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  • Tough Decision

    I figured I would throw it on this board.

    Once again some background.

    Still living together
    Been separated since Aug 2011.
    Currently sharing the kids 50/50.

    I have 6 lieu days I have accumulated and they must be used by the end of April.

    I found a free flight (points) and a really cheap hotel for a week in the Caribbean to go diving

    I can book the trip so that I'm only missing 2 days with my kids and my mom said she would watch the kids for me those two days. I already asked my ex, without telling her why, if she would switch me two days for these days and she said no....she was busy.

    Now the problem is I have court (Long motion) in May and I'm not sure if I should go. I took the kids on a cruise in Dec and she put in her paperwork that I am living an extravagant life style without having dealt with child support and spousal support. I'm obviously fighting for 50/50 and I'm not sure how it would look to a judge if I went. Ex will obviously try to use it against me any way she can as she if fighting for sole.

    Your thoughts and advice would be appreciated.

    Thanks

  • #2
    Originally posted by oink View Post
    Question: If you are still living together in the house (like we are), why is there a need to apy CS and SS espceially when the kids are there in the home?

    Obviously you are taking care of bills and kids stuff whilst still there together? I personally wouldn't go on that trip unless the kid(s) were coming. That way it looks more like doing stuff with the kid(s) as opposed to personal gratification
    Exactly her point was kind of irrelevant about CS and SS since I pay my proportionate share of all household and child expenses.

    I do not want to pull the kids out of school for a week again as I did in December. I also can't afford to take the kids too. I just could really use a week of me time. It is selfish but it's been a long 2 years and missing 2 days IMO is not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things but I have to be sensitive to the fact that everything I do is being looked at with a microscope and that's why I am having such a hard time deciding.

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    • #3
      Put off the trip until AFTER you have a signed final order. THEN take a trip to celebrate on YOUR time (ie. when you DO NOT have the kids).

      That's your best course of action.

      my $0.02...do what you want with it.

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      • #4
        I also think that NOW is NOT the time to jet set anywhere. I hear you: that you "need" it - but the timing (with a May court date looming) is not good.

        That's my .02c

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        • #5
          Thanks everyone.

          That was my worry and it is clearly a valid worry.

          I have the option of taking the 6 days in cash (OT) which can't hurt paying my lawyer and I can't think of any other reason to take the time off as the kids will be in school. So I think I will just keep doing what I've been doing and plan something for another time.

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          • #6
            Or if you don't want to take the days as cash, you can always do some day-trips, local things? If I was in the same house as my ex, I know I'd want to get away for the day. lol.

            Or if you have to prep for court, you have some days to use?

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            • #7
              ^^
              I agree - take them as mental health days, you don't need to be in the Caribbean to enjoy some me-time.

              Go to your local cafe, have a latte in the late morning, hang out with your friends - when was the last time you were at ROM? They have a current display on Tod Ainslie - 1812 war and pinhole cameras, I've read about it, it's supposed to be fantastic.
              Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

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              • #8
                you could always find something to do in the days that you don't have the kids - then there's no need to tell anyone where you're going? Only stay close enough so that your phone works (don't go to Cuba for 4 days) and if there's an issue have someone on standby to step in for you if needed (ie if STBX gets hits by a car and can't take care of the kids).

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                • #9
                  I can't fault anything anybody has said.

                  The child should come first, that is the prevailing wisdon while involved in court proceedings.

                  But c'mon!! You'll miss the child(s) by two days?

                  I say 'eff' it! Go on your trip.

                  Life doesn't just STOP because you're in a custody battle.

                  Maybe you can make arrangement for the child(s) to overnight at a cousins? Or at grandma's? Or something, for those days?

                  That way you follow up on your 'commitments', the child gets to experience something different, and you get to go away for some sun.

                  Win-win-win-win.

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                  • #10
                    Totally sucks. I'd take the trip. Cover your ass in the meantime and perhaps have the kids enrolled in some fantastic activity?

                    Your ex will flip but if you can stand the heat just do it. Kids are presumably well taken care of with grandparents.

                    Go and please do post and tell us why we all need to get lives and have some fun from time to time.

                    Go. Get Laid. Have fun. Be young again. Do it for Arabian! LOL

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by oink View Post
                      That is not very nice
                      I always have someone on standby to play the role of me when I'm travelling even if the boy is at dad's. that way i can never be accused of never being prepared or available.

                      isn't that a saying? "you could get hit by a car"??? as a reason for good planning and clean underwear?

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                      • #12
                        Grandma has already agreed to pick them up from the sitters watch them all night and drop them back off at the sitters/school while she is at work.

                        It would be a Thursday Night/Friday Morning Then a Monday Night/Tuesday Morning and possibly a Wed after school until I get home depending on flight times.

                        I'm really on the fence... But in all honesty this court date is the most important day of my life right now and I am very nervous about it. So I think I will wait save the lieu time and hope my employer doesn't force me to take the cash and maybe do it in May or June.

                        Thanks everyone for your input.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I'm really on the fence... But in all honesty this court date is the most important day of my life right now and I am very nervous about it. So I think I will wait save the lieu time and hope my employer doesn't force me to take the cash and maybe do it in May or June.
                          Personally, I wouldn't have gone during my in-home separation with all the nonsense I had going on. My ex took any opportunity of me being out of the house or away from my daughter to cause havoc. I wouldn't have enjoyed any vacation I took...but that's just me.

                          I would save it for a time when you can relax more...if that's possible.
                          Last edited by Pursuinghappiness; 03-13-2013, 10:45 AM. Reason: typo...

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                          • #14
                            I think PH meant to say she "would not" have gone.

                            It's tempting, we all understand but I don't think it would be that enjoyable. The stbx would likely stage a scene and say she couldn't reach you b/c you were off on a vacay. The possibilities of what she might do, in your absence are endless imo

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                            • #15
                              Thanks HadEnough...I corrected my typo.

                              I understand that its highly ridiculous to put your life on-hold during this process but my own experience with in-home separation was brutal.

                              Just an example. One day I forgot my new laptop at the marital home (I'd usually pack it up every day and leave it in my car)...and he used the opportunity to crack open my laptop to install a spy device. It ended up crashing my computer..so I took it in to my computer guy and he noticed that there were screws missing from it.

                              Although I didn't know exactly what he had done to it at the time...he later told our custody evaluator what he had done...its actually in our final report...LOL. He had installed a spy device on my laptop. Apparently, his thought process was that the custody evaluator would be appalled that I had moved on to a new relationship during my separation. So he read and printed out all my email. Luckily I rarely communicated with my lawyer by email. I actually find it highly amusing to this day that he was reading the notes between me and my bf.

                              He would also use any opportunity for me to be out of the house to go through my things. Of course, I had taken almost everything important out of the house...but he'd steal my cell phone bills, my underwear (???), miscellaneous receipts...basically go through anything he could.

                              In addition, if I had tried to arrange babysitting for my child in my absence, I guarantee he would have screwed that all up. There would have been massive amounts of havoc called and I can imagine I would have been phoned on vacation numerous times.

                              So personally, I think it really depends on what nonsense your ex might be up to while you're gone. If you think things will go smoothly and it will give you time to relax and take a deep breath...by all means, go. There's nothing legally irresponsible about it at all...its just more of a judgement thing. You know your ex better than anyone here.

                              By the way, I've been out of the marital home for a year and now enjoy travelling out of town on weekends...and have planned a few getaways including the islands this fall with my kids and new partner. So it does get better.
                              Last edited by Pursuinghappiness; 03-13-2013, 11:18 AM.

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