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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #11  
Old 05-21-2010, 09:00 PM
UniversityMom UniversityMom is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by billiechic View Post
Have you been to see a counsellor? You can't let your feelings about the situation make your decisions. The more emotions get wrapped up in court, the more money it costs. Never mind the damage it does to you and your children.

Please step back and look at your situation from a different perspective. You have your child and have been taking care of her for years. The court will not likely do anything to change that. They might give him access, but you are the sole custodial parent. It is up to him to prove he will be a good parent...let him try.

I'm not letting my emotions come to play in court. I am not like that.. I will simply do my best to defend my position with facts. In terms of now in real life im upset as hell.
Ive been on a waiting list to "talk to someone" since the seperation.. lots of calling back and basically I'm not holding my breath..
Honestly I eat healthy, I exercise I expand my mind and I meditate and im very involved with art. I am a healthy person experiencing a healthy and NORMAL depression following the breakdown of my marriage.
I did find it helpful to vent here though.
  #12  
Old 05-21-2010, 09:06 PM
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Originally Posted by Steve Osbourne View Post
Would his electricity being cut off and being behind in his rent have anything to do with unemployment and the order for support?

No this is a regular ocurrance for him before I met him, a few times before I over took the finances when we lived together and many times after I left him. he makes a certain amount of money every month and then proceeds to buy things he cannot afford on that budget. The latest technical gadget/gizmo, beer, cigarettes, going on dates, eating out etc etc. Then he cant pay his bills and randomly has his phone or electricity or whatever shut off. He is completely irresponsible.

Look I am not judging, he can do what he wants and live the way he wants to live it is none of my business but I don't want my kid in that enviroment. Would you?
  #13  
Old 05-22-2010, 05:16 AM
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"I would gladly let him have her if I thought he could actually provide a great home for her while I get my stuff sorted". What "stuff are you talking about? Your mental health?

A few good books aren't going to make him a good parent. Parenting will.

Going to dismiss "councilling" that quickly? Doesn't make you look reasonable at all. If you are depressed, then you are a fool not to get on the waiting list. While you wait, learn to use a spell checker.
  #14  
Old 05-22-2010, 10:38 AM
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Different parenting styles is not uncommon - Is their parenting style more harmful to your child in common than child coming to know their other parent?
  #15  
Old 05-22-2010, 10:45 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UniversityMom View Post
Look I am not judging, he can do what he wants and live the way he wants to live it is none of my business but I don't want my kid in that enviroment.
Of course you're judging. You've been judging his worthiness as a parent. It's your job. Call a spade a spade for Pete's sake.
  #16  
Old 05-22-2010, 07:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dadtotheend View Post

Going to dismiss "councilling" that quickly? Doesn't make you look reasonable at all. If you are depressed, then you are a fool not to get on the waiting list. While you wait, learn to use a spell checker.
I am on the waiting list. The point is it`s a long list and I`m not holding my breath waiting for it to be my solution to everything.
Learn reading comprehension sir.
I know you are really busy what with having a big huge forum waiting for you to reply to every single thing said by anyone anywhere but you`d come off as less of a joke when you tell me to learn how to spell.

stuff = mental health, school. When he was building his career and getting his life sorted I took care of her without any help from him. I don`t think it is unreasonable to want a trade off, although I`d certainly want a bazillion times more visits than he ever decided to take for himself.

It`s besides the point he is not capable of being that support. He has proven this to me in dozens and dozens of ways over years now.

If he wants more time with his daughter I`d be willing to move closer, I`d be willing to let him have her as often as possible in a way that will not effect E`s life in a bad way (no missing school etc) but I`d need help and support to do this from him. He offers none.

I genuinely want them to have a relationship but I maintain that without one hell of a lot of work and improvement he is not suitable. I have never seen him be anything but a fun playmate when it suited his needs, or not there.

re judging:
Yes of course I am judging his parenting I was distinguishing between judging his parenting (which I have every reason and right to do in this situation) and judging him as a human being overall (which I do not).
His life choices for himself are absolutely none of my business unless it pertains to our daughter..

If he`s not even around her, the amount of beer he drinks is none of my business.
If he is being a caregiver then I feel it is my right to judge his smoking, drinking, and overall irresponsible lifestyle.

I didn`t realize that a support forum would be like essay writing. I have to write well thought out, spelled correctly essays on a regular basis. I get really high marks so I`m going to assume I`m fairly good at doing it when I care..
It seems really really pretentious to care here.

DADTO: I notice you around the boards a LOT..
I notice you find the time to answer prettymuch everyone and everything really quickly.
You`re not getting paid for this and as far as I can tell other than the lip service gratitude of giving you a fancy poster status you`ve got no more or less power on here than anyone else.
Perhaps I`m wrong, feel free to correct me if you`re actually important here.
I know you have a gang of friends here. I`m sure your friendships have been a valuable source of support and entertainment and I do not mean to imply that you are unimportant to your pals on the forum.
I do however maintain that whoever owns the board here likely doesn`t know or care that you exist and your entire demeaner would suggest otherwise. *eye roll*

The tone of your answers and the complete lack of class you display when someones minor spelling or board posting infractions irritate you make me literally Laugh outloud.

