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  • other parent using child as a carrier

    so my ex has a history of recommending things to me, sending things I dont need and trying to control me/my parenting/my time with child. This includes what activities to do with child when she is sick, where to joy take her, I.e. dont take child to fair because she is sick, and sending child with tylenol.

    I have tylenol at my home and sort of take offense. worst part, she avoids communicating with me and gets child to tell me.. here is tylenol make sure to put it in fridge...child has been insisting ALL day that I must put it in fridge because her mom does and that's what her mom told her. I indicated to child on the container it clearly states to store at room temperature.

    other parent has recently accused me of using the child as a messenger although clearly it is her that does this.. and did it again not too long ago getting child to tell me she has enrolled child in extra ordinary activities on my time, etc..

    what is best thing to do here ? I've been just ignoring her crap to avoid getting sucked into back and forth on OFW and now she has started texting me after every OFW message to make sure I read it.... agreement clearly states communication. to. be on OFW unless in. case of emergency.

    Ex's are really screwed up I tell ya.

    would be ideal to take the tylenol to court and give it to her and set her in place in front of all the other parents there? I think I could shut her up nicely. or maybe get my lawyer to do it? I'm really sick and tired of her crap and feel the need to confront her face to face. nice polite messages and lawyer letters and even counselling and a parenting plan hasn't done the trick.

    or just give her the silent treatment and only communicate important things such as appointments and appointment outcomes ?

  • #2
    She can rattle you just by sending you Tylenol? If I was your ex and I knew this it would be open season on your fragile psyche.

    Originally posted by tunnelight View Post
    or just give her the silent treatment and only communicate important things such as appointments and appointment outcomes ?
    How is that not the obvious answer?

    Comment


    • #3
      I've never heard of storing Tylenol in the refrigerator.

      I've only bough Tylenol and Advil on the shelf. Is there an exception?

      Yeah your ex is merely trying to rattle you. Next time you are in Walmart perhaps point this out to your kid and, if pharmacist is not busy, have them tell your child it is quite OK for Tylenol to not be refrigerated. Make sure that you and pharmacist tell child that they can ask a pharmacist any time they have a question. Then, later at home, you can show the child information on what a pharmacist does and how they are important to provide information to patients, etc.

      I'd deal with the issue (obvious ignorance and superstition) with information and enlightenment.

      If you present yourself in the right manner... the pharmacist might agree to phone your ex to reassure her about proper storage of the product.
      Last edited by arabian; 02-21-2019, 01:15 AM.

      Comment


      • #4
        lol. yes.. I've become overly too sensitive to her crap. was never like this.

        I'm doing the obvious answer thing but it just shit after shit after shit..and then child gets in between and wash..

        maybe it's time for some counseling...

        or a girlfriend...

        hmmm...

        Comment


        • #5
          you will have to deal with this for the rest of your life

          counselling on how to deal with these issues is certainly an option

          we are free though....

          GF? Are you able to accept responsibility of someone else's children cause that is typically where single people end up.... middle of other dysfunctional relationships. (yeah I'm not optimistic)

          Look into something that will increase your self-esteem: VOLUNTEERING

          Find a worthy cause (there are many) that you relate to. You will feel wonderful and it will likely give your life the balance you are seeking. Once you have that balance you will be a much better mate for someone else.

          Comment


          • #6
            you're a genius Arabian...

            only issue is if I get a noob pharmacist saying it's okay to put it in fridge..could you imagine? Lol

            I think child will grow up one day wondering .. who was right.. mom or dad..

            I don't understand how ex knows I'm being rattled? Just knows me that well ? I know how to make her go insane too.. mainly by the power of ignorance.. she goes bananas ...


            can you just imagine child going to mom.. dad and I talked to pharmacist and we don't have to put it in Fridge..


            then I wonder... is mom really that stupid to put in fridge or just trying to sting and cause rattles?))

            story of my life

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by arabian View Post
              you will have to deal with this for the rest of your life

              counselling on how to deal with these issues is certainly an option

              we are free though....

              GF? Are you able to accept responsibility of someone else's children cause that is typically where single people end up.... middle of other dysfunctional relationships. (yeah I'm not optimistic)

              Look into something that will increase your self-esteem: VOLUNTEERING

              Find a worthy cause (there are many) that you relate to. You will feel wonderful and it will likely give your life the balance you are seeking. Once you have that balance you will be a much better mate for someone else.

              you're absolutely right. last 2 girls I really likes both had 2 kids. one its pending on me to contact her.. I only found about her 2 sons by creeping her on Facebook.. lol..

              there is a girl or 2 with no kids , from family friends, that I think would be willing to settle with me but I'm not sure if I'm ready for that type of commitment yet..

              used to volunteer lots at school but ever since this 50.50 arrangement... I'm totally getting burnt out... sometimes I wish I just agreed to alternate weekends and one mid week... parenting was so easy back then...but I love having my kid with me.

              Comment


              • #8
                So what if pharmacist says to refrigerate medication. Important lesson will be for kid (who has two dysfunctional parents in life) to learn it is a good thing to ask trusted professionals for assistance no?

                Perhaps look at other types of volunteer work (local SPCA, homeless shelter meals, city/community cleanup ?

                Move on from things you cannot change. Be a POSITIVE parent when you have the kid. Then you will attract a POSITIVE person into your life perhaps.

                Leave electronic devices at home when out with your children: lead by positive example..... life exists outside of Facebook no? If you can't do that then you are doomed to a life of shallow existence (I tell my adult son this frequently... you are not alone LOL).

                Plan for future events ... Spring camp... summer camp... winter ski camps... etc.

