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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #31  
Old 04-03-2011, 05:37 PM
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"For us this is far better than week about as it feels for the most part that I am still seeing and raising them full time."

This is exactly why an alternating week plan doesn't sound good to us. I'm definitely selfish over this issue of custody in the sense that I worry about my own daughter and the effect of not seing her sisters on alternating weeks. But I don't feel guilty about this. My step daughters will always be together. I don't like to think of my own daughter being a part-time single child especially considering her fondness for her sisters. A schedule such as yours feels better than alternating weeks.
  #32  
Old 04-03-2011, 06:36 PM
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Originally Posted by Linear View Post
Why must one wonder that? Have I insinuated in any way that Mom is the only decision maker here or are you simply implying we're difficult people to get along with? There has never once been a single argument over which activities the children enroll in and the decisions therein have never been made unilaterally.
Yes, you have. By giving mom posession of the child whereby she everso graciously ALLOWS the child to see her father and her father to see her you are insinuating that it is up to mom to decide whether to give or take the time away from him and the child. Not cool.
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Old 04-03-2011, 07:09 PM
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"Yes, you have. By giving mom posession of the child whereby she everso graciously ALLOWS the child to see her father and her father to see her you are insinuating that it is up to mom to decide whether to give or take the time away from him and the child. Not cool."

That statement was regarding extra curricular activities. Even so, if the ex calls up and says he's in town a day early and would like to spend it with his kids it's up to Mom to decide that, not me, not you, not the child and not a Court. He's asking to have them during her time, and she's always obliged this and continues to do so. However, she does this for the children, she's under no obligation to grant him additional access simply because he's available.

So yes, it's up to her to GIVE time - time in addition to their custody order. I don't know what you're trying to say about taking time away from him.

There are likely many father's here who would love an ex who, as you say, "everso graciously ALLOWS the child to see her father" in excess of the court order. You're talking about a woman who has bent over backwards to foster a good relationship between the children and their father. You make her sound as though she thinks she's doing him a favor by giving him extra access. Nothing could be further from the truth.
  #34  
Old 04-03-2011, 08:24 PM
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I can't help myself.

Why must you continue to pass the responsibility for these decisions back to an outdated court order/agreement? Why do you continue to refuse ownership of the decisions that are being made as if it's the law's fault (CS guidelines) or the agreement's fault (parenting schedule). Inanimate objects don't make decisions. People do, more particularly your wife and her ex.

This is a common sense issue and it's not about having the power to GIVE time. For heaven's sake are you ever going to get that the children are far better off having being co-parented by Mom and Dad instead of power tripping the authority over to Mom?

Have you not understood that every poster that has responded to you sees problems with your position? All you keep doing is defending a position that nobody seems to agree with.
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Old 04-03-2011, 08:50 PM
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"Why must you continue to pass the responsibility for these decisions back to an outdated court order/agreement?"

Their original agreement has not been in play since 6 months after it was drafted over 7 years ago. The original agreement provided the father with 1 day midweek overnight and Fri(supper) to Sun(supper) EOW.

Her ex, after starting his own company was required to be on the road Saturday nights. It was my wife who suggested he could take the children 2 days each week Thurs-Sat. This accomodated his schedule and also gave him an additional day with his kids. There was no paperwork involved, she did this to accomodate him so he could see his children. This has been the status quo these 7 years.

So she gave him an extra day outside the original order and on top of that gave him even more time over the past 7 years. Now, the 1st time she asks for an increase in CS he throws a tanrum and asks for shared custody and we're just supposed to agree with this?

Are we supposed to just say "Ok here's the kids alternating weeks" without any regard to how the kids might feel or without considering the effect on them? We don't even know if the kids would want to do this. And let's not forget how this request for a change in custody came about.

It's as though some of you thinkhe's asking for shared custody and we're standing back saying "Nope never gonna happen". That's not the case.
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Old 04-03-2011, 09:29 PM
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It was very good for your wife to be flexible in agreeing (not allowing) the extra time, but what appears to have happened is that the schedule has morphed into more or less a shared parenting arrangement.

What they should is to sit down like sensible adults and have a candid discussion about shared parenting and their true incomes. They should calculate CS based on the set off method and arrive at a proper number.

Neither side will get everything it wants, but if they can do this together then they should be able to reach a compromise that gives each side a little. She gets a fair amount of CS and he gets recognition that he is an equal parent in the children's lives.

And the children benefit from their parents behaving like co-parents instead of bitter litigants.
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