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  • Okay, now its gettin diry!

    I posted a few days ago asking for advice on occupational rent. I didn't get any responses and now it has gone from bad to worse after offering this option. To recap our situation: 13 yr commonlaw, no children except my 24 yr old daughter lives with us and is a full time student with one yr left. The only asset in both our names is the mortgage, no joint bank accounts, rrsp or other investments. His debt is a 10k visa that he had transfered to a line of credit last summer when he broke his leg(pissed drunk again), my debt is 800.00 visa and about 1200.00 rrsp withdrawl for down payment on house that I have to repay. We are almost 4 years into a 5 yr mtg and will pay a 5k penalty to sell now. I don't want to sell now as this is my and my daughters home, rent for us will cost us $850.00 + H+H and everthing else. That would be about 80% of my monthly income. I am so pissed right now I don't where to turn I just know that I am not walking away from this one with nothing. He wants out like yesterday even if it means me and HIS step daughter live below the poverty line. I make 28k/yr and he makes about 42k, not a lot I know but he is going to walk away with his mistress smelling like a rose and my daughter and me will struggle. He even drives a company vehicle, which was my only transportation, for nothing. He doesn't claim it a benefit, and now I have to pay for transportation every month, something is wrong with this picture. Can I claim spousal support? Can he for me to sell and take the first offer that comes along, as he put it.
    Can some one please shed some light on this, please.

    P.

  • #2
    Perhaps if you strip away all of the vitriolic and useless info (nobody cares if he was drunk when he broke his leg), AND stopped with the "what can I take him for?" attitude, people will be more inclined to invest some effort in replying to you.

    Until then, good luck

    Cheers!

    Gary

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    • #3
      Confidential to Gary:

      You have learned well Grasshopper!!

      Welcome to the Club. Please sign your membership card before 4:00pm

      Comment


      • #4
        Bullies. *hmph*

        Comment


        • #5
          Reply To Gary M

          Gary, you are so right on your assessment of the situation and me. I appologize to any who have read my original post, I certainly did come acoss as vindictive.
          I need help more than I need enemies and I am not to full of myself to admit when I am wrong. I am in deep poop here and have no idea where to turn or even where to begin. I'm not even sure what information I would need to provide the readers in order for someone to point me in the right direction.
          I only have days to move on this as the pressure is building by the hour and communication with him is falling apart.
          I shall keep my eye on this thread over the next few hours in the hopes that someone will hear the sincerity in my appology and offer their opinion and words of wisdom.
          Thank you for listening

          Patricia

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          • #6
            You want to stay in the house however you would have to pay him for his half of the equalization. Where would you get the money?

            Not everyone can afford a house, home ownership is not a civil right. It may be that you could refinance or work out a compromise but this isn't something we can tell you how to do. To compromise with your ex you have to talk to him, not us.

            Your 24 year old daughter is an adult and should be contributing to her education and support. If the two of you end up living below the poverty line, she should be taking on weekend/evening work like many many people who PUT THEMSELVES through school do.

            You and your ex's incomes are comparable and you have been working so you don't have any clear entitlement to spousal support.

            You both have debt, he has much more than you. There is no formal equalization in a common law situation (other than the house which you jointly own) so I'm not sure how see it that you are somehow left with nothing and he is walking away with "something".

            Not to be harsh but the reality of your situation is that you are an independent adult capable of taking care of yourself, you only own half of your home and you can't just keep the entire thing, and your daughter should be contributing to your household if you are in such dire straights. Your ex's income is not high enough that you can expect the courts to provide you with anything here. It's possible that the courts would require him to contribute to the daughter's last year of education but the cost to you would probably exceed what he would pay out.

            If you want to remain in the home for a year until your daughter finishes school, it would probably take longer than that just to negotiate a settlement, so that isn't a huge issue if he is willing to be patient. If he's not, he would have to go to court to get an order for an immediate sale, this is work for him, you could easily make him an offer but no one can force him to accept it. Your best best is to be nice to him and ask politely.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by PGW View Post
              I only have days to move on this as the pressure is building by the hour and communication with him is falling apart.
              I shall keep my eye on this thread over the next few hours in the hopes that someone will hear the sincerity in my appology and offer their opinion and words of wisdom.
              The pressure is building because you are letting it build. Pressure is something you put on yourself as much as it is put on you externally.

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              • #8
                You cannot force him to work with you...your incomes are comparable, so you don't qualify for spousal, and there are no assets to equalize.

                If you want to stay in the home, you'd have to pay for everything....if you cannot, then you can't afford to live there and you need to look at other options. If your daughter is not contributing, she needs to be. At minimum room and board if she wants to continue to stay with you.

                No he does not have to work with you and yes he can get a court order to force the sale...however that will cost him $$$ and will take several months to do...then you have to list it/etc. So you can delay things for the better part of a year anyway.

                Your best bet is to play nice and try and work with him. Him cheating has no bearing on any of this. Perhaps if you were paying for everything with the home, he'd be more inclined to float it for the year. Your expectation that he contribute is unreasonable.

                Either work with him, buy him out of his share, or sell it.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by dadtotheend View Post
                  The pressure is building because you are letting it build. Pressure is something you put on yourself as much as it is put on you externally.
                  Sadly, no advice on the OP's situation ... but DTTE .. your quote REALLY struck a chord with me ... and something I'm dealing with RIGHT NOW.

                  Thank you for enforcing what I tell myself hourly it seems right now!

                  Comment

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