                Life goes on. Who the hell cares about what the ex is doing? Future is fantastic man!

                Comment


                • #9
                  Only use Facebook to creep people I'm curious about..don't really spend too much time on it.. more of an Instagram type of guy

                  I get on my good vibes and everything good until I give in to the rattles. I have to get stronger and get away from the negativity.. I can do this.

                  I wouldn't say 2 dysfunctional parents...1 dysfunctional parent is more accurate. Though it only takes 1 dysfunctional parent to ruin it.

                  Only issue with pharmacists giving inaccurate information against a product label is well, child, you can't trust anyone. do your own research. just checked their site too.. store at room temperature...

                  life goes on.. I need a good kick in the back.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    You have to broaden your narrow view on things perhaps?

                    Yes we all disagree with many products prescribed by doctors and yes we disagree on things police do but really ... simple things to kids: Ask the pharmacist and Trust the policeman are pretty reasonable right?

                    Parents who divorce/separate and who cannot agree on parenting are indeed dysfunctional. Court deals with this every day. Children grow up and need psychological counselling because of their parent's divorce - common even with adults today no?

                    Children ... future.... school.... college.... how to pay for it all

                    Lawyers make mega bucks on people who can't get their shit together. Kids suffer in the end because lawyer money depletes kid's college funds.

                    We are not perfect. Just frustrating to get "the other side" to see the big picture when their lawyer is fueling the fight. I think that is the biggest challenge of all after separation/divorce - how to diffuse the lawyer-ignited entitlement thing and replace with reality,

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Is it going to hurt the Tylenol if it’s put in the fridge? Honest question??
                      I totally understand what your going through. My ex’s gf fills my kids heads with so many things that are not factual. I used to try to show/tell them what the fact is. Ex. I have always told my kids Santa sends parents a bill. So they can’t ask for $500 game system and expect to get it. Well dads gf says oh Santa doesn’t send her a bill. It’s so frustrating... I just maintain that I am not sure what deal she has with Santa but I know that I get a bill. Drives me mad. And I am sure my kids soon will find out who Santa is via her older children.

                      Sometimes you just have to say... you are at dads house now and this is how dad does things... mom and dad are different and that is ok. No one is right or wrong just different.

                      I am 100% sure now it’s emails from the gf. Not even sure dad sees them as I did install the readnotify app and it works perfectly. So I know they get the email... and I see how sad it is that it gets forwarded 10 times and opened 4 times by 3 different users. The ex’s gf life seems to be consumed by trying to get to me. She must not be very happy in her own life. Same with your ex. If she continues to try to rattle you... it just shows she still isn’t happy with her life or she would put her energy elsewhere. Hope it gets easier for us both.


                      Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        MY ex uses my children all the time! Sending documents, information and even asking for items that should only be discussed between the parents (or lawyers). My ex has done this so often, it makes me sick to my stomach. My ex has placed our children and I in a very uncomfortable situation and creates a loyalty conflict at every turn. Every time my ex involved our children, they become distant to me. THIS IS NOT MY CHOICE and have no control!Sorry for the rant, but it's become down right dirty pool, IMO. I just wish people could grow up, discuss, text, email, etc... and avoid using the children of the marriage to communicate anything that isn't positive, reinforcing and constructive. I'm sorry your ex is placing you in a difficult position, but you can use it as a positive learning tool (as others have said). I'm constantly trying to do the same, but my children are much older and have difficulties of their own (outside of the family unit). Just my 2 cents!

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                        • #13
                          My fiancé’s ex used to send the kids with accusations. Why were you mean to moms family? Why did you take moms money? Why did you take xyz from the house? Why are you making mom pay for abc? Why won’t you pay for lessons?

                          He spoke with a therapist on how to deal with kids who are being alienated and they gave him some strategies.

                          You can simply tell the ex in writing that it is inappropriate to involve the child and any documents or forms can be sent electronically or delivered by her to your mailbox. As far as the kid goes, you simply repeat to her that she doesn’t need to worry as daddy knows what to do or at daddy’s house he does it this way.

                          You’re going to have to get a thicker skin for this shit because you’ve got at least 15-20 more years of it if she doesn’t get tired of being difficult. My mother is dead and my father STILL pulls his shit about her.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I'm a softer and sensitive type of guy so it's been a challenge to get thick skinned.

                            there's got to be way for me to grab better handle on things. I'm thinking to start with a therapist.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              You are burnt out from parenting 50% of the time and in some ways wish you could return toEOW? This makes me wonder how your ex felt when parented the majority of the time and had a break EOW: maybe burnt out? I can speak from my experience that yes it is hard to parent your children almost all the time with a break EOW when ex takes them, and sadly in my case post separation when ex started to take them EOW this was a huge increase a break for me because prior to separation I never had a break and did 99 of the parenting. I don’t know if that is your situation, but if so, maybe your ex attempts to micromanage you now because in the past did the majority of the parenting and hasn’t learned to stop parenting when you have the kids.

                              Never the less, since now you are divorced and parenting your own way, I would just ignore the comments and return things you don’t want. Send the Tylenol in bag back next time. If everything that is brought is returned then pretty soon ex will stop sending things.I would not get into a debate with child about Tylenol storage or go speak to a pharmacist. It doesn’t matter and is not a hill to die on, I wouldn’t put my child in the middle of who is “right”.On occasion I heard how ex does this it that differently that me, or give Advice to kids about what I should do with my yard or car. It is a lesson to
                              Learn that different people do different things. I just say ex’s rules at ex’s house, my rules at my house or mom can decide on that issue at moms house and I decide at my house and repeat this whenever something is brought up. and leave it at that.

                              Comment

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