Maybe youre not aware what internet forum addiction can do to a person but I`m gonna let you in on a little secret.

When you spend too much time (as you clearly do here) in an internet place, you get bored. With boredom comes much much less tolerance for anything even remotely annoying. In your case, spelling. When you`re annoyed youre no longer enjoying yourself, thus creating the cycle of the miserable internet addict.

I am effective in communicating my ideas so your intolerance of my careless spelling is your problem. Don`t make it mine.

Kindly do not post snarky replies to anything I say, I`m not interested in your opinion on my grammar. If it is to poor for you to bear simply move along and do not comment.
I welcome and look forward to any positive or constructive things you`d like to share with me in the future
-C
  #17  
Old 05-22-2010, 07:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by logicalvelocity View Post
Different parenting styles is not uncommon - Is their parenting style more harmful to your child in common than child coming to know their other parent?
I would love for her to come to know her father. I have gone out of my way to ensure he has as much telephone and physical access to his daughter as humanly possible. I have bent over backwards to make access possible for him and he has for the most part been disinterested.

That is until very recently when he decided to take me to court and get full custody.

This is a man who has no experience with children or child rearing.
This is a man with a temper
this is a man with alcoholism in his family, his personal life, and his friends lives.
etc etc etc

I think given the opportunity to improve and more importantly the desire and will, B could be an effective parent.

As it stands today simply handing her over to him would be the absolute worst possible plan of action.

Ideally she would have both of us..

I will straight up fully acknowledge and admit that I am depressed over my very recent divorce, my poor relationship with my family and the fact that I am a single mother completely alone. it`s scary and sad and I`d love nothing more than to work with my x on being supports for one another so that my daughter has the best possible scenario at all times

Unfortunately he seems uninterested in this, and wants only to take her from me so that he can look like a hero to his friends and won`t have to admit that he has been a deadbeat dad for the last few years.
  #18  
Old 05-22-2010, 07:51 PM
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Wow, that was rude.

You asked for suggestions and advice which is what you got however you seem to already have the answers in mind that you want to hear. Unfortunately for you, public forums are not the place to go if you just want to be reassured that what you think is right. People here are going to tell you what you can realistically expect, not to be mean but to open your eyes to it. If you just want people to agree with you and tell you what you want to hear you won't find it on this forum.

After reading that post, I think the analysis of you being judgemental is completely bang on. In your mind you've established yourself as the perfect parent, he could in no way compete with your parenting skills, ergo you must be the only person who can care for her. Here's a newsflash for you: it's not a competition and you have no right to deny the child her parent, regardless of how YOU feel about him. Unless you have undeniable proof that he has proven himself an unfit parent with this child you WILL lose in court if you think you'll stop him from having a part in her life.

Welcome to the forum.
  #19  
Old 05-22-2010, 07:52 PM
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Smile...I don't think they will successful in their claim.
  #20  
Old 05-22-2010, 09:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blinkandimgone View Post
Wow, that was rude.

You asked for suggestions and advice which is what you got however you seem to already have the answers in mind that you want to hear. Unfortunately for you, public forums are not the place to go if you just want to be reassured that what you think is right. People here are going to tell you what you can realistically expect, not to be mean but to open your eyes to it. If you just want people to agree with you and tell you what you want to hear you won't find it on this forum.

After reading that post, I think the analysis of you being judgemental is completely bang on. In your mind you've established yourself as the perfect parent, he could in no way compete with your parenting skills, ergo you must be the only person who can care for her. Here's a newsflash for you: it's not a competition and you have no right to deny the child her parent, regardless of how YOU feel about him. Unless you have undeniable proof that he has proven himself an unfit parent with this child you WILL lose in court if you think you'll stop him from having a part in her life.

Welcome to the forum.
Actually DadTo was telling me I seemed to have good reason to be judgmental because my x has never been a very good father. I was explaining to him that even though it may be calling a spade a spade, I try not to judge a persons overall worth to the world based on a few poor choices and actions.

In otherwords, yes my x has shown himself to be a deadbeat but I do not think he is an awful human being and I would like him to be in my daughters life. If this is what he wants to do now I am in favour.

I am far from the perfect parent I have established publically in this thread the desire for more help from her father.
I have established publically in this thread the desire for her father to spend more time with his daughter.
I have established publically in this thread my sadness over my exes complete disinterest in being a part of her life.
I then established publically, in this thread, my exes intentions of getting sole custody and giving me very limited access, because he has èstablished in his mind that he is the perfect parent and that I could in no way compete with his parenting skills, ergo he must be the only person who can care for her. Here's a newsflash for Him...: it's not a competition and he has no right to deny my daughter her mother, regardless of how HE feels about me. Unless he has undeniable proof that I have proven myself an unfit parent.


Thanks I couldn`t agree more!
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