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Old 03-23-2006, 06:51 AM
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TEC,

Welcome back.

You've taken several steps towards healing. Your removed yourself from the 'source' of pain (wife) and have a new job to concentrate on ... men are just so action/process oriented ... this new job and the challenges it may bring, may be just what you need.

I'm in a new city at the moment. It gives one a sense of being adventurous. Ya know, new people, buildings, geography ... itls like being a kid all over again ... mystery and adventure as I try to uncover what this new city has to offer. I would suggest you take the time to change your 'mindset' and focus on a little adventurism in you new city.

Especially try to meet new people and to forge new friendships eventually.

As I said before ... affairs normally have a lifespan of their own, they eventually fizzle out. Think about it, she will not have any 'contact' with this guy for at least two years (possibly off/on) but when one stops watering a plant, it eventually ... dies. An affair temporarily blinds some people, one day she may wake to see what she has done and come to regret it. Infactuation eventually leads to routine which leads to bordom ... then what will she have? She will possible have a family that has moved on OR she may realize her mistake and try to reintergrate with the family.

Remember, you control your emotions and choices and she likewise. This is your gifts from above ... Emotions can be destructive or constructive if let to run their entire course. When you notice a destructive emotion (fear, hate, revenge...) make the choice to cut it off and when you notice a constructive emotion (love, forgiveness, kindness ...) let it runs its full course to allow it to blossom wonderfull things in your life. This pleases the Big guy up their and make you a better person ... this process refines and develops you.

The pain is normal Tec, your human and as such, are priveleged to be able to experience ALL forms of emotion in you learning quest. It is not the emotion that you experience but the reaction and choice on what to do with that emotion that is the lesson. I know it can be hard when one finds himself in a place of pain, but to lesson the pain, requires that you take small steps to move away from that pain. This can be things that include, getting out and exploring the city, picking up a hobby, doing things with the kids, going to a gym, meditating and anything else you think or feel will bring you pleasure.

Oh Tec, by the way, your not whining, whether you realize it or not ... you have already begun the healing process.

A mighty blessing that you will find happiness and peace in your life once again.

Hubby