Originally posted by involveddad75
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No they haven't, When a parent gets the impression that they are nothing but a wallet then they lose interest.
Take a look at a car your friend gets, it's your friends not yours, you don't have any say in it, you don't have any interest in it.
I believe that the father was rail roaded by the private assessor. I would be extremely interested in who the social worker and private assessor was? Are you willing to give their names. So that others can avoid them?
The private assessor was actually great help considering all the issues. She worked with us for over two months. I found that her recommendations were on point considering S7's emotional and academic struggles.
I would suggest you do as tayken notes, but doesn't suggest.
How about doing a trial run for 2 months where you share the child 50/50 and see how things change.
The access changed six months ago, prior to this we were at 50/50 or Monday to Monday for a year. What ended up happening is S7's was diagnosed with ADHD and a possible learning disability, exhibiting behaviors in both home and school. These behaviors were at times very aggressive. Ex chose not to be implicated in any of the school meetings, plans, follow ups. He maintained that S7's struggles were non existent (even though the T.A. had all scratch marks to prove it, other kids were also asked to leave the class room and created multiple social impacts for S7.) We were both on the same page when it came to medication, we didn`t want S7 on it but the aggression worsen to a point where we were getting constant calls from the school and S7 . I offered multiple avenues, diet changes, natural supplements, therapy and tutoring,home schooling, private schooling, Ex snuffed it all. I implemented all of these, other than home or private schooling, in our home. But S7`s issues progressed. I chose (after 6 months of ongoing struggles) to get a script. Ex was angry but it noticeably reduced all of the above mentioned issues.
Your access schedule is your typical access schedule of what I call a biased schedule. Friday at 4pm to mon at 9am, every other week. and mondays from 4pm to tuesday at 9am?
Question does the father have to make lunch for the child on the monday or do you drop it off at the school????
Yes, he still makes his lunches.
If the child is sick all weekend on his weekend does he drop the child off to you on monday morning at 9am or does he keep them home during the day? If the answer is he keeps them or wants to keep them, then he is a good parent, if you insist in him bringing the child back to you then you are part of the problem.
This hasn`t happened yet but on PD days, he`s responsible for him until Tuesdays 9PM. I`ve had a clause added in our CO that states that should ex address his emotional reactivity, stress levels, drug use and negativity towards me, then we can move forward with a Friday to Friday access. There is also a clause for additional access during summer months.
A child needs to understand that both parents are able to look after them when they are sick, that they are capable of comforting him. If they don't as they grow older their friends become more important and access parents become inconveniences to their personal lives.
The fact that you are given custody or access from 9am monday to 4pm monday completely points to a fact that even though you don't see him you have control of him when he is in school and I believe it is wrong.
And it based solely on giving zero say to the access parent.
The conflict between him and I is not new, we`ve been separated for 6 years. Ex`s had multiple years to straighten himself out. There has also been times where police have escorted me to my car, work place (last time being at Court house) as ex becomes quite aggressive and distraught. As of now, it`s incessant SMS messages, at times criticizing,belittling me or my parenting. No you understand why he`s not in a position to make decisions or S7`s well being.
You want him to be more involved?
Do you really want him to be more involved? then give it to him.
He`s had multiple opportunities, and I won`t continue pushing on or giving him the benefit of doubt that he will choose that. Although his SMS from yesterday stated that he would be calling my cell to wish S7 goodnight, every night, that I better answer or else. Funny because as per CO, we split our March Break and exchange on Wednesday (he`s unaware of this as last night he proposed to keep S7 until Tuesday).
I finish this with some homework for you.
Look up Edward Kruk (professor)
http://www.fira.ca/cms/documents/181/April7_Kruk.pdf
Read it from back to front, and understand it.
I will certainly read it! Thank you for the resources, I really appreciate it and your take on this.
Then read his other papers.
Now I have vented.
Take a look at a car your friend gets, it's your friends not yours, you don't have any say in it, you don't have any interest in it.
I believe that the father was rail roaded by the private assessor. I would be extremely interested in who the social worker and private assessor was? Are you willing to give their names. So that others can avoid them?
The private assessor was actually great help considering all the issues. She worked with us for over two months. I found that her recommendations were on point considering S7's emotional and academic struggles.
I would suggest you do as tayken notes, but doesn't suggest.
How about doing a trial run for 2 months where you share the child 50/50 and see how things change.
The access changed six months ago, prior to this we were at 50/50 or Monday to Monday for a year. What ended up happening is S7's was diagnosed with ADHD and a possible learning disability, exhibiting behaviors in both home and school. These behaviors were at times very aggressive. Ex chose not to be implicated in any of the school meetings, plans, follow ups. He maintained that S7's struggles were non existent (even though the T.A. had all scratch marks to prove it, other kids were also asked to leave the class room and created multiple social impacts for S7.) We were both on the same page when it came to medication, we didn`t want S7 on it but the aggression worsen to a point where we were getting constant calls from the school and S7 . I offered multiple avenues, diet changes, natural supplements, therapy and tutoring,home schooling, private schooling, Ex snuffed it all. I implemented all of these, other than home or private schooling, in our home. But S7`s issues progressed. I chose (after 6 months of ongoing struggles) to get a script. Ex was angry but it noticeably reduced all of the above mentioned issues.
Your access schedule is your typical access schedule of what I call a biased schedule. Friday at 4pm to mon at 9am, every other week. and mondays from 4pm to tuesday at 9am?
Question does the father have to make lunch for the child on the monday or do you drop it off at the school????
Yes, he still makes his lunches.
If the child is sick all weekend on his weekend does he drop the child off to you on monday morning at 9am or does he keep them home during the day? If the answer is he keeps them or wants to keep them, then he is a good parent, if you insist in him bringing the child back to you then you are part of the problem.
This hasn`t happened yet but on PD days, he`s responsible for him until Tuesdays 9PM. I`ve had a clause added in our CO that states that should ex address his emotional reactivity, stress levels, drug use and negativity towards me, then we can move forward with a Friday to Friday access. There is also a clause for additional access during summer months.
A child needs to understand that both parents are able to look after them when they are sick, that they are capable of comforting him. If they don't as they grow older their friends become more important and access parents become inconveniences to their personal lives.
The fact that you are given custody or access from 9am monday to 4pm monday completely points to a fact that even though you don't see him you have control of him when he is in school and I believe it is wrong.
And it based solely on giving zero say to the access parent.
The conflict between him and I is not new, we`ve been separated for 6 years. Ex`s had multiple years to straighten himself out. There has also been times where police have escorted me to my car, work place (last time being at Court house) as ex becomes quite aggressive and distraught. As of now, it`s incessant SMS messages, at times criticizing,belittling me or my parenting. No you understand why he`s not in a position to make decisions or S7`s well being.
You want him to be more involved?
Do you really want him to be more involved? then give it to him.
He`s had multiple opportunities, and I won`t continue pushing on or giving him the benefit of doubt that he will choose that. Although his SMS from yesterday stated that he would be calling my cell to wish S7 goodnight, every night, that I better answer or else. Funny because as per CO, we split our March Break and exchange on Wednesday (he`s unaware of this as last night he proposed to keep S7 until Tuesday).
I finish this with some homework for you.
Look up Edward Kruk (professor)
http://www.fira.ca/cms/documents/181/April7_Kruk.pdf
Read it from back to front, and understand it.
I will certainly read it! Thank you for the resources, I really appreciate it and your take on this.
Then read his other papers.
Now I have vented.
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