Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Venting away.

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #16
    Originally posted by involveddad75 View Post
    No they haven't, When a parent gets the impression that they are nothing but a wallet then they lose interest.

    Take a look at a car your friend gets, it's your friends not yours, you don't have any say in it, you don't have any interest in it.

    I believe that the father was rail roaded by the private assessor. I would be extremely interested in who the social worker and private assessor was? Are you willing to give their names. So that others can avoid them?

    The private assessor was actually great help considering all the issues. She worked with us for over two months. I found that her recommendations were on point considering S7's emotional and academic struggles.

    I would suggest you do as tayken notes, but doesn't suggest.
    How about doing a trial run for 2 months where you share the child 50/50 and see how things change.

    The access changed six months ago, prior to this we were at 50/50 or Monday to Monday for a year. What ended up happening is S7's was diagnosed with ADHD and a possible learning disability, exhibiting behaviors in both home and school. These behaviors were at times very aggressive. Ex chose not to be implicated in any of the school meetings, plans, follow ups. He maintained that S7's struggles were non existent (even though the T.A. had all scratch marks to prove it, other kids were also asked to leave the class room and created multiple social impacts for S7.) We were both on the same page when it came to medication, we didn`t want S7 on it but the aggression worsen to a point where we were getting constant calls from the school and S7 . I offered multiple avenues, diet changes, natural supplements, therapy and tutoring,home schooling, private schooling, Ex snuffed it all. I implemented all of these, other than home or private schooling, in our home. But S7`s issues progressed. I chose (after 6 months of ongoing struggles) to get a script. Ex was angry but it noticeably reduced all of the above mentioned issues.


    Your access schedule is your typical access schedule of what I call a biased schedule. Friday at 4pm to mon at 9am, every other week. and mondays from 4pm to tuesday at 9am?
    Question does the father have to make lunch for the child on the monday or do you drop it off at the school????

    Yes, he still makes his lunches.

    If the child is sick all weekend on his weekend does he drop the child off to you on monday morning at 9am or does he keep them home during the day? If the answer is he keeps them or wants to keep them, then he is a good parent, if you insist in him bringing the child back to you then you are part of the problem.

    This hasn`t happened yet but on PD days, he`s responsible for him until Tuesdays 9PM. I`ve had a clause added in our CO that states that should ex address his emotional reactivity, stress levels, drug use and negativity towards me, then we can move forward with a Friday to Friday access. There is also a clause for additional access during summer months.

    A child needs to understand that both parents are able to look after them when they are sick, that they are capable of comforting him. If they don't as they grow older their friends become more important and access parents become inconveniences to their personal lives.
    The fact that you are given custody or access from 9am monday to 4pm monday completely points to a fact that even though you don't see him you have control of him when he is in school and I believe it is wrong.
    And it based solely on giving zero say to the access parent.

    The conflict between him and I is not new, we`ve been separated for 6 years. Ex`s had multiple years to straighten himself out. There has also been times where police have escorted me to my car, work place (last time being at Court house) as ex becomes quite aggressive and distraught. As of now, it`s incessant SMS messages, at times criticizing,belittling me or my parenting. No you understand why he`s not in a position to make decisions or S7`s well being.


    You want him to be more involved?
    Do you really want him to be more involved? then give it to him.

    He`s had multiple opportunities, and I won`t continue pushing on or giving him the benefit of doubt that he will choose that. Although his SMS from yesterday stated that he would be calling my cell to wish S7 goodnight, every night, that I better answer or else. Funny because as per CO, we split our March Break and exchange on Wednesday (he`s unaware of this as last night he proposed to keep S7 until Tuesday).

    I finish this with some homework for you.
    Look up Edward Kruk (professor)
    http://www.fira.ca/cms/documents/181/April7_Kruk.pdf
    Read it from back to front, and understand it.

    I will certainly read it! Thank you for the resources, I really appreciate it and your take on this.

    Then read his other papers.

    Now I have vented.
    Great vent

    Comment


    • #17
      Originally posted by Tayken View Post
      To solve the communications platform, what you do is you copy and paste the exact text messages (that are actually relevant and deserve a reply) into OFW and respond via the platform. You don't respond via SMS. That way you are complying with the court order (or agreement) and are responding to the other parent. If they don't log in and read the messages - they are the ones at fault.


      Tayken

      The SMS communications continued up until last night, even after I copy pasted the same 'This is not an emergency, I have replied on OFW'.

      He maintains that he will not use OFW. Is this grounds for restraining order or peace bond? I'm doing the best I can but when I reply with the above message, he gets angrier and belittling, this has been going on since I`ve posted my initial message.

      Comment


      • #18
        Originally posted by arabian View Post
        A good parent pays child support in a timely manner. No exceptions IMO.
        Agreed, but there are no repercussions when they don`t or it takes an eternity for FRO to engage and by then, parents know that if they make a mediocre payment, they`re safe for another few months. Arrgghhh!

