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Old 03-20-2007, 10:15 AM
Grace Grace is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 860
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Hey Hon,

You need to get out of victim mode and get into survivor mode, I know easier said than done. Do it for your children, you are not doing them or yourself any favours with the route you are taking. Abuse is past on through the generations, and you are teaching your kids to "take it". You need to get yourself some help, you can't do this alone. Most women can't, including myself. Abused women have had the fight beaten out of them and normally take the, walking on egg shell position, do nothing and hope it will go away/change, but we both know that is not going to happen.

I completely understand you are scared that going for custody, (which in my opinion should have been done on an emergency motion, no case conference, from the get go), is going to aggravate his temper. Of course it will, but you are just delaying the enviable and may be putting your children at greater risk, in the meantime. With your ex's criminal record, there was little to no hope from the beginning he was going to get custody of the children, anyway. Based on his past history, you should also be asking the Judge for a restraining order. Then take a copy to your local police so they can flag you in their system.

Let's say he did one day show up at school and take the kids to his unknown address. What are you going to do, run to the Police & CAS and say "I thought this could happen but I was waiting for "status quo" to set in, I read about it in a forum, on the internet, from a guy I've never met named LogicalVelocity" (LV, no offence, just getting a point across). They would have you in a straight jacket heading to Whitby Phych. I remember from previous posts that you don't have trust in CAS, but if they ever had to become involved in your case, you would be off to a really bad start with them, with your current approach to custody imo. Look at it from their stance, 2 young children, abusive convicted father, mom wont take action. This is why children are removed from homes. If you take a pro active stance, and have taken actions and can show them this, its unlikely they would remove the children, just monitor the situation. At least that has been my personal experience with them. Right now, someone has to protect the children, let that be you and not CAS.

Get yourself to your local women shelter ASAP, run don't walk. They will be able to help you with the resources you need. Have you not consulted with a lawyer yet? If not the shelter can help you with this one too. You need a lawyer that understands the imbalance of power in domestic abuse cases.

I know we are neighbours, I have probably dealt with the same people you will be dealing with in order to get this done. If you have msn add me or e-mail me at There is excellent help & resources for you in your own community, with professionals that have a better understanding of these types of domestic situations. Their are also resources available to your ex. The John Howard Society in your area comes to mind. He may be able with help, to deal with his anger and be part of his childrens lives in a more positive and healthy way.

You can do this, just don't do it alone, remember it take a village.

Last edited by logicalvelocity; 03-20-2007 at 07:19 PM.