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  • #31
    Completely missed the part that she is withholding access. Have you considered finding her in contempt of court ordered access? If she's withholding access when you are not a danger to them, i.e., CAS and Police have no concerns, you could use that against her, she's impeding the children's rights to see you, it is her responsibility as custodial parent to facilitate access and encourage the kids to see you and have ongoing contact, not send you a message saying they don't want to speak with you while withholding access. Why do the kids not want to see you. She needs a good reason other than "they don't want to see you". How old are they?

    I think you really need to speak to a lawyer, time is of essence for you.

    Comment


    • #32
      I think it is very important to corroborate/document everything in your affidavit. If she will not allow contact you MUST be able to prove this. Trinton has good advice here on being polite and getting her to deny phone calls in writing/text.

      Comment


      • #33
        trinton, I do not communicate with my ex anymore until we have an agreement in place. This is why we are scheduled before the Court this week. Custody and parenting time will be settled and my intuitions is that it will be on a progressive level until it reaches what will be ordered. I am seeking 50/50 shared custody at least for D8, as D14 and S16 have their say and it is useless to fight against. For school issues, I am debating that D14 needs to be more with her father for proper guidance and framework but the Court only push for the BIOC which is not always in the BIOC IMHO.

        I am realizing that fathers can choose when to be a father... but the Family Court will decide when your role ends. However, they will guarantee you a very good role that you will never lose. The payer dad. The Court may remove you your rights to be a very present father for your children but never it will take away the role of payer.

        Comment


        • #34
          Originally posted by trinton View Post
          Completely missed the part that she is withholding access. Have you considered finding her in contempt of court ordered access? If she's withholding access when you are not a danger to them, i.e., CAS and Police have no concerns, you could use that against her, she's impeding the children's rights to see you, it is her responsibility as custodial parent to facilitate access and encourage the kids to see you and have ongoing contact, not send you a message saying they don't want to speak with you while withholding access. Why do the kids not want to see you. She needs a good reason other than "they don't want to see you". How old are they?
          I see that you are fairly new on this forum. You should maybe have a look under my profil and verify my threads to note the historical. I am represented by a female lawyer and all issues have been addressed before the Court. I do not communicate with my STBX anymore as none of the issues could be settled out of Court. The custody, SS, CS, mat home, NFP disclosure... and so on, everything is an issue. She just wants everything irrationally.

          Originally posted by trinton View Post
          I think you really need to speak to a lawyer, time is of essence for you
          ??? trinton, I did. Already in the middle of the process. Had my CC, Motion this spring and another one this week. You think I really need to speak to a lawyer? Hey, no offense but after 30K$ of Legal bills, do you think I did?

          Comment


          • #35
            Justice was not to happy when our case was brought to her attention Yesterday.

            First, she did not want to address any other issues not pertaining to access as she was scheduled only for that purpose.
            Second, when it came to access, to many evidences were missing in order for her to make a decision.
            From the previous Motion, both parties agreed on consent to retain the services of a lawyer specialized in conducting an assessment on the children’s wishes and preferences. Like a children lawyer (CL) but not mandate by the OCL. Because of budget issues, we could not afford the whole package of the mandate which normally takes 6 months to assess, including a full report on findings and recommendations and to be held as a witness for the children. Costs could have reached the 10K$. We only went the 2K$ way where she would meet with the children at both house, with each parent, then provide both parties with her recommendations as per her findings. This is where the subject started to heat a little too bit for the other party.
            CL: her findings;
            • The mother still believes she was a victim of DV and abuse during all those years and could not do or say anything because she was scared the father would get more angry and would aggravate the situation. She was “doomed” to keep silence for her safety and for the children’s sake.
            • D8 told the CL at both houses that she loves her dad and likes to go at his place to spare some time with him. She doesn’t want to have more access and sleep at dad’s right now as she remember when she was young, dad slapped her in the face because she spelled salt on the table. ???
            • D14 told the CL she do not want to have any more access and overnights at dad’s as she remember seeing him pushing her step-brother down the stairs. She is sometime scared of his dad but love him very much and would like to keep contact with him as much as possible. She also told the CL that the actual access was to short, very rushed as time was flying by and that it should be stretched to 9pm instead of 7h or 8hpm. (WTF ??? it doesn’t stand!) She indicated that she do not want to be with either parent, but hang with her friends.
            • S16 wants more access with his father. He do not understand why he cannot stay for overnights. He wish he could decide on his own when and how long he would stay with his father. He do not want to be involved or talked about the separation issue. He wish to advise where he is going rather than asking the permission.
            • CL noticed that D8 reported things that had occurred while she was still not born.
            • I pointed out to her that what the girls are reporting as abuse the father had made during the marriage was in fact issues that were described by the mother in her first affidavit of May 2015. The CL then noticed that the mother is indeed implicating directly the children into the conflict and she is convincing them to believe in those statements.
            • CL is convinced the mother had prepared and trained both daughters before meeting with her for the assessment.
            • CL noticed the father had not influenced the children’s voice in any ways.
            • CL noticed the father has more concerns on the children’s needs and behaviors and pay more attention to the future. The mother rely on facts from the past and focus only at the present time.
            • CL noticed the father is more strict, academic oriented and is more willing to gain respect from his children by pushing toward achievements and success. The mother seems to act more as a friend to her children rather than a parent to feel closer to them.
            • there is “signs” of PA but not firmly as the children wishes to keep seeing their father and maintain contact with him
            • there is therefore evidences of high “Parental Interference” which is as worst since there is damage that was done at the level of affection and confidence that the girls attach to their father.

