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  • Kid worried about cat - how to handle?

    Okay more experienced people, how would you handle this one?

    Kid is worried about a pet (an elderly cat) at her father's house. According to Kid, Stepmom has said that if the cat pees on the carpet again, she's going to have him put down. Kid is concerned that when she goes back to Dad's house, her cat will be dead.

    Some contextual factors: the cat in question used to be my cat - I couldn't take him with me when I moved out because of no-pet rules in the new apartment. I wish now I'd pushed harder on that, but at the the time I thought it was better for the cat to stay in familiar surroundings with Kid and Dad. So I have some emotions about this cat.

    Kid and I volunteer for animal-related charities and Kid is very concerned about kindness to animals and animal well-being.

    I don't want to undermine Dad and Stepmom's authority by telling Kid that I think it's terrible to euthanize a pet just because they're getting inconvenient. However, I also don't want to give the impression that treating animals like this is fine by me. I don't know for sure what Stepmom said because all I have is Kid's account, but from the little I know of that household, Stepmom rules the roost and makes the decisions. It's possible Kid is misinterpreting Stepmom, but I don't want to dismiss her concerns.

    How would you address this to comfort Kid but not stir up unnecessary drama with Dad and Stepmom?

  • #2
    Go get the cat. I doubt it will matter much if the landlord does not know. There were several people in my daughters apartment that had pets despite the building policy of no cats. If the cat is peeing then make sure you put the kitty litter out and the cat can get to it. Meet the cat inside and it will be fine.

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    • #3
      I understand how emotional this can be, but you really can't just walk into their home and take what is now their cat.

      If you want the cat and are willing to take it in and care for it then definitely speak to your ex about it. If you don't or can't take it, there isn't a lot you can do, unfortunately.

      There's likely a health related issue that's causing the peeing, if it's an older cat, one that can be costly to treat and may not improve. You really can't make ex do it, for any reason. It's sad, but sometimes the treatment is.more difficult on the cat than having it put down and kidlet may need to start understanding that.

      That's a tough situation, I feel for you and kidlet on this one.

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      • #4
        Unfortunately, most likely the cat is in poor health that the soiling is a symptom of. I am a cat lover myself, and had to make the hard decision to put one of my cats down who was also elderly and soiling everywhere, including my bed.

        As hard as it may be, this really is up to dad and stepmom and if the cat is elderly and sick, may be for the best. It would be good if kid was given notice of an impending final vet visit so as to let her say goodbye.

        Terribly difficult situation, but I agree with blink that kid may need to understand that sometimes it's kinder to the pet even if it doesn't seem that way.

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        • #5
          When you assume, you make an ass out of u me....

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Links17 View Post
            When you assume, you make an ass out of u me....
            How is this helpful in any way...?

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            • #7
              I am a cat lover. I have two 'tarded cats. One is older and the other one, well lets just say it's one I inherited from my boss...

              One of the very first signs of diabetes in older cats is frequent urination. They tend to hang around their water bowls alot. Older cats (14+ yrs) can also get urinary tract infections from the litter that is used. A trip to the veterinarian will be expensive but would rule-out any infections or disorders.

              If a cat does have diabetes the only thing that can be done is what you do with people who have diabetes - insulin injections (2 x daily). Problem is, it is almost impossible to get a proper indicator of the insulin level unless you are prepared to traipse back and forth to the veterinarian all the time for expensive blood work. Veterinarians are only too willing (like lawyers) to do this for you as they are running a business and tests like these are lucrative.

              I have gone through the diabetes treatment with 2 cats. IT's no fun. Both cats eventually died from an overdose of insulin. This was horrendous to watch. Cat's had seizures and had to be euthanized. Looking back now, I do know that should one of my current 'tarted cats get diabetes I will have them euthanized. Treatment with insulin just puts off the inevitable.

              Sad decision.

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              • #8
                As a former cat owner who had this urination problem I can safely say its a medical issue. You taking the cat back wont solve it, you will more than likely have to put the cat down yourself.

                Perhaps explain to kid that the cat is old and is having issues and while step mom may have said it in a hurtful or confusing way, the cat should not suffer any longer. Explain that its not a punishment or bad thing, its humane to not let the cat continue to suffer. Peeing is a symptom of a larger issue.

