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Old 01-21-2017, 11:34 PM
loamlump loamlump is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 5
loamlump is on a distinguished road

I did not ask for Spousal because I did not want to be dependent on him for a dime. It felt like I would "owe" him. I gave 12 years of my life to an ever increasing control freak, feeling I owed him for helping me with my disabilities. That is more than enough.

If I could've done it, I would not have asked for child support. But I'm glad I did now, given the current situation and goals. It is good thing he is not around the kids, he's the cause of the PTSD and anxiety problems all 3 of us here have (I have professional assessments to back me up on this statement. If he wee to press for more visitation time, I was going to use those assessments to block it, but it's turned out not to be necessary to claim child abuse.

Although we live hand-to-mouth, and I've had to sell every valuable I owned or inherited to pay for a new furnace and repairs, the kids have everything they need and some of the things they want. I feed them well, home-made everything and I grow quite a bit of food in an ample garden. I go to clothing drives and have learned to sew cast-offs into new clothes. Sometimes, I've had to go to the food bank. I cannot let the sense of shame prevent me from providing, pride has to be swallowed when your child needs new shoes.We get by without the $500 a month.

I have multiple disabilities that prevent me from full time employment, the most serious is Multiple Sclerosis. I no longer drive because of this and getting around is becoming increasingly difficult. Eventually, I'll be in a wheelchair. The MS was diagnosed in 2007, when I was pregnant with my second child. At the first ultrasound, a large malignant tumor was found wrapped around my bladder. In spite of this I carried full term and delivered naturally, but that resulted in horrendous damage to every body part in the area.

I have private health insurance, which is deducted from the Ontario Disability I receive. In total, the Ontario tax payer donates $365 a month, plus some of my medications. I am grateful for the assistance, truly I am. But it rattles me to be considered a charity case or a "breeder." Yes, my second child was a surprise, but I cherish her just as much as her older brother. If I could go back in time and change anything, it would be to take away her disabilities, the Autism, and I would have ended my marriage as soon as she was born. But I would still have her. I was just so sick after she was born, the bladder tumor burst during delivery and tore away my ovaries, ripped open intestines... It took a long time to recover, then the MS kicked in... I left M once before, we went to a woman's shelter, but the conditions there, with my disabilities and L's, it wasn't good. Then M threatened to kill himself if I didn't return home. I understand now that is a classic controller/abusive response, but at the time I bought it.
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Old 01-22-2017, 12:23 PM
Newfie76 Newfie76 is offline
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 76
Newfie76 has a little shameless behaviour in the past

Loamlump, the fact that you did not ask for spousal support only means your a strong individual. There are numerous studies on the psychological effects spousal has on both spouses....You obviously recognize the effects it could have on you. Your ex obviously has problems....the less your reliant on him the better for everyone.

Incredible idea on the apartment for income!! Just shows how strong you are!! . My situation is completely opposite of yours, but I started to Uber as a means to supplement income. Its not much but it helps me pay for some fun stuff for the kids.....I work 8-5 then eat then Uber 6-12 every night I dont have my kids...and I too have disabilities. But I must pay my unemployed Deadbeat ex half my salary while she gets to sit at home all day doing nothing...She is unable to take care of herself let alone the kids financially.

There are Deadbeat DADs; who abandon their family; and then there are DEADBEAT Mothers who live off their ex husbands and have no intention to work or go to school. Why can I not be given the opportunity to take permanent vacation too? I firmly believe that everyone should be able to take care themselves in this society....And just because one marries another does not mean the government washes their hands of the situation, nor does it mean the LOTTERY WIN. Welfare is a safety net; when a person falls off the wagon society steps in and catches them.....My ex fell off the wagon....why should I be responsible for someone who beat me, mentally abused me and committed adultery on me multiple times...oh ya because the government said its ok!!! And that I must be linked to this person until death due to two little things called "NO FAULT DIVORCE" and "Spousal Support"!!

Not sure why you mentioned "Breeders" or any other woman are not a "breeder"! It takes two to "Breed".....and it should be required by law to provide support financially from both work! Otherwise the one that sits home all day or does not contribute financially are "Deadbeats"! Deadbeat mothers or fathers should not be allowed to have even 50/50 custody....weekends only at most! No room for the lazy. If one does not should not even think of having children....(Wish I knew of that concept 8 years ago).

Of note: Get a lawyer!! have no idea if the abandonment of property will work in your makes sense to me you should get the house....but with Canadian law who knows.