            Comment


            • #36
              Her recommendations;
              • S16 should have more access and should make them by his own.
              • the 3h access every Thursday should be removed as all the children hates it because they feel rushed.
              • D8 and D14 should only come every second Saturday until further notice
              • D8 and D14 should follow a Reunification Therapy with their father in order to reinstate the confidence and the bonds between them. They have been “brainwashed” by the mother with DV and abuse that can’t be proven but had certainly damage the way they now see their father. The mother is also required to follow a therapy with the same psychologist. She shows signs of victimizes distress and seems to found comfort by using the children. The lost of D0 in 2005 might be the cause.

              My ex was fuming in front of those revelations today and sworn that the CL was in the field, incompetent and didn’t know what she was doing. She said she never told the children about the assessment and did not prepare them before hand in what to say.
              Her counsel suggest that we should agree on consent that access be limited to every Saturdays as per recommendations for both D8 and D14 and that S16 starts to have a sleepover every second weekend as per his wish. I agreed for S16 but for D8 and D14 I disagreed as I am convinced that parenting interference problems won’t diminish as long as I do not gain more access with my children. He then threatened to order as per recommendations with costs awarded against me.
              When both lawyers went back inside before Justice to address the issue and see when we could be heard, she insisted on asking why we were scheduled for a motion when it should have been a SC? My lawyer explained that there were too many issues that were not resolved on custody and on the mat home and that a SC was possible only if both NFPs were completed but couldn’t as my ex refused to disclose financial info.
              When the judge heard the words of truthful “parental interference” from both parties’ lawyers, she asked that they get a report from the Children’s Lawyer. She can only make a decision based on facts and not on what has been reported by both counsels even if they both agree. If parental interference was discovered, this must be taken into consideration and must be addressed to prevent damage and leading to get worst. She scheduled a SC at the end of September before her and directed both counsels to work something out until then and to be prepared.
              My STBX was given a hard time in the negotiations to the point her counsel admitted that she was uncooperative and hard headed and if she continues like that, he would be off the records.

              We then agreed on a new access schedule, giving more freedom to D14 and S16, to complete financial disclosure, to share the transport between parental time (this is a big gain for me on driving and gas), to serve and file SC Briefs by mid-Sept and to get a written report from the CL.
              I wonder if the CL will only report the preferences of the children or if she will also report all her findings? I will have to see it before as the judge seems more interested by the nature of her findings than of her recommendations.
              All to say, at the end we never stand before the judge. We were there at 9h30 am and left at around 3hpm.

              Comment


              • #37
                I thought CL had prepared a report already. Why was it not presented to judge?

                Comment


                • #38
                  As I explained, because of budget issues and time, she didn't get the whole mandate. She only was to meet with everyone and provide her recommendations as per the children wishes to both parties. Now, she will be ordered to produce a report and submit it to the Court as proof of facts.

