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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 10-18-2018, 12:23 PM
Tired_Dad Tired_Dad is offline
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Default Uncontested Divorce

Good day all!
I'm in a very weird scenario and was looking for some additional guidance. I've been separated for almost 2 years and have been trying to get my ex to finalize things, so I can move on with my life. I left my ex and the kids in the house and tried to remain amicable. After a year, I asked for us to finalize our finances and go our separate ways. At first my ex was accepting, but soon realized that it was all a delay tactic. Since then, I've been living in a basement, slowly trying to counter act the alienation my ex has been subliminally putting on my kids and had to retain counsel to assist me (as I'm no lawyer and don't claim to be). My issue here is that my ex failed to respond to the application within the 30 days (after numerous attempts of avoiding this path), submitted an affidavit for uncontested divorce, judge replied that we should inform the other party of our motion to move forward without my ex, sent registered mail (didn't pick it up), had my ex served and refused to respond within the timeline that the judge put out, hearing set next month and curious about how this will play out. My lawyer hasn't instilled a lot of confidence as of late, as he's told me he's never had this happen before and doesn't know how this may play out. Any idea how this will go at the hearing? Just looking for some kind of guidance. I've been living below the poverty line since I left, paying CS, family debt (until the equity can be used to wipe it out) and had to place myself into more financial hardship to assist me long term. Thank you all for your time
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Old 10-18-2018, 02:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tired_Dad View Post
Good day all!
I'm in a very weird scenario and was looking for some additional guidance. I've been separated for almost 2 years and have been trying to get my ex to finalize things, so I can move on with my life. I left my ex and the kids in the house and tried to remain amicable. After a year, I asked for us to finalize our finances and go our separate ways. At first my ex was accepting, but soon realized that it was all a delay tactic. Since then, I've been living in a basement, slowly trying to counter act the alienation my ex has been subliminally putting on my kids and had to retain counsel to assist me (as I'm no lawyer and don't claim to be). My issue here is that my ex failed to respond to the application within the 30 days (after numerous attempts of avoiding this path), submitted an affidavit for uncontested divorce, judge replied that we should inform the other party of our motion to move forward without my ex, sent registered mail (didn't pick it up), had my ex served and refused to respond within the timeline that the judge put out, hearing set next month and curious about how this will play out. My lawyer hasn't instilled a lot of confidence as of late, as he's told me he's never had this happen before and doesn't know how this may play out. Any idea how this will go at the hearing? Just looking for some kind of guidance. I've been living below the poverty line since I left, paying CS, family debt (until the equity can be used to wipe it out) and had to place myself into more financial hardship to assist me long term. Thank you all for your time
I feel your pain bro, I would rather leave this country than living in a hell biased judicial family system. Even animals has rights here. When it comes to PAS be prepared for a long long marathon, don't be naive, the way it looks your ex is taking steps to erase you from your children's life. It's happening to me now. If I'd be you I would not leave the matrimonial home before divorce happened and with a final custody and access order in place. What you just did you had created a status quo which is very hard now to surmount. Basically she'll have sole custody of the kids, big mistake my friend. Good luck.

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Old 10-18-2018, 02:35 PM
Tired_Dad Tired_Dad is offline
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I thank you for your comments. I'm in a bit of a different situation. My kids are older (over 16) and are starting to come around. My ex seems to have less control than before and is drawing at straws now. Because my ex hasn't answered the application, refused to respond (even after a judges letter which was served upon my ex), it looks like I'm going to be going to an uncontested divorce hearing with just me, my lawyer and the judge. I'm going for the sale of the home, division of family property, joint custody and have my ex pay all the legal fees (due to my ex's lack of cooperation and/or negotiation). I know this is a tactic to move my kids further from me (as it's been brought up already). My question is this... Since my ex is not participating or asking for anything, will my ex be automatically appointed SS? Is there any legal precedence that states the children cannot be moved X km's away without approval from both parents? I know I have a bumpy road, as my children will blame me for the sale of the home (but I can't live in a cardboard box... I need to move on with my life), but I'm prepared to deal with them and let them know they will always have a place under my roof if need be. All their family, friends, school, etc... is in the area and moving them away is not in their best interest. Any idea how an "uncontested hearing" may go in this situation? Thanks in advance.
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Old 10-18-2018, 03:01 PM
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Originally Posted by Tired_Dad View Post
I left my ex and the kids in the house and tried to remain amicable.
That is when you lost your case.

