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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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Old 08-26-2009, 07:56 AM
vinland101 vinland101 is offline
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Default how to structure joint physical custody?


I'm new here (please pardon me if this post is in the wrong forum...)

my wife is in the process of moving out. she is insisting on shared custody of the children, 50/50

my question is, how is this supposed to work?

she is suggesting 3 days with one parent, then three with the next. won't this be very disruptive to the children?

can anyone give advice on how you organized things in your own situation?

would one week each with each parent be better?

thank you
Old 08-26-2009, 08:36 AM
Deputy Daddy Deputy Daddy is offline
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I have 50/50 with my 2 kids and it works out very well. The best advice I got was to live close to my ex and I can't see sharing custody from any distance. The kids go to the same school, know the neighbourhood and have the same friends at mommy's place as they do at daddy's. I have them Tues and Thurs, and every second Fri, Sat and Sun. It's not disruptive at all and the kids feel equally at home at my place as they do at my ex wife's home.

You can put it in positive terms... If they can't decide what color to paint their room, paint the one at mommy's blue, the one at daddy's green. They have two sets of toys, etc....

I think younger kids should have trades more often as going without seeing a parent for 7 days is a bit long for some. We share the cost of common items like winter coats and boots, but day-to-day clothing and toys, etc... we each have our own.

It works pretty well for us and gives a parent some "down-time" and the opportunity to go out with our own friends when the kids are at the ex's place.

Old 08-26-2009, 08:52 AM
billiechic billiechic is offline
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We are in the process of working this out as well. Our daughter is still only 3, so she is in daycare. But we have arranged it so she spends 50/50 with each of us. This week I had her M,T, her dad has her W, Th and I get her F, Sat, Sun. Next week we switch.

Even though we aren't living close, we both work in the same area and we already had her attending daycare in that town. So we just use daycare as the pick-up, drop-off place. When she starts school next year we will continue the same way, as I plan on moving to that school district. As the separation is fresh we are still passing clothing back and forth, but I suspect we will each end up with our own set of clothes. I think I will purchase her winter boots etc, as I am recieving the Child Tax.

It seems to be working out ok. For a 3 year old she seems to be adjusting. Just this morning she told me Mommy was her best friend and Daddy was her best friend. Could you ask for a better response? Nope!
Old 08-26-2009, 09:20 AM
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billm billm is offline
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I have M, Tu, the ex has W, Th, and we alternate F, Sa, Su.

Duplicate of most things at each house and we live close together.

Dog goes where the kids go.

Week on/Week off is too long and I think makes it feel like disjoint parenting I think.
Old 08-26-2009, 11:48 AM
Foredeck Foredeck is offline
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I did some research on this, and I believe it was the massachusetts government who came out with guidelines.

They say that a child should not be more then 3 or 4 days away from one parent. After they turn 6, you can go one week on, one week off.

Personally, I get her 4 days one week, 3 days the other. So, usually Wed, Thur, Fri and then Wed to Sunday.

We're very flexible and it changes depending on our schedule. It confuses the heck out of everybody, but it works, there's no disruption and it's still amicable.
Old 08-26-2009, 07:16 PM
today today is offline
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My children are a little older and do week to week, works extremely well and of course we are flexible and in the same neighborhood. To each his own, what ever works for the children and parents, why not? If my children were very young I would seriously consider shorter periods away from each parent.
Old 08-31-2009, 12:51 PM
baileybug baileybug is offline
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We do Me - Mon, Tues, She - Wed, Thurs and alternating FRi, Sat, Sun.
Living in the same neighbourhood would be nice - but won't work if the other family doesn't want to see you at all!!! Wish it could be that way though, as I find the kids have a hard time making friends in the neigbourhood. Since they are sometimes at my house and sometimes not, the kids around have stopped coming by to ask them to play.
Over the summer we switch to a week on and off. This is to avoid the battles over what camps/care the kids will get. Do find that the kids are way more emotional with this switch. Takes them a couple of days to "switch" back emotionaly (versus a few hours with the school year schedule)
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