Another note: If you could find a senior looking for a rental before you renovate....there is/was a program in place through the provincial government Ontario (I think; maybe federal) that gave you up to $20,000 grant to renovate; as long as the senior was to stay and rent there. Google it.... its a program to help seniors find homes....I remember the key was that the senior must be found before you renovate....
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Old 01-22-2017, 12:44 PM
Newfie76 Newfie76 is offline
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 76
Newfie76 has a little shameless behaviour in the past

Originally Posted by arabian View Post
Karma is indeed a bitch to those who run and hide. Your position that women are merely "breeders" is noted. Tax-payors (the government) should not have to look after people (with severe medical issues) who are abandoned, left raising the sperm-donor's children. However, we are a compassionate society and yes ex-spouses and children of deadbeats are cared for by tax-payors.

Marriage to a woman is a privilege and what comes with that is a moral and LEGAL responsibility. If you don't agree then don't get married and don't have children.
Too funny....where did the "Breeder" statement come from? It takes two to breed! Thus one person can not be considered the "Breeder".

I too have medical issues and work 16 hour/day on days I dont see my kids; only to hand the money over to my abusive ex wife. My ex sits at home, the days she does not have the kids or while they are at school. She obtains child and spousal support...with no intention of ever working again. Why can I not have that life? What did I ever do morally wrong to be condemned like this? I am not sure how much longer I can continue to do this....If I dont work...we all go on welfare...wait not me (law says my earning potential requires me to continue paying my ex regardless of my actual employment). Burn out will occur soon......

Your last comment is actually very true! I am a promoter of anti marriage in Canada. As long as the laws (lobbied by women's rights groups) continue to swing toward male slavery....I condemn marriage in Canada. Its a legal system that continues to be aggressive toward men...without looking at "EQUAL RIGHTS". We are all people! We are all human! Why are there movements against men? There should be a unified movement for EQUALITY! Until that EQUALITY movement...I support MGTOW (Men Going There Own Way); no marriage, no common law, no children. Adoption for single men is on the rise in many cities....MGTOW is gaining momentum.

Equality! Both contribute equally, both care for equally, both provide equally. It a dream that will NEVER happen. Look at Washington yesterday....sad. There was nothing about equality.....just angry women demanding more.
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Old 01-22-2017, 12:50 PM
undersc0re undersc0re is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Bc
Posts: 225
undersc0re is on a distinguished road

Just curious how the judge got the amount of child support of $500. Did he base this on evidence you presented the first time? Did he impute an income to him and base it on that? Did he show up to court at these times when the orders were made? Have you been back to court about the child support not being paid and about him avoiding everything?

Originally Posted by loamlump View Post
Hi, my nickname is "loamlump." I live in Central Ontario with 2 children (now 17 and 9, one has severe anxiety disorders and the youngest has Autism). Like all of you, I am going through the process of separation and divorce. It is with great relief to read some of the threads here, and realize I am not alone. I became separated in June 2011 when I called 911; my husband of 12 years threatened to slit my throat in front of the kids. When he went outside for a cigarette, I took the opportunity to shut & lock the door, and pick up the phone. This act ended 12 years of abuse of me and the children.

After 5 years in and out of the Legal Aid and Court systems, I've paid out $10,000.00 and am currently, officially still Separated, with a Judge's temporary Order for full custody (he was granted 8 hours a week, Sundays, visitation) of the kids and possession of the Matrimonial home (we both are on the deed and mortgage). He was ordered to pay $500 a month child support. No Spousal support was asked for. I have been disabled with back problems since 1998, and receive Ontario Disability.

Once the Threatening Charge was dealt with, M disappeared for 2 years. I heard news of him through my in-laws, while his mother went into her final illness and then passed in December 2011. It was revealed that he had had a series of lovers since my initial back injury in '98. Once his mother's estate was settled, M disappeared to all until September 2013, when he called me, asking to see the children. I ended up having to take him to court to get rid of him by May 2014. Throughout that time we never resumed or reconciled as he never gave up his girlfriend... It was a intense period of my life.

Around August of 2014, M went into hiding again. He has not filed income taxes, closed his bank account, stopped coming around on Sundays, moved and otherwise dropped off the face of the Earth. He has never paid any child support, or even bothered to send a birthday card to either child. This year at Christmas, our daughter tried to call him, only to learn his cell number is not in service.

There are so many facets of my situation I am wondering which forum to start in, or if I should just lump everything together in this thread. I have questions about custody, the mortgage, next steps and so much more. I am tired of living in limbo and I hope that you people here may have the knowledge and experience I lack.
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