Unreasonable Behavior

[Pursuinghappiness]

Interesting read: Divorce study which suggests that unreasonable behavior is the most cited reason for divorce.

Reason for Divorce is 'Unreasonable Behavior,' and is Most Cited Cause According to New Study

The National Fatherhood Initiative conducted a similar study in the U.S., and asked divorced individuals why they decided to end their marriages. That study also found that adultery wasn't the most cited reason for divorce in the United States. 73 percent of couples used in their study blamed their divorces on a "lack of commitment" and 56 percent cited the reason for divorce as being due to too much arguing.

[Janibel]

Good article, and I'm not surprised at all by the results. Adultery used to be the number one cause of divorce - not anymore. Nowadays it's more likely irreconcilable differences, sexual incompatibility, financial squabbles or in my case: 'ex-so-bat$hitcrazy-can't-handle-it-anymoreitis'.

[DowntroddenDad]

I think, should we ever decide to have a party, after a few beverages we could play a nice round of whose ex is crazier. I know mine did some pretty crazy things, and I lost all trust and respect for her. She kicked me out, but it was for the best in the end. I should thank her.

I have said it before, and I know it may seem controversial, but I think in many cases adultery is a symptom of a bigger issue, but it is often a sign that things have gone so far that it is too late to recover from.

[FB_]

I think, should we ever decide to have a party, after a few beverages we could play a nice round of whose ex is crazier. I know mine did some pretty crazy things, and I lost all trust and respect for her. She kicked me out, but it was for the best in the end. I should thank her.

I have said it before, and I know it may seem controversial, but I think in many cases adultery is a symptom of a bigger issue, but it is often a sign that things have gone so far that it is too late to recover from.

In my case adultery by my ex was absolutely a symptom of a bigger issue. Unfortunately the bigger issue couldn't be dealt with because she refused to go back on her bi-polar meds, which in it self was one of the issues. In the end she went hypomanic screwed everything in sight and then ended up in the hospital for 6 weeks. There was no recovering from that.

[Pursuinghappiness]

Nowadays it's more likely irreconcilable differences, sexual incompatibility, financial squabbles or in my case: 'ex-so-bat$hitcrazy-can't-handle-it-anymoreitis'.

lol...

My ex didn't realize that slavery had ended...or he was trying to revive it.

I have said it before, and I know it may seem controversial, but I think in many cases adultery is a symptom of a bigger issue, but it is often a sign that things have gone so far that it is too late to recover from.

Controversial or not...it sounds valid. The sexual problems that couples have in marriage are often a symptom of lack of intimacy and partnering in everything else they do.

I read an article a while back about the varying reasons that women cheat vs the reasons men cheat. The thing that struck me as interesting is that more often men will cheat and still want to stay in the marriage but more often when women cheat, they want the marriage to end.

[Links17]

The new feminist BS is that when women cheat is because men don't meet their needs and when men cheat it is because they are sex addicts.

This was a study by the National Fatherhood Institute - I'd hardly trust it as not having an agenda.

The "unreasonable behaviour" response lumps together 500 items including financial mismanagement, family relations, children relations, sexual relations because at the end cheating is an "unreasonable" behaviour isn't it?

Irreconcilable differences is what celebrity use to preserve their reputations...

[FB_]

There is no denying a successful marriage requires a lot of work from BOTH parties.

Being "one" and individuals at the same time is difficult. Throw in kids, jobs, extra curricular and you run out of hours, something has to give.

[Janibel]

I think, should we ever decide to have a party, after a few beverages we could play a nice round of whose ex is crazier.

I'd win hands down (though it's nothing I would be proud of). My ex no doubt needed some kind medication and for years I begged him to consult with a professional in the hopes of getting him a proper diagnosis . I suspect he had some form of mild schizophrenia though it was never treated.

The last couple of years I felt like I was living with Dr Jekyll and Mr Hide - like who are you today? Love can conquer many things, but not mental disorders. I was afraid of him, never knew what to expect ...

He threatened my lawyer in front of many witness', faked a suicide attempt and was last seen taking to himself in a local bar .... he's not well at all.

[FB_]

I'd win hands down (though it's nothing I would be proud of). My ex no doubt needed some kind medication and for years I begged him to consult with a professional in the hopes of getting him a proper diagnosis . I suspect he had some form of mild schizophrenia though it was never treated.

The last couple of years I felt like I was living with Dr Jekyll and Mr Hide - like who are you today? Love can conquer many things, but not mental disorders. I was afraid of him, never knew what to expect ...