        Comment


        • #19
          One reason it takes so long is that there are MANY deadbeats for these enforcement agencies to deal with.

          Comment


          • #20
            Originally posted by arabian View Post
            One reason it takes so long is that there are MANY deadbeats for these enforcement agencies to deal with.
            Another sad reality...I'm happy I have steady income and can support myself and my family. But it blows my mind that I have to enforce a payment of arrears that's been outstanding since 2013-14... I have to apply pressure on a worker that has little to no resources and who works for a ministry that won't hire additional workers for case management. There are so many cases like mine, as per the Ombudsman Office... Puke!

            Comment


            • #21
              Originally posted by arabian View Post
              A good parent pays child support in a timely manner. No exceptions IMO.
              In the real world, matters are rarely black or white.

              Sometimes, it is useful in life to recognize people who are often incapable of independent rational thought. A good litmus test is to seek out the phrase "no exceptions". Almost without exception, it is safe to completely ignore anybody who makes a claim that a statement holds true without exception.

              "No abortion, no exceptions"

              "No tax is a good tax, no exceptions"

              "Banks are evil, no exceptions"

              If you cannot conceive of a situation where your reasoning fails, it is likely that you have not thoroughly thought through the subject.

              Comment


              • #22
                MY OPINION is that children come first wrt child support.

                I have no pity/sympathy for deadbeats whatsoever. Deadbeats can appeal to the maintenance enforcement agency and/or have their orders changed.

                Yes I have indeed thought this out. A deadbeat is a deadbeat.

                Comment


                • #23
                  Originally posted by arabian View Post
                  A good parent pays child support in a timely manner. No exceptions IMO.
                  Guess I'm a poor parent then, having never paid child support once in nearly 4 years. The arrears might be closing in on $50 by now!

                  As stated before, nothings ever black and white like that statement implies. If I showed up each month at the Ex's door with a $1 cheque she would laugh. Well the first few months anyways, after which it would get old and doors would be closed in my face.

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Inquiring Mind???

                    Soiled. Can we inquire as to why you have never paid child support?

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Sure. Court order is for Offset Child Support. If I remember the figures right, she is to pay me $1072 per month, and I am to pay her $1073 per month. Offset amount of $1 per month, payable by me, to her.

                      Neither of us wanted child support in the agreement as we are both of the agreement we should be self supporting and involved in each others lives/finances as little as possible post divorce. However lawyers/judge forced us to put it in. We've chosen to ignore it. Perhaps one day it will bite me in the ass and she will come for it retroactively, but at this amount I'm not exactly scared.

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Originally posted by Soiled View Post
                        Sure. Court order is for Offset Child Support. If I remember the figures right, she is to pay me $1072 per month, and I am to pay her $1073 per month. Offset amount of $1 per month, payable by me, to her.

                        Neither of us wanted child support in the agreement as we are both of the agreement we should be self supporting and involved in each others lives/finances as little as possible post divorce. However lawyers/judge forced us to put it in. We've chosen to ignore it. Perhaps one day it will bite me in the ass and she will come for it retroactively, but at this amount I'm not exactly scared.
                        And it's been like this for four years, without any annual adjustments? The amount may have changed, and be worth worrying about.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          If I'm not mistaken, based on other threads I've read, you generally can't request retroactive adjustmenrs prior to the date at which they actually ask for the adjustment... Hopefully I wrote that in a manner which makes sense.

                          That aside, the reality is that for the last year or two I think she now makes a small amount more than me, and would possibly be on the hook for 2 or 3 bucks a month to me.

                          To spice it up further, she's in the military and likely headed to Iraq for 6-8 months in May. If I really wanted to be a dick and play games I'm sure it's possible to go after her for full rate child support, with her at a significantly higher than normal income level, for that period. As stated in my last post however, we both believe in being financially independent of each other.

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Technically, if you both knew your income increased and you didnt advise then you acted in a blameworthy manner and retro could be awarded.

                            The bottom line is that cs is the right of the child and BOTH parents should be acting in a manner that benefits the children. Regardless of how you feel about being financially independent, the kids are still dependent on you both and should benefit from the changes in BOTH your incomes. Its a really loose argument and while it works for your situation, someone else reading that may say "well some anonymous poster on the internet said it was this way so thats how Im going to take it".

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Technichally having an increase in income and not knowing about it would be extremely rare, so your argument could be applied against just about all cases.

                              That people can argue the case for a dollar or two per month without being tongue in cheek, choking, or rolling their eyes, speaks volumes about why lawyers love family law and make so much money off of it.

                              This has gone off on a pretty far tangent though. If I have the time later I may post my background story and then people can poke holes in how I'm doing things there.

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Nice Agreement!

                                Soiled: Sounds like your situation is set. No use stirring the pot for a few dollars here and there. If everyone is happy, so be it. Wish my situation could be as simple!!

                                Comment

                                Our Divorce Forums
                                Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                                Working...
                                X