                As difficult as your ex is maybe you both can be on the same page of helping child understand death and the loss of a pet and how treating them humanely is a good thing not bad.

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                • #9
                  Stripes:

                  I think a lot of how kid perceives it will be whether she has the impression that dad and stepmom see it as an inconvenience and think they don't care about the cat, or if it comes across as they care about the cat and don't want cat to suffer it cat is ill, aside from the soiling issue.

                  Hopefully dad and stepmom can be sensitive to kid on this topic. Something like this could turn into hard feelings towards them on kids part depending how they handle it.

                  Arabian: I didn't put the cat through testing, but having read your story, wonder if my cat didn't have diabetes. She did have some seizures also.

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                  • #10
                    Thanks everyone. I've cared for elderly cats with kidney failure (IV rehydration, medication, etc) until they had no good quality of life left, and then made the decision about euthanasia, so I know how hard this can be. If the cat has some good years left, I'd be willing to take him in and work on the peeing problem, but I can't do this unless Dad allows. And Kid doesn't want me to speak to Dad about the cat's issues because she's afraid she'll get in trouble from him and Stepmom for telling me about it.

                    I guess it may be time for the life lesson of how we lose beloved pets - sometimes in ways we choose but sometimes in ways we don't choose. And thanks for the reminder about contextualizing Stepmom's remarks for Kid - the way she said it might have sounded harsh, but maybe the cat is really sick and doesn't have any good quality of life left. But I can't control how Kid perceives Dad and Stepmom - whether she sees it as doing something humane or as "well, it's an inconvenience so we'll get rid of the pet".

                    If the cat does get euthanized, Kid and I could do something to memorialize him - donations to animal rescue, maybe?

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                    • #11
                      A donation would be a great idea. If kid is crafty, maybe a shadow box or some type of scrapbooky kind of thing with pictures and sayings and such. (I'm not crafty so can't give very good concrete examples)

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                      • #12
                        The seizures both my cats (19 and 20 yrs old) had were after they were diagnosed with diabetes and my giving them the recommended daily dose of insulin. It was horrible to watch.... frothing at the mouth... ugh.

                        BTW - my father was a veterinarian and I was raised with neighbours bringing all their sick, half-dead animals to our doorstep. I've seen much but I gotta tell you that watching both cats go through this was horrible. I couldn't help but blame myself (which veterinarian said was ridiculous) because I was the one who had administered the deadly dose(s). In both instances I was forewarned that the cats would likely not live much beyond 6 - 8 months.

                        So you have to ask yourself this - would you prefer to go with your daughter to have the cat euthanized (they just get a little needle in their arm and fall asleep) or have your daughter go through what I did?

                        I'd choose the euthanization anyday.

                        However, some people cheap out on the type of cat litter they buy. Of course litter boxes should be kept clean so the cat wants to use it (cleaned every day?).

                        I have a cat that will not pee in the litter box but will go #2 in the litter box. She insists on peeing on puppy pee pads right outside of the litter box. 'tarded or what?

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                        • #13
                          I think an important thing for kidlet to understand is that although you may go the extra distance to care for the animals until the last moment possible, not everyone can or will make the same choice - and they have the right to choose that for their pet and family.

                          It doesn't make one right or the other wrong, it's just the way it is sometimes.

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by arabian View Post

                            So you have to ask yourself this - would you prefer to go with your daughter to have the cat euthanized (they just get a little needle in their arm and fall asleep) or have your daughter go through what I did?

                            I'd choose the euthanization anyday.

                            Just to be clear Arabian - that's not a choice I'm facing. The cat in question is at her father's house, so I don't really know anything about its medical condition or have any say in what happens. It's all up to him and Stepmom.

                            We have a cat at my place too now, and if that cat got grievously sick and was in pain that couldn't be treated, I'd do the humane thing.

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                            • #15
                              Because the outcome could be so upsetting to your daughter I would simply talk to the step-parent. It can't be pleasant for her to have to deal with cat peeing on the carpet as once an animal pees in one place they tend to return to the same place and do it again. She might be relieved to let you take the animal off her hands.

                              If you don't ask then you don't get....

                              (my "pisser" cat just did her thing on the pee pads - right on cue)

                              Do you want another cat? I'll ship this one to you tomorrow....

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