What are my options

[tmsrtl]

I'm going through the same thing, being a good father, loving my kids. But then, overnight, the day came and I was declared dangerous. Ocl involved, and I don't know why, but no more access recommended. My lawyer says stalemate, let's settle with eow and Wednesdays and a tiny bit more. Kids are 13&11. Reason to fight more? Spend $30 K on trail? Or count on the kids getting older very soon?! I don't know. Self represent? How difficult? Doable?

Now I don't know if the original poster is right, but the sad thing is that there are won't en being abused, kids in danger. I ask, why are so many allowed to pull lies, just to make the ones that need it look like lies. Sad, sad.

The kids pay regardless, no matter who is right or wrong, but nothing is done against the horrible lies out there.

In. My opinion... One goes to court with a story... The law should punish the abuser severely, or the lier just as much. It's a evil thing, just like the abuse.

[stripes]

Parenting classes.
short but frequent access.
Supervised access.
Home assessment by 3rd party.
MEANINGFUL relationship between dad and baby.
Mom cooperates fully and stops micromanaging.
Mom is not gate keeper.

^^^ Yup. The OP asked for options, and here are some good ones. We have no way of knowing whether she is making things up or not, so I find this pile-on rather disturbing, as it's based on speculation far beyond what the available information would justify. Not all moms who express concern about their ex's parenting are control freaks. Some are, some aren't.

[Straittohell]

^^^

That's pretty much what I'm getting at. Let's hold off on the pile on and list the options, which Serene did quite nicely.

He sounds like a jerk who could use some education and a chance to ease into the role of father, not a monster who should be told when he can or can't see his kid.

[Links17]

People need to relax on the hate - some dads are bad...

[LovingFather32]

People need to relax on the hate - some dads are bad...

And some aren't.

You guys read her story right? No police, No CAS, no evidence of abuse to her or child.

I'm not hating but given what I've been through the past year .. yea it strikes a nerve.

Yeh Stripes. We know those are goo options listed. Especially the last one mentioned. She shouldn't act as the police, the judge and god in this matter. That's for the courts to decide.

[confused0123]

I rather you ask me questions than judege me. First of all yes he has admitted to his yelling, calling the babys name and punching the bed the baby was laying on. And I have it all by text messages. Second of all, just because the parents are not getting along does not mean taking your anger out on thr baby is justified. Third of all, I never said I feared him, I said I feared him being alone with the baby and I feared calling the cops because he has threaten me in the past that if I ever did anything like that he would get revenge. And lastly, if I call the baby, my son, its because he's been absent for the most part. Hasnt asked to see him or asked about him or paid any child support. I appreciate how critical you are of me because, I can be more prepared if he wants to go to court.

[Janibel]

I rather you ask me questions than judege me. First of all yes he has admitted to his yelling, calling the babys name and punching the bed the baby was laying on. And I have it all by text messages. Second of all, just because the parents are not getting along does not mean taking your anger out on thr baby is justified. Third of all, I never said I feared him, I said I feared him being alone with the baby and I feared calling the cops because he has threaten me in the past that if I ever did anything like that he would get revenge. And lastly, if I call the baby, my son, its because he's been absent for the most part. Hasnt asked to see him or asked about him or paid any child support. I appreciate how critical you are of me because, I can be more prepared if he wants to go to court.

Sweetheart, if he is threatening you, you should get the police involved - that is harassment and it is a criminal offense. Nobody should live in fear.

[tmsrtl]

Often I think we are many men on here that were dealt the same shit, but there are women that do need help. And IF you are truthful OP, I wish you and your little one of course well

[confused0123]

LovingFather32, I never made up "your so called allegations" because he has asked for custody, I said these ,( your so called allegations) are the reasons why I left him, over a year ago. And he confessed by text messages that he was only joking when he called our son vulgar degrading names, and he said by text messages he didnt mean to punch the headboard the baby was laying on. Most importantly that you should take note of, is that in a year he has asked to see the baby, maybe four times and every single time but once, ive have agreed, to let him see the baby, in a public place. Just because your ex wife cried wolf, don't, do not ever , ever shrug off, when another women says the same thing, not all of us represent your ex.

[LovingFather32]

So you fear him enough to not call the cops. But you don't fear him enough to meet him alone shoving limited supervised access in his face? Please .. enough with the "I feel threatened card".

Text messages? lol My ex misspelled multiple words in her texts she sent )(pretending to be me). She spelled the same words the same way in all of her e-mails over the years. We'll see how that rides at trial.

In a year you have forced supervised access. Im sure my ex says the same things as you to everyone. LF32 only asked a few times. Yea right.

