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Should I quit my job?

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  • Should I quit my job?

    I've been separated for 9 months and live with my boyfriend for 8 months. He was the main reason I left my husband, other small reasons being that my husband lost any interest in my persona long time ago and has not actually been loving and affectionate even at the beginning of our marriage. Lately, my boyfriend started complaining that everytime my child comes to live with us (I have a week-on, week-off agreement), my boyfriend feels depressed by the child's open hostility toward him and he didn't expect that our life together will be so unhappy in this regard. I've been a staying-at-home mom for 4 years, because my ex-husband couldn't allow his only child to be cared for by childcare workers. After separation I continued to be unemployed until last month, when I found an employment. Now my boyfriend helps me with taking my child to and from school and he looks after him while I'm at work. He does it for 10 days out of the month but insists that strained relationship with my child gives him a great mental discomfort. He wants me to quit my job and stay home again looking after the child. My child is not a baby, he's 9 years old, and I get a feeling that my whole life is spent in making my partners happy. For some reason, at first my ex-husband, then my boyfriend want me to be a housewife. Unfortunately, I can't afford this anymore, because I'm not a 20-year old girl with lots of life opportunities. I'm a middle-aged woman with no house of my own, no money in the bank, and no steady income. On the other hand, I really love my boyfriend and it hurts me to see him suffering. Should I quit my job and stay home to look after him and my child?

  • #2
    O888,

    It appears that your boyfriend may not accept that your are a mom and that your child is important to you. Your bf has to realize that perhaps the separation may be having an effect on your child and maybe blaming your bf for same.

    Ultimately the choice is yours and yours alone whether or not you choose to work and stay at home. There are benefits to working outside the home other than monetary.

    lv

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    • #3
      Well I'm sure your son is dealing with quite alot of changes in the past 9 months. His parents are no longer together and mom also introduced a new male figure in his life.

      Quite honestly I'm sure your son needs time to adjust, and if your boyfriend is having difficulty dealing with it, than quite possibly he's not the *one* for you and your son. Maybe you should have gradually introduced the new boyfriend.

      Maybe find a job that is able to be flexible in accomodating yours son's school schedule and that reduces the stress on your boyfriend.

      Good Luck! Its always easier to give others advice than to follow our same voice

      mominont

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      • #4
        Originally posted by logicalvelocity
        O888,

        It appears that your boyfriend may not accept that your are a mom and that your child is important to you. Your bf has to realize that perhaps the separation may be having an effect on your child and maybe blaming your bf for same.
        Yes, that's maybe the problem. You see, my boyfriend has never been married and doesn't have kids of his own. Generally, he's very good with kids, likes to play with them, talk to them, and he was pretty sure that he and my child will become friends. I can't understand why he was quite certain about that because the common sense should have told him that the child will blame him for being a reason for family breakup. I also can't understand why it is my responsibility to make my child to treat him in a friendly way. Is it actually possible to order the child to treat someone nicely and expect that the order will be followed? I did ask my child quite a few times to be nice to my boyfriend, told him that it hurts me that they are not friends, but my requests didn't change much in their relationship. In my opinion, if one can't change the environment, one should change his attitude toward environment, which means that instead of complaining about my child's behavior all the time, my boyfriend should come up with some ideas how to break the hostility barrier. I'm afraid that even if I quit my job to become a full-time peacemaker at home, the situation won't change to my boyfriend's satisfaction until he makes some effort on his part.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by mominont
          Maybe find a job that is able to be flexible in accomodating yours son's school schedule and that reduces the stress on your boyfriend.
          I forgot to mention that I am also taking college courses 3 nights a week and do some occasional private tutoring at my house. It is very hard to find a job that would accommodate my current schedule. Also, I hardly have any work experience to land a well paid job, so I was deliriously happy to get my current employment that pays in my opinion very well.

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          • #6
            O888

            be very careful when it comes to your child feelings..they can be hurt very easily...and no they wont tell you......trust me I have a now 12 year old and he has been doing this for years.......he goes to his dads every second weekend and comes home in bad mood and takes his issues out on me and my bf constantly........you have to try to understand where he stands......he may have rules with you and none at dads.......thats hard for a kid to deal with........try to put yourself in his shoes for a bit......as for leaving your husband for another man that has alot of implications in itself..your child thinks he is trying to replace his dad........your new bf has to be his friend not parental figure........you do the discipline and the praising not your bf.......trust me from experience........it makes life alot smoother...better all around........as for quitting thats a personal thing.......you would be giving up your independance........

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