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    From the sounds of it you did have some positives come out of it. Its not perfect but you could have had everything shut down. You have to provide a report and the CL sounds very positive to you. Mom has to go to therapy. There was a finding of parental influence. It all sounds very positive heading into a second appearance inSeptember!

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      Sounds like parental alienation. I would consult with an experienced family law lawyer in your area and take the kids from her - she's disparaging you to the children and the children aren't thriving under her care.

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Originally posted by trinton View Post
                        Sounds like parental alienation. I would consult with an experienced family law lawyer in your area and take the kids from her - she's disparaging you to the children and the children aren't thriving under her care.
                        No, trace of PA but not at 100%. We have to be careful on this one. I just learn this week something else within the same field that could lead to the same damage. This one is call "Parental Interference".

                        PA is when the custodial parent do everything to keep the other parent out of the life of the children and the children NO LONGER wants to see or have contact with the other parent.

                        If the children still maintain a relationship with the other parent but there is proof that the custodial parent was involved in activities to affect negatively this relationship, then this is PI. I learn PI is as worst as PA in some cases like mine as my daughters are now suffering to a certain point. Even if they show they are happy being in my care, they also worried on how I could react in any instant because of what Mom had told them. Basically, mom told them horror stories around the fire pit and the horror happens to be their Dad!

                        Funny though, I don't recall seeing any case with PI. Would need to google and search in CanLii.

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Originally posted by mafia007 View Post
                          No, trace of PA but not at 100%. We have to be careful on this one. I just learn this week something else within the same field that could lead to the same damage. This one is call "Parental Interference".

                          PA is when the custodial parent do everything to keep the other parent out of the life of the children and the children NO LONGER wants to see or have contact with the other parent.

                          If the children still maintain a relationship with the other parent but there is proof that the custodial parent was involved in activities to affect negatively this relationship, then this is PI. I learn PI is as worst as PA in some cases like mine as my daughters are now suffering to a certain point. Even if they show they are happy being in my care, they also worried on how I could react in any instant because of what Mom had told them. Basically, mom told them horror stories around the fire pit and the horror happens to be their Dad!

                          Funny though, I don't recall seeing any case with PI. Would need to google and search in CanLii.

                          I thought parental interference was when the custodial parent impedes access? You would find many cases of the custodial parent impeding access, such as not complying with court ordered access. They would usually have to voice their concerns to CAS and if CAS has no concerns with the child in your care then she shouldn't be withholding access, judges have and will often reverse custody on that basis - which parent is more likely to foster positive ongoing relationship with the other parent?

                          I said parental alienation because you mentioned the one child said that she doesn't want any more access or overnight at dads and that OCL has suspicion that the children are saying what the other parents wants to hear, not their true feeling - does CAS have any concerns with the child in your care? Have you ever been charged with assault towards the other parent?

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            [QUOTE=trinton;210595]I thought parental interference was when the custodial parent impedes access? [QUOTE]

                            Your are right, there was a bit of this but not as bad as I have seen here for others.

                            I must correct myself here, as I mixed what was said Yesterday. Instead of Parental Interference, I should have stated "Bad Parenting Stewardship".

                            Maybe the moderator or Administrator could go back in my thread and change PI to BPS (Bad Parenting Stewardship)?

                            Thanks

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              [QUOTE=mafia007;210599][QUOTE=trinton;210595]I thought parental interference was when the custodial parent impedes access?

                              Your are right, there was a bit of this but not as bad as I have seen here for others.

                              I must correct myself here, as I mixed what was said Yesterday. Instead of Parental Interference, I should have stated "Bad Parenting Stewardship".

                              Maybe the moderator or Administrator could go back in my thread and change PI to BPS (Bad Parenting Stewardship)?

                              Thanks
                              You could still use that against her, if she's done it in the past, chances are that she might do it in the future.

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                Parental interference is many things including saying things and causing issues with access. Any decisions the kids make for access that are based on interference from a parent are PI. The parent saying no is WITHHOLDING/DENYING access.

                                Parental alienation is when the child(ren) sever the relationship voluntarily because they believe things the custodial parent has told them. If theres still a connection with communications and visiting then its not PA.

                                Comment

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