Quote:
Since then, I've been living in a basement, slowly trying to counter act the alienation my ex has been subliminally putting on my kids
You abandoned your kids. She doesn't have to be subliminal at all. "Your Dad left you... look around, it is true!"

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had my ex served and refused to respond within the timeline that the judge put out, hearing set next month and curious about how this will play out.
Likely result: She will respond before the "hearing" next month.
Less likely result: You win uncontested! Booyah.

Note that even if you win your ex will freak out and seek to get that ruling overturned, likely successfully. You are a non-custodial parent who voluntarily left his kids. In a nutshell, you are going to lose, one way or the other. You might not have to pay costs due to her behavior, but that will be the extent of your "win".

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I've been living below the poverty line since I left, paying CS, family debt (until the equity can be used to wipe it out) and had to place myself into more financial hardship to assist me long term. Thank you all for your time
You do not have the kids, the court could not care less about your personal financial situation. Only the kids matter. Expect to continue to live in poverty.

Note for the future: Don't abandon your kids.
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Old 10-18-2018, 03:11 PM
Tired_Dad Tired_Dad is offline
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Thank you for your comments. I would just like to clarify that I left to keep the peace. I was being verbally attacked, in front or within ear shot of the kids. This is not the best scenario for anyone and is mentally and emotionally draining. I had a safe place to go (my parents basement) and I talked with the kids and pleaded my case. They thought it best for me to go as well... to allow my ex to cool down. Just my cents.
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Old 10-18-2018, 03:44 PM
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Originally Posted by Tired_Dad View Post
Thank you for your comments. I would just like to clarify that I left to keep the peace. I was being verbally attacked, in front or within ear shot of the kids. This is not the best scenario for anyone and is mentally and emotionally draining. I had a safe place to go (my parents basement) and I talked with the kids and pleaded my case. They thought it best for me to go as well... to allow my ex to cool down. Just my cents.
Sorry man for being judgemental with my comments. Every case is different. To respond to your "moving clause" the rule of thumb is 30min away from kids school, this is what OCL recommended in our case.
The fact that your kids are big now it's a no brainer for you, , there is no chance for your ex to alienate them from you now, and to be honest I'm happy for you that you took the courage to escape from such a toxic environment, good for you. I was in the same situation as yours, it was nasty lately, 6 years ago, my ex flew with the kids to a women battered shelter, claiming abuse, which in fact I was the one abused, countless false allegations, being taped, recorded, calling the cops on me on several occasions and so on. So she created this status quo by lies and deceit and finally got custody of the kids. Now her goal is to erase me from children's life, but we'll see how her plans plays out in court. These alienators attend same school classes religiously lol.

In your affidavit you need to mention that you were emotionally abused by your ex in front of the children and now you're seeking an uncontested divorce, your ex was served and you didn't receive a response yet, she has 4 days before the motion to respond. Attach proof of serving the documents to your affidavit. It should be straight forward, if she didn't retain a lawyer than she may not contest it.

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Old 10-18-2018, 04:33 PM
Tired_Dad Tired_Dad is offline
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Thank you again for your comments and appreciate you position as well. I'm sorry you've gone through (and are going through) all of your ordeal. I recommend a simple book (Dealing with a Toxic Ex). It's very helpful and gives you tools on how to deal with your kids and you ex efficiently and objectively. I tried a few things a long time ago and it worked right off the hop. It really shows you how to be a better parent to your kids and how not to engage your toxic ex. I found it extremely helpful, and it has worksheets in it as well . There's a lot more to my case, but don't want to divulge too much online (as my ex may be monitoring these types of sites). I welcome more feedback from anyone who can guide me I've developed pretty thick skin after all this!
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Old 10-19-2018, 11:23 AM
TheDailyDad TheDailyDad is offline
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Hopefully it works out well for you, but I can tell you from personal experience that a toxic ex can never be amicable. You have to understand that, just because they're being toxic with you does not mean they will not be toxic with your children. Normal (non personality-disordered individuals) cannot easily separate their emotions. A therapist would probably diagnose that as being bipolar. Because of your kids' ages, I wouldn't be surprised that they start challenging your ex, knowing that they can play both sides.


A judge isn't going to like the fact that you moved out and left your children with a toxic ex. They could use the SS as a way to punish you. Just a forewarning not to be surprised. Hopefully if your kids understand what's going on, they can make their own informed decisions about what they want to do as they will have a voice at their age.
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