He threatened my lawyer in front of many witness', faked a suicide attempt and was last seen taking to himself in a local bar .... he's not well at all.

Did he spent 6 weeks in a mental hospital? Mine did. That is what you call certifiable....

I'm not trying to TOP you by the way...just having fun with this.

[Janibel]

Did he spent 6 weeks in a mental hospital? Mine did. That is what you call certifiable....

I'm not trying to TOP you by the way...just having fun with this.

Well, at the very least, you 'knew' that something was wrong, so in a way that helps to deal with the guilt associated with leaving them.

Also my Ex was way bigger than me ... you get the picture.

[wretchedotis]

I read an article a while back about the varying reasons that women cheat vs the reasons men cheat. The thing that struck me as interesting is that more often men will cheat and still want to stay in the marriage but more often when women cheat, they want the marriage to end.

If you can recall where, I think I would like to check it out.

[DowntroddenDad]

I'd win hands down (though it's nothing I would be proud of). My ex no doubt needed some kind medication and for years I begged him to consult with a professional in the hopes of getting him a proper diagnosis . I suspect he had some form of mild schizophrenia though it was never treated.

The last couple of years I felt like I was living with Dr Jekyll and Mr Hide - like who are you today? Love can conquer many things, but not mental disorders. I was afraid of him, never knew what to expect ...

He threatened my lawyer in front of many witness', faked a suicide attempt and was last seen taking to himself in a local bar .... he's not well at all.

My ex faked a delibiltating and progressive illness (right when we had agreed she return to the workforce). She did see various psychiatrists and psychologists but had them convinced of many things that didn't exist. She must have been diagnosed at some point but hid it from me.

She made up charming stories about being born in Africa, going to ballet training in New York as a teen where she permanently injured her knee, and many other woppers. She had me convinced of many things that turned out to all be attention seeking behaviours and flat out lies. I knew counselling wouldn't work.

It got to the point where if I went to her church I would hear things from her friends that I also knew weren't true and I was afraid to say anything. There are some items I won't mention that are worse.

So I lost all confidence and trust. I felt I was being manipulated all the time. She engineered the event that caused the fight that lead to separation. She engineered the issues that caused her to kick her son out to live with me. Both things were for the best in the end, but more painful than they had to be. (in the first event physically painful, she did draw blood with her fingernails in my arm).

[Pursuinghappiness]

I suspect he had some form of mild schizophrenia though it was never treated.

I'm not sure what the heck was wrong with my ex but he started to do really strange things. Like hiding food in his bedroom..like a squirrel. And it certainly wasn't because there was a shortage of food in our house. I always keep a stocked pantry and love to cook.

He then suddenly started separating out his own and one of the kid's laundry from the rest and washing it separately. For some reason, he only did it with one kid.

And he started getting wierdly OCD about his daily outings. He'd have to go to certain places and have to go in a certain order. He also had issues sitting still for any length of time. We couldn't go to movies at the end of our marriage because he was unable to sit in one place for any length of time.

Just bizarre, douchey behavior and if I suggested that he might want to go see his doctor or a therapist maybe, he'd freak out and start yelling and getting insulting. I just gave up trying to bother talking to him about it and would just do my best to avoid him.

[Pursuinghappiness]

This was a study by the National Fatherhood Institute - I'd hardly trust it as not having an agenda.

No it wasn't...they simply cited a previous study from the National Fatherhood institute that also claimed that infidelity was no longer stated as the #1 reason for divorce. If you read the article, it said the following:

The study was conducted by the United Kingdom's Cooperative Legal Services which studied divorce trends in the U.K. for the fast four decades. Their research found that couples now filing for divorce cited "unreasonable behavior" in 47 percent of divorce cases.

The new feminist BS is that when women cheat is because men don't meet their needs and when men cheat it is because they are sex addicts.

I'd consider myself a feminist since I believe in equal rights for women and I've never heard nor do I believe any such thing.

Maybe you've been to a lot of feminist meetings that I missed where they discussed this as a topic.

[Janibel]

if I suggested that he might want to go see his doctor or a therapist maybe, he'd freak out and start yelling and getting insulting. I just gave up trying to bother talking to him about it and would just do my best to avoid him.

That's the worst part, wanting desperately to help them - and hopefully save the marriage if possible. My ex was the same, if I dared to suggest that he needed help, he would either storm out angry or get violent. I gave up on him, there was no alternative.