Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Support groups for dads going through divorce. Do they exist?

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #16
    Dadthatshadenough: Kawasaki demonstrates my point. Chances are, his jack-ass mentality is a dime a dozen on the dad's only forums. I'm sorry - did I say "jack ass?" Ooops. I meant "way below average intelligence."

    On this forum (with the unfortunate exception of a few) there are many valuable, intelligent opinions and points of views, offered by Men and Women.

    Comment


    • #17
      seems men asking where to find support groups really sets the mood for a hot topic

      i wonder if mens groups got funding maybe they could improve their image

      google 'status of women in canada national judicial institute'
      the 'status of women in canada' is government funded , the 'national judicial institute' is where Judges in Canada get training , your google should return that the 'status of women in canada' is constantly presenting materials to the Institute - even on epidemic's in our society like 'poligimay'

      women concerns in this country are put right on the desk of those training Judges - the Judges making decisions in court rooms everyday ...

      so why get so excited about a few men sitting around a light bulb of which one of them is paying for to exchange information and idea's how to improve their situation's ...

      just saying ...


      here's the last topic i remember where someone was looking for a mens support group ...

      http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...-groups-10739/

      Comment


      • #18
        Originally posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
        Women do not have an advantage in family court aside from the fact that more women do more of the childrearing DURING marriage and have an established status quo which helps during divorce.
        So if one parent childbears (not the guy!), she is more important to the children?

        A woman who stays home is told she was disadvantaged by staying home. Yet she is given the advantage in custody because she stayed home. Would mothers and the new kid survive staying at home without the other partner working? Seems to me the working partner kept the baby and mother from dying of hunger. Isn't that just as important as changing diapers?

        Comment


        • #19
          I can only base my opinion on personal experience and also what I have seen happen with other fathers in family court. I believe there is gender bias when it comes to family court and that the courts tend to base their decisions on the view that women are the primary care givers of the children and are more capable of looking after their needs.

          In my case, we had a court ordered agreement in place and my ex took me back to family court 5 months later seeking a ridiculous increase in child support. I have my kids 50% of the time (after an extended court battle) and pay a differential payment to my ex because my income was higher. I chose to make that differential payment in the form of child support rather than spousal support because at least there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Before hearing my side of the argument, the Judge stated "Mr. XXXX should be prepared to pay more than his current payments" and asked that we reach agreement outside court or it would be a very expensive trial. How does a Judge come to that conclusion without hearing oth sides if there is no inherent gender bias? I refused to agree to additional payments and my ex abandoned her claim.

          I would also like to add that a person's opinion(s) expressed in this forum cannot be dismissed off-hand based on the number of posts made. We all can be a little more tolerant in these matters without turning them into a personal attack on the writer.

          Comment


          • #20
            well i will throw my two cents in on this one..not sure about the court process yet and hope to avoid it but i do know for a FACT that when police are involved there is definatly a gender bias..experience 1st hand, even when i called them i almost went to jail!!??..i'm not in the GTA but a support group sure would help..to bad none in the barrie area

            Comment


            • #21
              Originally posted by Pilgrim11 View Post
              I can only base my opinion on personal experience and also what I have seen happen with other fathers in family court.

              If the "best interests" were in making a father the secondary parent, why would the following be statistically true?Could it be that fathers are important even if they aren't the one at home?

              Comment


              • #22
                Originally posted by AdTheDad View Post
                If the "best interests" were in making a father the secondary parent, why would the following be statistically true?Could it be that fathers are important even if they aren't the one at home?
                Excellent link, thanks for posting

                Comment


                • #23
                  Originally posted by hadenough View Post
                  But really? Bellyaching on a dad's only site with men who I would guess 90% of them are women bashing, seems beneath you. There is great info on this site. Men and women get screwed in court. Family Court is pure hell.
                  Bellyaching? Really?

                  I shared my experience, and ask about support forums for fathers and this is your help/reply?

                  It's obvious by the flurry of replies from dads and PM's I received that there is a gaping need for fathers to get some real support and share resources with one another. Its not about bashing woman, its about fathers helping each other out.

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    lol...This forum sometimes seriously cracks me up.

                    So if one parent childbears (not the guy!), she is more important to the children?
                    Um...talk about creating a strawman and arguing with yourself. You're guilty of some serious intellectual dishonesty there since I never said anything of the kind.

                    What I said is that traditionally women have statistically done the larger majority of childrearing. I'm not that old and I remember when I was a kid, you were a good dad if you went to work and maybe showed up for dinner. Things have and are changing. There is a much more modern push in the last 20 years for men to become more involved in their children's lives on a day-to-day basis.

                    The court is catching up too but I think its been slower. I've been to court several times and know many women in my same position that will tell you that the court really does try to ensure that both parents have an active chance to be involved with their children. Shared custody and access is becoming more and more favored in the family court system.

                    However, the court also tries to maintain a status quo. The argument is that in the case of a divorce between spouses, the children go through enough turmoil and change so they strive to keep things the same as much as possible. If its primarily been the mom that's done the large majority of childrearing in the home, the court will be more likely to try to keep this in place.

