I've been away for a little while but now back with a question. Here's the background:
Over the past year, ex has had escalating issues with addiction and mental illness. He's been in and out of psych hospitals and treatment programs. He also went through a lot of domestic conflict with spouse #2, and they are now in the midst of a very angry divorce.
Our divorce order specifies shared parenting. However, because of ex's issues, Kid has been living with me for the last 14 months (and before anybody jumps on me, this arrangement was agreed-on by me and ex, as he recognized he couldn't parent Kid when he was on a locked psych ward or couch-surfing after his marriage blew up, and I facilitated many visits between him and Kid when he was in facilities or between homes. Before anyone else jumps, I continued paying ex offset child support the entire time).
Now ex is trying to put things back together. He has an apartment, he's on long-term disability leave from work, and he wants to see Kid more. I am fine with this, because Kid wants to see him more too. I am fine with getting back to a 50/50 schedule.
However ex is now making noises that he wants to have Kid full-time, as "compensatory time" for when he was in the psych ward/rehab/unstable living conditions. He says that I "owe" him this time and that it is in Kid's best interests.
I am not fine with the idea of "compensatory time". Ex is still drinking (he denies this, but his spouse is still getting credit card bills with liquor charges) and his mental health issues are not under control (e.g. has been sending bizarre emails to friends and acquaintances about everything from residential schools to his spouse's plans to kill him by sabotaging his car). He has been generally responsible around Kid, except for a few occasions when he didn't show up as he had said he would. He's in deep financial trouble and is facing bankruptcy. His manner towards me is alternately pragmatic and hostile with some delusional content.
I believe he can hold things together for a few days at a time when Kid is staying with him, and she enjoys being around him. Therefore I'm okay with gradually increasing her time with him. However, he's unstable, still drinking, and has a history of being a complete jackass.
So my question: I'm inclined to think this idea that I "owe" him "compensatory time" thing is nonsense. I didn't get extra time this year with Kid because we went on some fun vacation, I ended up with extra time because her father fell apart and I picked up the pieces. I am also of course suspicious that this is money-motivated, because table child support from me would be a large chunk of change.
So my line is: let's move back to 50/50 parenting time, but no compensatory time and no full-time residence with him. If he wants to do something special with Kid and wants to swap weeks or pick up an extra week or so, that's fine.
Does ex have any grounds for expecting that he will get Kid full-time as compensation?
Over the past year, ex has had escalating issues with addiction and mental illness. He's been in and out of psych hospitals and treatment programs. He also went through a lot of domestic conflict with spouse #2, and they are now in the midst of a very angry divorce.
Our divorce order specifies shared parenting. However, because of ex's issues, Kid has been living with me for the last 14 months (and before anybody jumps on me, this arrangement was agreed-on by me and ex, as he recognized he couldn't parent Kid when he was on a locked psych ward or couch-surfing after his marriage blew up, and I facilitated many visits between him and Kid when he was in facilities or between homes. Before anyone else jumps, I continued paying ex offset child support the entire time).
Now ex is trying to put things back together. He has an apartment, he's on long-term disability leave from work, and he wants to see Kid more. I am fine with this, because Kid wants to see him more too. I am fine with getting back to a 50/50 schedule.
However ex is now making noises that he wants to have Kid full-time, as "compensatory time" for when he was in the psych ward/rehab/unstable living conditions. He says that I "owe" him this time and that it is in Kid's best interests.
I am not fine with the idea of "compensatory time". Ex is still drinking (he denies this, but his spouse is still getting credit card bills with liquor charges) and his mental health issues are not under control (e.g. has been sending bizarre emails to friends and acquaintances about everything from residential schools to his spouse's plans to kill him by sabotaging his car). He has been generally responsible around Kid, except for a few occasions when he didn't show up as he had said he would. He's in deep financial trouble and is facing bankruptcy. His manner towards me is alternately pragmatic and hostile with some delusional content.
I believe he can hold things together for a few days at a time when Kid is staying with him, and she enjoys being around him. Therefore I'm okay with gradually increasing her time with him. However, he's unstable, still drinking, and has a history of being a complete jackass.
So my question: I'm inclined to think this idea that I "owe" him "compensatory time" thing is nonsense. I didn't get extra time this year with Kid because we went on some fun vacation, I ended up with extra time because her father fell apart and I picked up the pieces. I am also of course suspicious that this is money-motivated, because table child support from me would be a large chunk of change.
So my line is: let's move back to 50/50 parenting time, but no compensatory time and no full-time residence with him. If he wants to do something special with Kid and wants to swap weeks or pick up an extra week or so, that's fine.
Does ex have any grounds for expecting that he will get Kid full-time as compensation?
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