Arbitrator AWOL - Need Help

[DDM]

I signed a Mediation/Arbitration contract a year ago, along with my ex, to try to develop a parenting plan regarding access to my son. In December my ex requested the process go to arbitration. We filed our submissions and on January 30 I received an email from the arbitrator stating he would submit his decision in writing in 2 wks. After 2 wks and no word from the arbitrator, my ex informed me, pending the arbitrator's decision she was suspending my regular access and if I wanted visitation I would have to arrange supervised access through an Access Centre.

I have sent 3 emails and left a voice messages for the arbitrator with no response. It's like he has fallen of the face of the earth. I am desperate to contact the arbitrator. I have considered contacting the Ont Association for Family Mediation but I am concerned a formal complaint could influence the arbitrator ruling against me.

I am desperate, worried and I miss my son. What should I do?

[NBDad]

Do you have an existing access arrangement? If so you simply reply to the ex that pending the arbitrators decision access will continue pursuant to the existing order and you expect your son to be provided at the allocated time.

[dad2bandm]

What NBDad said...

How did your ex notify you, that she's "suspending your access"? Email, I hope.

If not, if you send the response NBDad mentioned, via email, to her, then likely, you will get her response back in email. As NBDad asked, what is your existing arrangement now?

[DDM]

Sorry, double post

[DDM]

Our existing agreement is part of our separation agreement. Our son was only a few months old at the time of our separation. The agreement states I am to have access for a minimum on 1 day a week with the provision to increase access to include weekends, overnights, holidays etc as my son got older. That was 3 1/2 yrs ago. Over that time I have been struggling to simply maintain my 1 day as my ex has used the term in the agreement "at her discretion" to not only deny my access for a period of several months but to insist my access be supervised (by my mother). These actions have been initiated solely by her with no court order. I have had 1 day a week supervised access to my son for about a yr now.

This is what lead me to pursue the med/arb. I needed a binding agreement that she could not simply change at her discretion.

This is her email.


"I haven't heard anything from Joaquin (arbitrator) yet as he is probably putting the final touches on our arbitration. As a result, I think it would be best that you use an access centre until he does come down with the arbitration as access is at my discretion."

My reply.
"I think we should continue with the regular access schedule. I expect to be picking (son's name) up at 8:00 am on Sunday"

Her reply:

"As per our court ordered agreement, I have to exercise my discretion in this matter and I will insist that you set up an access centre for a visit or you will not be able to see (son's name) on Sunday.

My lawyer has advised me, until an arbitration has been completed, to be sure that (Son's name) best interests are met."

[HammerDad]

I would argue that "her discretion" only relates to whether the child is well enough for you to exercise your parenting time, not to dictate further requirements that you must meet in order for you to exercise your parenting time.

I'd simply state that:

Dear Ex,

While the agreement does provide you some discretion regarding parenting time I don't believe such discretion provides that you are entitled to provide for further requirements regarding parenting time. Such discretion should only relate to whether the child is otherwise well enough for my parenting time.

As such it is my position that I will exercise my parenting time as provided in the court order."


From there, I'd file a motion in court requesting defined parenting time. Should the arbitrator come through prior to the motion being heard, you can drop the motion. I'd also notify the arbitrator that due to their delay in providing you with their decision, you've filed a motion in court as it is extremely important that you update your parenting time to a schedule that is more age appropriate as your previous agreement has become unreasonably restrictive as the child is no longer an infant. Hopefully that lights a fire under the arbitrators but.

The fact that your old agreement didn't provide for gradual increases in your parenting time means it was poorly worded agreement.

Also, ensure you've kept a detailed journal of any parenting time cancelled or otherwise altered per your ex's "discretion" and you've kept all emails etc. They will make great evidence in court of your ex abusing her "discretion".

[NBDad]

What is the EXACT wording of the existing order? Does it specify that one day a week is to be supervised or not?

If it does NOT say that specifically,then on that ONE day a week, you should be able to exercise your parenting time and she can pound sand.

[HammerDad]

What is the EXACT wording of the existing order? Does it specify that one day a week is to be supervised or not?

If it does NOT say that specifically,then on that ONE day a week, you should be able to exercise your parenting time and she can pound sand.

Agreed.

Her discretion doesn't expand to provide terms not otherwise provided in the order.

[dinkyface]

He is probably down south getting a tan

My bet is he's shuffling between the two lawyers to see which way their wind is blowing ....

[DDM]

The agreement does not say anything about supervised visitation. My ex used her 'discretion' to impose that stipulation a year ago. Then the stipulation was my mother was to supervise for the day. Now her stipulation is I have to see him at an Access Center for an hour or so - maybe 2 if they can accommodate me.
I agree that I should be able to see him on my regular day but she would never give him to me freely. I know she would call 911 and with my luck I would end up in jail.

[NBDad]

I would respond to her that until such time as the order is changed, you will be adhering to the ordered access schedule and will be by to pick up the child on xx day and xx time as per the existing order.

Then go. Let hercall 911. If she does you show your order to the nice officer as well as the email printout. You ask him for his name and his badge number, and for the incident report #. You thank him for his time and leave.

When you get home you email her indicating you do not consent to her unilateral decision to withhold access in contempt of the existing order. You then send her three days and times for make up parenting time and request she provide you her choice in 48 hours.

If she refuses, you go down to the courthouse and file a motion for specific access, a change in custody, costs and contempt.

Propose a gradually increased parenting schedule over the next 12 months that ends with 50-50.

[DDM]

My bet is he's shuffling between the two lawyers to see which way their wind is blowing ....

I hope he is. I am beginning to have some doubts about this guy's competence.

[dinkyface]

I hope he is. I am beginning to have some doubts about this guy's competence.

So you are OK with him kowtowing to whichever lawyer has the bigger stick or the better story?

[DDM]

So you are OK with him kowtowing to whichever lawyer has the bigger stick or the better story?

Brain cramp, what can I say? I read 'shuffling btw lawyers' . Missed the reference to our lawyers.

What are you suggesting - arbitrator would try and asses who is more likely to contest his decision? I can tell you for sure, if my ex doesn't like the decision this will not end. I don't even know why I let myself get so stressed. Every time I think it can't get any worse -it always does.