                    You can argue until you're blue about "status-quo" and I wouldn't necessarily disagree about some of it. Life is all about change and I don't think there's anything wrong with a child's life changing after divorce if it means a more substantial relationship with their father (or mother, if the father was the primary caregiver during marriage). I think these are actually the good changes that can come out of divorce.

                    The bottom line is that neither women or men have an easy time in family court...particularly if you're honest and don't try to "work" the system. The biggest issue with family court is that there's no real penalty for trying to cheat the system. The OP, for instance, is saying that his STBX is trying to say she was the primary caregiver when she wasn't...or you get women and men placing false charges or denying access...and nothing happens. The system is actually designed to encourage and reward cheaters and liars and that is where its flawed. Its not flawed because of gender.

                    The gender issue exists because of the roles that men and women have traditionally played in the household...and that's it. It is and will continue to change as roles change.

                    As a working woman, I can tell you many negatives of those historical role designations outside of family court that women deal with on a daily basis. (I won't even get into the fact that I'm also a visible minority). Frankly, listening to men bitch about gender bias in family court is kind of ironic to me. Seriously, get the hell over it since its your gender that created most of the family laws on the books.

                    Be reasonable in court, don't stoop to lies on affidavits, be a good parent and you'll have as good a chance as anyone else rolling the dice in the crap shoot that is family law. I've been honest during my divorce...I've told the truth on everything I've sworn...I haven't resorted to any devious methods of trickery to get what I want and I have faith that I'm going to come out of this mess ok....not because I'm female but because I'm a good parent. I would suggest all you big grown men do the same and find something else to whine about.
                    Last edited by Pursuinghappiness; 03-01-2012, 11:53 AM. Reason: ...spelling mistakes while laughing...

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Support for fathers

                      There are host of posts on this forum from those who would have us all believe that the courts are objective, that the courts listen to father and dispense justice objectively. What a load of rubbish. Fact is, family court is a cesspool of hatred towards men.

                      For those fathers who are looking for support, there are lots of web sites that are still up but the phone numbers have been out of action in some cases for over 10 years.

                      The only support group that I'm aware of that provides any real support and networking for fathers is the Ottawa Men's Center 613-797-3237 (797-DADS) Our primary goal is to stem the trend of suicide by men in divorce. Impartial attorney referrals, support group for men who are victims of false allegations, parental alienation and or gender bias. Email Ot Tel 613-797-3237 (797-DADS).

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        As per Dick Smith's Post: QUOTE: "Fact is, family court is a cesspool of hatred towards men."
                        "For those fathers who are looking for support, etc"

                        ***Seriously???! Get a life - THIS is yet another CLASSIC example of the drivel I was referring to. THIS is what I mean "dadthatshadenough" - total lunacy. I wonder if the support groups for men offer help for the extreme paranoia and other underlying psychological affects/disorders of the dads who are - what was the image? - gathered around a lightbulb "that one of them paid for" or some other horsesh-t to that effect (?!) There are intelligent men and women on this forum.

                        Both genders have experienced some pretty rough times dealing with their ex's and the Courts. This extreme fear/hate mongering is pathetic. It's too bad there's not better screening for who gets to post on here. Frightening.

                        Alas, some people truly are Hopeless. Not worth trying to get through to. Ignorance really is a dangerous thing. From what I gathered from "dadthats..etc" - he does not sound like someone who would want to become a recruit of this nonsense "cesspool of hate" mentality.
                        Last edited by hadenough; 03-01-2012, 06:15 PM.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Originally posted by hadenough View Post
                          "Fact is, family court is a cesspool of hatred towards men."
                          It's the BBV.
                          Watch out for it, they can get you anywhere!
                          Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Okay: I'm curious McDreamy - what is "BBV?" :/ :s

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Originally posted by hadenough View Post
                              Okay: I'm curious McDreamy - what is "BBV?" :/ :s
                              lol - Big Bad Vagina, of course!

                              it's a conspiracy.
                              Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Originally posted by mcdreamy View Post
                                lol - Big Bad Vagina, of course!

                                it's a conspiracy.
                                Is this another acronym created by Bill I believe...BMP-Bad Man Picker !

                                Dick-You are not representing the Ottawa Men's Center very well in this aspect. None of us will deny about horror stories, and examples in the past where it was swayed towards the female. It is changing thankfully, and I'm sure if someone took stats based on pre-2005, and compared from 05 until today you will see a big difference in custody.

                                It all boils down to individuals, and how personally responsible they are. I would (as many other moms who are here) deny our children from having equal access to both of us...this has been the 'status quo' since day 1 of our separation. 1 week with mom, 1 week with dad. I will be paying SS, and already pay for an uplift in CS to my ex husband. It's life, and fair (sure it's a bitter pill to swallow...but it is fair !). My ex is absolutely wicked most of the time...but I don't hate men because of this. That is one male in my life who is extremely difficult, and in turn I bend/flex a lot more than I probably should to keep the peace, and our children unaffected.

                                Many of us come here to help bounce ideas/thoughts from the opposite sex as well, to see if we are being fair or need to adjust our 'offers', and perhaps change our view of the situation.

                                Good luck with your support group...Did you attend there yourself after a separation/divorce ?

                                Comment

                                Our Divorce Forums
                                Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                                Working...
                                X