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  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Parenting Issues

Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #11  
Old 01-09-2018, 11:02 PM
piggybanktoex piggybanktoex is offline
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I love my GF of the last 10 years, but after the divorce I had, I am not interested in living together or (God Forbid) ever getting married again.

My income was reduced by 3/4 after all the damage she did to my business partnership and job. All because the law meant she would get it all and I would end up broke in 5 years. And that was with 50%-50
%.

It would be cheaper to me to help pay her mortgage that to be a married (divorced) couple or common law.

My kids came (come) first, as do hers.

Wait until your kids are mid-teens or older, IMHO.
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  #12  
Old 01-12-2018, 12:44 PM
Links17 Links17 is offline
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Financially moving in or not doesn't impact me much now or in potential future situations. I am in Quebec so as long as there are no children I am safe.

The new girl is educated and has a proper career too, not minimum wage labour

Moving in is pretty much for convenience and entertainment.

I am not prepared to have my kids intentionally sabotage this and let it fly.

My kids come first so if there was a legitimate conflict I would take my kids side but they are the sole aggressors here.

I agree I won't and I don't let my kids bully me.

I talk to them, give them space, do stuff once a week just us.... Not sure what more I can do
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  #13  
Old 01-12-2018, 01:16 PM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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So what are their issues with the new SO? Surely they have expressed something regarding their displeasure


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  #14  
Old 01-12-2018, 02:16 PM
denbigh denbigh is offline
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Quote:
Don't know why people, after going through nasty divorces, want to enter into another live-in relationship.

I'd be pissed off if I were one of your children. Sure you call the shots but why not simply focus on raising your children and seeing your friend at your respective residences?
this is my thought exactly. I feel like divorce is traumatic enough, there is no way I would ever put my kids through a new partner. I am pretty committed to never having a partner unless my children are adults.

At the ages your children are, I think you have a pretty normal reaction, and I wouldnt be too quick to assume that mom is driving it. No 12 year old wants to think about their parent with a new partner. Your 12 year old is thinking of himself and himself alone, not how you feel about it, and that is completely developmentally normal.
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  #15  
Old 01-12-2018, 02:20 PM
denbigh denbigh is offline
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Quote:
Moving in is pretty much for convenience and entertainment.

I am not prepared to have my kids intentionally sabotage this and let it fly.
that speaks volumes
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  #16  
Old 01-12-2018, 02:26 PM
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Rioe Rioe is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
So I've found a new chick she's pretty cool.

My kids are going ballistic about it basically and my son (12yrs old) openly threatened to move to his mom's house if I live with this girl. My daughter has made the threat but wouldn't be happy either

I've been with the girl for a year, she lives nearby and I'm planning to move her in to my place for a couple of months as a trial and if things go well i might buy a place with her in June.

Advice?
Agreed, I think you need to figure out what their objections are, and discuss it with them. Be firm that you are the adult and they are the kids, but you want to provide everything they need to make the transition smooth.

They may simply just want you all to themselves, and not share you. This is surprisingly common from what I can tell. They have their life arranged in a way they are comfortable with, and don't want any new person messing that up.

They may believe this woman will be bossy and mean and other evil stepmom stereotypes.

They want to feel they are your biggest priority in life, and by you upgrading this woman from girlfriend to common-law spouse, they may feel that you are putting her #1 instead of them.

Their mother may have put ideas in their heads that you shouldn't be allowed to have another relationship.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
I talk to them, give them space, do stuff once a week just us.... Not sure what more I can do
Have they met this woman, and does she treat them well? Do they enjoy her company? Have you had her over to dinner, or to stay overnight? I would get the kids used to going on activities with her, and her presence in the house as a guest before moving her in. That may take a long time, and it's going to be a delicate balance to walk.
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  #17  
Old 01-12-2018, 04:46 PM
Links17 Links17 is offline
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The trial started. Before that we spent time on like 20 days of vacation together she's slept over often. They have been seeing her at least every other day.

They say they don't like her daughter, which I respect and told them then don't talk to her. They don't think she is cool basically.

They do like the wife but they just don't want her living with us.

They also do say why should they live with anybody else, totally not concerned with how I feel.
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  #18  
Old 01-12-2018, 04:48 PM
Links17 Links17 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by denbigh View Post
that speaks volumes
I didn't cause my divorce and I like having ass I can turn around and grab at night. Maybe it's not important for you but it is for me.
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  #19  
Old 01-15-2018, 05:24 PM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
The trial started. Before that we spent time on like 20 days of vacation together she's slept over often. They have been seeing her at least every other day.

They say they don't like her daughter, which I respect and told them then don't talk to her. They don't think she is cool basically.

They do like the wife but they just don't want her living with us.

They also do say why should they live with anybody else, totally not concerned with how I feel.
Well honestly if their issue is they donít think the daughter is cool and that was your response? Thatís pretty sad. I assume his new piece of a$$ will have her daughter there as well, how sad that her daughter is going to feel like an outcast and youíre okay with that as long as you get what you want.

It doesnít seem they have very valid concerns other than not wanting to share their space, which I can understand since your main concern is getting some a$$
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  #20  
Old 04-13-2018, 03:20 PM
Links17 Links17 is offline
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Just an update, things are going much better. I pretty much stayed the course and things are working great right now.
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