I am asking you questions-->did you ever argue with him? Or did he argue with himself? Was he the only problem in the relationship? Seems you don't trust his mom either. A lot like my ex.

No history of abuse, no evidence of child abuse or DV, no police, No CAS, no restraining orders. Just dangling "limited supervision" over his head. Really?

I would be singing a different tune if I was hearing about real danger, real abuse, real evidence. Im not reading that. You're the one writing it. And you're in the wrong right now. IMO

So you think he's a bad father? It had nothing to do with the relationship? I wonder how he acts with the child when you're not there? Don't know .. you wont even give him the chance.

[LovingFather32]

"Second of all, just because the parents are not getting along does not mean taking your anger out on their baby is justified"

No .. you call CAS if your child is in danger. That's what good parents do. And taking it out on the other parent by controlling access is justified?

"And lastly, if I call the baby, my son, its because he's been absent for the most part".

So you're justifying calling him "your" son with no problem. My brother-in-law was absent from his child for about a year serving in the military. Does that mean he no longer has a child when he gets back? You cant be serious! You would have been better to say "whoops"! I meant "our" son. It's very clear what's happening here. Your words say it all Confused ... or should we call you DivorcingMama?

[confused0123]

LovingFather32, I take it you have anger issue against your ex, and you believe that all women are like your wife, thats why you are impartial. Like I said I have all the text messages where he confessed to what you called allegations. A text message shows what number they are from and serve as evidence in court. I strongly ask that you reread my post. I will reiterate my last comment. I said he has a history of anger issue. He has seen a psychologist in the past. He has punch the car windshield, throw thingd around, broken tv remote control etc. I have never met him alone, ive always met him in a public place. Again you are drawing conclusions. It is his job to prove to the courts that he has asked to see his son, and since he hasnt asked, he wont be able to prove he has asked. Again, no matter if we were arguing or had problems, he had no right to take his anger on the child. You cannot justify it. Every couple argue, so please dont try to pin me down by justifying our arguments as an excuse. You seriously need help dealing with your issues.

[mcdreamy]

There are numerous reasons why adults, who are in threatening or potentially abusive relationships, do not disclose or reveal the threats. And yes, those reasons will often (and most likely) prevent them from stepping forward with similar safety concerns for their children as well.

OP, do you have a lawyer now? How has the ex been communicating with you and what exactly is his initial proposal? For, with certainty, he will have access to the kidlet, it is just a matter of determining how. Best to work towards that goal with cooperation.

[LovingFather32]

LovingFather32, I take it you have anger issue against your ex, and you believe that all women are like your wife, thats why you are impartial. Like I said I have all the text messages where he confessed to what you called allegations. A text message shows what number they are from and serve as evidence in court. I strongly ask that you reread my post. I will reiterate my last comment. I said he has a history of anger issue. He has seen a psychologist in the past. He has punch the car windshield, throw thingd around, broken tv remote control etc. I have never met him alone, ive always met him in a public place. Again you are drawing conclusions. It is his job to prove to the courts that he has asked to see his son, and since he hasnt asked, he wont be able to prove he has asked. Again, no matter if we were arguing or had problems, he had no right to take his anger on the child. You cannot justify it. Every couple argue, so please dont try to pin me down by justifying our arguments as an excuse. You seriously need help dealing with your issues.

Yep. Ex has her texts she sent to herself from my phone. Judge enjoyed her spelling in both. Texts can be manipulated.

He has anger? What about the child abuse? Throwing a tv remote doesn't mean "supervised access".

You're saying he took the anger out on the child. We don't know his version.

I've had assistance from this wonderful forum and my lawyer for the issues in my case. And I'm proving all my ex's allegations wrong and may be on my way to sole custody. Just be careful. I don't think you want to be in the same position as my ex in court right now.

[LovingFather32]

he will have access to the kidlet, it is just a matter of determining how. Best to work towards that goal with cooperation.

She's correct. My ex refused to cooperate and threw allegation after allegation. Abuse, taking it out on child, TEXT MESSAGES, recordings, sexual abuse, physical abuse.....you name it. All of it tossed at the motion. Judge saw right through her. Be careful. Cooperate. Don't play gatekeeper.That's all Im saying. Sorry if you disagree.

My judges words:

"I find it disturbing that the only time allegations surfaced was after the separation. There were none throughout the entirety of the relationship. The most inhumane, indignant thing one human can do to another is withhold a child from another parent for their own gain".

"And lastly, if I call the baby, my son, its because he's been absent for the most part".

And again .. it is not YOUR son. You need to drop that attitude. What about the military guy who doesn't see his child for a year. He no longer has a child? You ask me to ask questions but don't answer them.

Do you really think it's YOUR child because he's been absent for a period of time?