into my mid week visit times and the visits would be pointless at that point. very inconvenient but definitely things would be witnessed and documented. im also not sure of hours and how it would work for weekends. I think it would make sense for a week about schedule meet there once a week to switch. the only logical solutions seems to be pick up from school and have child overnight and drop off to school next morning as I'm seeking to expand access. I think.

      who would be a good witness? private investigator? not sure how credible a friend or family member would be? any idea?

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      • #4
        PI's are very expensive unless you know someone personally.

        Elder family member might be worth consideration. Your ex very well may behave herself...shamed into behaving?

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        • #5
          Originally posted by arabian View Post
          PI's are very expensive unless you know someone personally.

          Elder family member might be worth consideration. Your ex very well may behave herself...shamed into behaving?
          Yeah she'd love to see my mom around. and I'm sure the babysitter will wonder why my mom's showing up.

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          • #6
            I would suggest for now that you do not force these issues with your daughter. Note it, and try and be able to prove it and get a witness. But your daughter needs to know that she can trust you no matter what. That trust to her is not putting her in a situation that will make her get yelled at.
            You can tell her something like " I understand that you may get in trouble if you hug me in front of mom/babysitter, so if you like, you can always give me a hug once we are away from them.
            It is not your daughters fault, and by pushing this you are putting her between you guys. It sucks I understand, but to be your daughters knight in shining armour, you have to do your best to not put her in a situation where she gets in trouble. Think of it from her perspective, she loves you both no matter what. So you pushing for a hug, or a walk to the door or anything like that when she is uncomfortable and know she will get in trouble is not good. Doing this will show you respect her and you understand what she is going through.

            Document it though, but do not push the issue with her in my opinion.

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            • #7
              very good advice fireweb13.

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              • #8
                Reassure your daughter that whatever she decides is fine with you. Another thing you could do is tell her that instead of hugs when she sees you how about a "secret code " that means hug. Only the two of you know it. For instance an eyebrow raise, nose wiggle , double wink, hand on your ear, etc. Something the babysitter and mom can't see from a distance or wouldn't be any the wiser if they did and something they are not privy to. A secret greeting between you and your daughter. Kids love that kind of stuff.
                Last edited by Stillbreathing; 05-11-2017, 08:41 AM.

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